Congratulations Philadelphia! You did it! Big Dick Nick led you to the promised land, just as you all thought he would, several seasons after you gave up on him after one good year. Man that’s weird to think about now.

There is so much to unpack about that game and I’ll probably spend the rest of the month touching on the meat. But I want to start with a big thumbs up to you, Eagles. You did it. No one can say you didn’t. No one can take it away from you. You earned it. You earned the shit out of it. That was an incredible game and you were the better team. You deserved to walk home a champion. You deserved to eat the poop. That’s your poop to eat. Champion poop.

I’m genuinely happy for Eagles fans. I know that doesn’t sound real, but it is. I know how good it feels to win it all, and that is a feeling I want for every fanbase. It’s a feeling we all deserve to have. Philly fans have waited a long time for this and I’m happy for them. Genuinely happy. I’m also happy to see the Patriots eat shit, but I’m genuinely excited for Eagles fans. I’ve been watching all the absurd videos of the celebrations downtown and it’s hilarious and everything I wanted it to be. If you see some folks doing bad things though, please stop them.

I wanted the Pats to win for selfish Giants fan related reasons but even as the game went on I couldn’t help but enjoy watching the Pats flounder and fluster trying to keep up with Nick Foles, Superstar. We may not agree on much, Eagles fans, but there are now 3 things we can agree on. Fuck the Cowboys, Fuck the Redskins, and beating Tom Brady in the Super Bowl is so good. So Good. That’s just us now. We did it first, twice, but there is enough space on this mountain for both of us to chill, especially with a performance like that. We beat Tom Brady by smashing him into pulp. You beat him by slapping your balls in his face. Respect.

Back when I made this now fairly well known comic I hated no team as much as I hated the Eagles. But while I’ve kept that joke running for a while, I don’t think it’s true anymore. I hated that team because I hated DeSean Jackson. I hated Vick. I hated LeSean McCoy (I still hate LeSean McCoy). I hated Potato Chip Kelly, for being a cool college coach I wanted to see in the NFL choose the one team I did not want him to go to. I hated that team. But I don’t hold that same hate in my heart for this team. My hatred for the franchise as a concept remains, but the team itself? So much more likable than before. I like Foles. I like Wentz. I like Pederson. This team is way less hate-able. I think I can officially say at this point I hate the Cowboys and Patriots more. You are now #3. Those other two are the now most scum, irredeemable garbage there is. Hopefully soon Tom Brady and Belichick retire so the Pats go back to normal and become okay again and I can once more throw all my hate at the Cowboys, the way it was in my childhood days. Hating the Pats has gotten exhausting.

I’ll save one last Patriots hate comic for Thursday before I leave them alone for a while. I’ll leave this with a list of all the random things I thought during this game.

-Totally called the Eagles winning, but I never would have expected it to be because of a shootout with Tom Brady setting offensive records.
-Watching Big Dick Nick Foles catch a TD pass one drive after Brady dropped the ball on the same type of play….(Italian Chef kissing fingers).
-Eli and Odell had the best commercial of the night and Eli is the greatest human being to ever live.
-The only other commercial I liked was the David Harbour Tide Ads. Whoever came up with that at Tide deserves a raise.
-The Han Solo movie looked cheap to me, I thought it was going to turn into a secret car commercial tie in, something felt off.
-Remember when Tom Brady got the ball with 2 minutes left and you could feel the excitement die but then he gets strip sacked two plays into the drive and holy shit that owned so hard.
-Didn’t watch JT, I never watch halftime shows. Who cares. I saw the boob one, no halftime show will ever match that.
-Cris Collinsworth has never been worse than he was on Sunday. Holy shit. The level of bias, the seeming inability to actually accurately describe things…I’ve have my issues with Collinsworth before but he was atrocious. At one point he praised the Patriots secondary’s ability to open field tackle, when almost every play up to that one they were getting schooled. That was the worst case of announcing I can remember.
-NBC had 30 seconds of dead air during the broadcast hahahaha way to go, you only had MONTHS to plan this shit.
-Wow was the Patriots defense bad. Like, woof. If I’m a Lions fan I’m a little worried now.
-The Eagles defense made the play when it mattered, but woah, that was a far worse performance than I expected out of them too.
-That Dodge Ram commercial with Dr. King…I can’t believe people signed off on that.
-Dilly Dilly is the worst forced meme and people who think it’s funny should be thrown into a volcano, we don’t need you.
-Is the Minnesota SandcrawlerDome windy? That was a lot of shanked kicks to start the game.
-Please fix the catch rule. That Ertz catch was such an obvious touchdown, we did not need 10 minutes of waiting to confirm that.