The Origins Of The Sexy Rexy Rose
In case you think I photo-shopped that final panel, no. The Sexy Rexy Rose is real.
I was wandering around the Portland International Rose Test Garden this weekend and my mom spotted a little label that seemed like fate. The rose hadn’t yet bloomed, but I posted it anyway, thinking it was a funny name. Thanks to a comment by alchemistmuffin, I find out that this rose is very much a real type of rose. For the low low price of 18 bucks, you too could have a rose of the sexiest man alive.
If I wasn’t renting my current place you better believe I’d have bought 4 and started making a garden with them.
Incredible. Real life is better than fiction.
The thorns on that thing are probably bigger than the leaves. When they pierce your skin, they go deep. The Rose smell makes you pregnant with just a whiff. And yes, this includes the males who smell it. I am pregnant right now, even though the rose hadn’t yet bloomed. I’ll keep it. I will name him baby sexy. It is of course a boy. If it is a girl the baby is born pregnant, which has medical complications. Sexy Rexy gives off mostly male babies because he knows male babies could never grow up to compete with him, and will thus die out.
In all honesty I wonder what Sexy Rexy is up to these days. He never found a team after the Falcons and that was the most recent news I can find of the guy. Maybe he’s just taking it easy and impregnating fewer folks. Everyone slows down past 30. His most recent tweet was in 2016. The world is a lesser place without Rex Grossman news. We miss you, Sexy Rexy. Anyone who uses that nickname to refer to Rex Ryan is a huge butthole and deserves nothing good in life.
Gonna be a long dry offseason fellas, two recent comics with a lot of dicks in them. That usually only happens when things get bad. We need a real dumb thing to happen soon, none of the serious drama stuff but something really dumb.
Would have been better if it was Phillip Rivers he seeds many bulbs
I blame the Rose company
I like how it’s a Floribunda. Almost looks like his college team name. Trynna come up with a connection for bunda…
If it helps, in portuguese (at least here in Brazil), “bunda” means “ass”… I mean, the joke is ready with literally no effort, so….
Amazing.
I found Sexy Rexy!!!!!
how about our thinskinned snowflake president disinviting the eagles becauses he’s scared they won’t suck the flags dick enough? that seems ripe with possibilities.
Kill yourself, libtard
Way to reinforce the stereotypes of a Trump voter.
I’m bored with Trump’s clowning. I’m fine with Dave/Eli ignoring the issue.
I thought it was because they won’t buy him a new toupee.
I think he’s actually scared shaking Malcon Jenkins hand, will cause him to become woke?
Ignore my attempt at punctuation
As a Trump guy, I don’t blame him for not inviting the team on the anthem issue. In all honesty, he’s probably trying to get his son an XFL2 franchise and look good for McMannon. Can’t wait for the XFL2 to win 3 dollars after a failed move to the fall in 2024. Still gonna outlast the Confederate Confederation of Football (no team north of the Mason-Dixon line).
You know what’s gonna out last then all. The Are[REDACTED BY ELISHA MANNING]
ahahahaha
too easy brah
hard to make punchlines stick on topics faithfully reported by the onion
Hey Dave, you want dumb? Here ya go.
https://247sports.com/nfl/cleveland-browns/Article/Senator-Marco-Rubio-predicts-Saints-Browns-Super-Bowl-LIII-118739522
I really don’t understand his reasoning here. If he’s hoping to garner some votes in the Ohio primary for 2020, he should be pandering to Bengals fans, not the people who consistently vote 75%-90% Democrat in the general election.
“Heh. Of course it was your mom who spotted it.”
This username is amazing.
After that last comic, Elisha, you owed us this one.
Is… is that a dong smoke ring?
I think there’s plenty of Real Dumb Stuff going on; T.O. tweeting a possible unretirement, Mychal Kendricks maybe-or-maybe-not to the Browns (and the shitstorm that spawned), the catch rule being scrutinized yet again…
The Kendricks thing turned out to be nothing. Rap reported the deal before it was finalized and Kendricks got mad about that.
Our Sex Dragon has returned 🙂 Hopefully he ends up coaching down the road
You know I’ve been readying this comment for years. And I always thought Sexy Rexy was a reference to Rex Ryan.
I haven’t been in a rose garden in years. Yesterday evening my wife and I – completely randomly – ended up walking through a rose garden in our local park. SEXY REXY WAS THERE!!!!! This park was St. Anne’s in Dublin. Dublin, Ireland.
I have photographic proof – though I don’t know how to post it in the comments.
Easily one of the most amusing weirdest coincidences in my life.