Sports is Yaoi for straight men
By all accounts the Combine this year has been pretty exciting. A lot of incredible performances and records are being set. Do they mean anything? Going from history…not quite. But good performances at the combine translate to higher draft picks and more money, so it’s good for the guys out there.
I still can’t bring myself to actually watch the Combine because I still find it creepy and boring. Unless you are a scout sicko I don’t know what anyone gets out of it that you can’t get from highlights.
Maybe it’s because I just got back from Japan for the second time but it made me wonder if the Combine counts as Football Fanservice. Draft scouts are out there discussing players measurements the same way otakus discuss anime girl breast sizes. The Combine is like the NFL’s equivalent of “The Beach Episode”, which if you aren’t familiar, is an anime trope where an episode takes place pretty much exclusively for the purpose of showing the girls in swimsuits. It’s also normally a useless filler episode that exists purely for the excuse to see cute anime girls in swimsuits. There are also the “Hot Springs” episodes, which function the same way, as an excuse to almost show you naked girls gathered in a bath.
You might find this comparison very tortured but I must remind you that we all saw Chris Jones’ balls fall out of his unitard during the 40 once so am I that far off? Anime fans might compare bust sizes amongst their waifus but here we sports fans are discussing how bigger hands are good and getting excited when a guy benches a lot more than usual. You know that shot in an anime where the girl bounces and her boobs make the “boing” sound effect? That’s just us watching the asses jiggle during three-cone drills. I do not say any of this to defend weird anime bullshit, I say this to highlight that you, and me, and every other sports fan, is also a pervert. It’s better to accept our perversions than to live in denial.
So I now think of the Combine as the NFL’s Fanservice Filler episode. You get to see all these prime hot athletes in as little clothing as is allowed, for a part of the season that doesn’t actually need to exist. We don’t need the Combine as many prospects can just do pro-days or individual workouts; it’s just useful and certain weirdos would get really mad if you removed it. It’s actually vital to the plot you see.
This also makes every season a tournament arc. Maybe that’s why football rules.
