The Texans Activate GM Bot
So the Texans made a big splash this weekend! The kind of splash you can really only make if you don’t have anyone running the ship, which they don’t. It made me wish more teams had ridiculous disasters that led to having no GM. This kind of nonsense rules.
Did the Texans get better this weekend? Well, that’s hard to say. In terms of Jadeveon Clowney…no. That was an obvious loss. Clowney was throwing a fuss wanting to get paid and was likely to leave next year anyway if he played this season at all, so in some ways getting any return on him was worth something. But they didn’t get much. The Seahawks clearly won this trade, getting a solid to sometimes great pass rusher for the low low price of a 2020 3rd rounder, DE/OLB Barkevious Mingo and LB Jacob Martin. The biggest kicker is that the Texans still had to pay Clowney his signing bonus, so the Hawks only have to pay half of what they normally would. They get a one year rental of Clowney for 8 million, and can then extend him past that if they want.
The Tunsil/Stills trade is more interesting. The Texans appear to have seen what happened to division rival Indianapolis and have decided that investing in QB protection is actually a smart move. Good for them! The Dolphins have decided to go full tank mode (poor Rosen) and had a fire sale for Bong Boy and Doesn’t Like Trump And That Made The Billionare Angry Man. Tunsil is an immediate upgrade on the line and is a good player who will greatly help Watson continue to live. Stills is a solid #2 wr who will help open the offense.
Of course, now we have to look at the price. For the offensive anchor and decent weapon, the Texans gave up a 2020 first rounder, a 2021 first rounder, offensive tackle Julie’n Davenport and cornerback Johnson Bademosi. Houston also gets a 2020 4th and a 2021 6th in return. That’s…fairly steep. I guess it depends on just how valuable you think Tunsil is and how close you think the Texans are to actually competing.
The division is clearly wide open for the taking now with Luck dead and the Titans/Jags in mediocrity hell. Despite the Clowney loss the Texans should have an easy path to the playoffs for the next couple years. Keeping Watson safe is a must and the offense should be good now barring injury/playcalling isn’t balls. But they won’t have an ability to get a first round prospect for 2 years now, which could always be a massive boost for teams trying to reach that next level.
I consider myself cautiously optimistic about the Texans moves. I don’t think it was a surefire win in any respect and the Clowney trade was a bust for Houston, but the Tunsil/Stills move is the kind of ballsy shit I wish the NFL had more of and could potentially be a short-term game changer. It could also blow up in their faces and that’s always fun.
FOOTBALL IS BACK THIS WEEK MY FRIENDS
EDIT: WEDNESDAY’S COMIC WILL ACTUALLY GO UP ON THURSDAY TO COINCIDE WITH THE START OF FOOTBALL, SO COME BACK TOMORROW
I can’t wait for the Texans to win the division and get immediately blown out by a real contender in the wild card round again
“I consider myself cautiously optimistic about the Texans moves. I don’t think it was a surefire win in any respect and the Clowney trade was a bust for Houston, but the Tunsil/Stills move is the kind of ballsy shit I wish the NFL had more of and could potentially be a short-term game changer. It could also blow up in their faces and that’s always fun.”
I’m pretty sure that this is definitely going to blow up.
Trading Clowney may have been the right decision to make considering his holdout and etc., but as the comic insinuates, he was traded for scraps. Even though his resume is a bit lackluster if you think about his 1st-overall-pick past, that kind of low return for giving him up is inexcusable. They should have at least gotten a 2nd-round pick for him.
More egregious, to my mind, is the trade they did with the Dolphins. Tunsil is good but he isn’t THAT good if you ask me, and even if Miami threw Stills on top of it, that doesn’t justify two 1st round picks. And unlike the Khalil Mack trade from last year, the Texans aren’t getting a 2nd round pick back so this really is two 1st round picks for Tunsil and Stills.
This reeks of win-now mode. Maybe Bill O’Buttchin is actually on the hot seat as of now. And he’s going the wrong way with it if you ask me. The Texans O-line was pretty shoddy and just throwing Tunsil on it wouldn’t have enough of an impact that the line is suddenly above-average. Unless the Texans think that Will Fuller is completely broken and/or will not survive more than half of the season and thus have already given up on him, Stills is somewhat redundant. Of course, these are not BAD acquisitions per se, but two first-rounders? Really?
If you ask me, 1st-round picks are not to be seriously considered as payment in trades. They’re the best way to getting a player who will plug up glaring holes that make themselves evident during the season. Giving up one 1st-round pick(plus lower-round picks depending on situation) is excusable if you’re getting an All-Pro level talent from it. Two? Unless you’re getting another team’s confirmed franchise QB or something else that’s priceless like that, no, just no.
I thought Rick Smith was stupid as all hell. This is worse. A lot worse. Bill O’Buttchin has torched the Texans’ future with these trades and he won’t be getting anything out of it. The Texans’ ceiling is one-and-done in the playoffs, before this trade and after it.
I can almost hear Texans fans cursing O’Brien’s name, which is going to continue for years even after his ouster once this season ends(very likely if you ask me).
Have you taken a good look at the OL situation around the league?
My best friend, a Houston guy who got his masters at Oklahoma, has informed me that as long as BOB is running the show, he is officially on the Browns bandwagon. There’s plenty of room up here for any displaced Texans or Dolphins fans.
Rick Smith wears suits and ties with polo shirts… but he was mercifully too cautious to make such risky and blatantly bad deals.
Are the Jags *REALLY* so bad they can’t have a shot? I feel like they have the most complete defense, and Foles just has to keep it between the buoys.
Once again, as is his lot, Mingo only pawn in game of life.
Well done sir… well done
I’m a Browns fan. I’ve been using that line for years now.
Never trust a mustache-less super mario
The return on the Clowney trade was awful, but maybe the most objectively bad trade they made was Martinas Rankin for Carlos Hyde. Granted it’s not nearly as high stakes, as the other moves, but trading a young depth OT, with three years of cheap control, for one year of a washed up veteran who looked worse than Chiefs’ 5th string RB, in the final preseason game, is pretty bad.
I’m not sure who Duke is gonna be madder at after that trade, Hyde, for blocking him again, or BOB, for bringing in Hyde. Either way, I assume Duke is gonna be waiting for him at Bush Airport with a knife and some rope.
The Texans were going to cut him. He wasn’t that good. The Chiefs were going to cut Hyde because they liked their younger RBs more. Both teams got something for someone they were going to cut.
So they have like, what, three picks in the next two drafts? Good luck attracting a GM with that war chest.
They have their2nd, Seahawks 3rd, their 3rd or 4th (depending on how many games Duke Johnson plays), Miami’s 4th & 6th, & their 5th & 7th all in 2020. Also, they have a number of 2020 compensatory picks coming (likely two 3rds, a 5th, & a 7th)
If any of y’all want a good laugh, look at Seahawks Twitter when we got Clowney. Very entertaining time.
Danger, Will Robinson!
One of the cases where trading the player isn’t the issue but the clown return they got.
I see GM-Bot 5000 has a fax machine so the Texans are already in better shape than the Broncos.
Well done sir!
Love the fax.
“The division is clearly wide open for the taking now with Luck dead and the Titans/Jags in mediocrity hell. Despite the Clowney loss the Texans should have an easy path to the playoffs for the next couple years.”
I wouldn’t say “easy.” Before Luck retired and trading for Tunsil I actually had them pegged as last in the division his season. I don’t believe in Foles being as good as he was in philly but the jags defense is still good enough the offense only has to be mediocre for them to get 10ish wins, the titans have easily the most well rounded roster in the division. The only thing the Texans are clearly better at than those two teams is QB and #1 WR. I’m not convinced Tunsil will automatically make the o-line good or even average, the already awful secondary lost its two best players, they just got rid of Clowney for a bust and a relative unknown quantity…I have them at third only ahead of Indy.
I like how the engineer is wearing Oilers colors
“Texans should have an easy path to the playoffs for the next couple of years.” BOOO! Boo this guy. Jags are winning this division, not Texans. At the very least Jags stand to not make it easy.