Antonio Brown Meets Newest Raider Vontaze Burfict
Antonio Brown Wins. Friendship. FRIENDSHIP??!
Lets be honest for a second. There is no way Antonio Brown and Vontaze Burfict being on the same team, coached by Jon Gruden no less, is going to explode in drama as beautifully as we want it to. It just won’t. I know, I know. I want it too. I want all the drama in the world. I want to see this team in complete shambles. I want these 3 personalities going at it so hard that the team achieves literal negative wins somehow. But it won’t happen. So don’t set your expectations too high.
I actually think the two of them will get along! Vontaze is a complete dipshit and Brown is a baby but they can now bond over something they both hate: The Steelers. Also Big Ben. Why I bet the two will become fast friends over stories about how shit Ben Roethlisberger is. Vontaze can talk about how he likes hitting him.
I do believe both of them will be “professional” about it and not fight. Maybe a practice scuffle that both downplay in a press interview later. Vontaze, as dumb as he is, will likely not do anything bad to Brown outside of a few practice shots. He doesn’t seem like “hold a grudge” dumb, more like “spear anyone in my way because I can’t contain my own inner demons” dumb. He’s not picky. I bet he makes a few enemies on the team. But he’s only there for a year and is likely on a very short leash.
The Raiders are actually becoming the Raiders again! They have a diva taking up all the star power drama. They have a dipshit asshole defender who will play dirty. They have a QB who is easily in the running for ugliest, bro-iest QB in the league. They have old school yelly coach in charge of everything. They have….jeez when I google the roster I am flabbergasted at how few players I know. Johnathan Hankins ended up here? Dude was gonna be a star! What happened, Hank?
While I do now concede that Jon Gruden clearly had a plan in place when he jettisoned Mack and the new Raiders are rebuilding from the ground up, I don’t see them doing shit this year. Carr has had exactly one good season. Brown will help, but the line still probably sucks, and I don’t think the defense is going to hold up either. They are stuck in a division with 2 clearly superior teams and one team that should be better and has more talent but is up in the air. This feels like the make or break year for Carr. Gruden probably wants his own dude at some point and if Carr can’t play like he did a few years ago before he broke his leg, I see him getting released. The Broncos will probably sign him next year when they cut Flacco.
I guess we still have the draft to see what Grudey pulls, so that’s something to look forward to. Tally ho, you crazy bastards.
Also, just to make a pre-emptive strike because I know some pedantic motherfucker is going to make a comment about it: I know both Antonio Brown and Vontaze Burfict have different hair now. I think Brown should always have his legoman cut, and Vontaze isn’t Vontaze without the dreads. This is my headcanon and is now Draw Play canon. Speaking of DP canon, it is now official DP canon that Ben Roethlisberger has violently shit himself at least 8 times. Canon.
Not to harp but the last thread did you mean I’ve never seen Ben so mad? I liked the comic and will be funny to see these two in training camp together
I think he means that Ben shat on Bell’s shirt.
well after digging into the Draw Play archives and finding comic number 349 titled “true gender equality” we can see that possibly one of the 8 times Ben shat himself was in college when he ate “crayons once on a dare” and he shat rainbows for atleat “3 days” so using that its possible he could of been in the middle of a class when he had to shit out some rainbow but couldn’t leave the room leaving him to shit himself
Makes it nine times then because they didn’t go to college together
“Vontaze can talk about how”…
…how what? The suspense is killing me!
Vontaze can talk about how what, Dave? You can’t just leave us hanging like that.
He did it on purpose. “Leave the audience wanting more…” and all that.
These two need a “The Man From U.N.C.L.E.” style recurring comic
FRIENDSHIP ENDED WITH BIG BEN
NOW VONTAZE IS MY BEST FRIEND
Haha, a Sun Kil Moon parody. “Ben’s (Not) My Friend”
Oh please let the Ben thing become a bigger thing. I can’t wait for his first 4 INT game. Do the Raiders play the Steelers this year? I haven’t looked. Can that happen, please. We can have a poop emoji counter with a number on it. Also, any chance Lego AB gets any Lego attachments?
In that vain does that mean everytime he’s played Jacksonville, he’s shit himself? Is that DP canon? Now that DP canon is a thing, are we going to get a Money Wars Special Edition where Tebow shoots first?
Backgrounds are empty, but 3rd panel is the classic looking over your shoulder at a urinal pose, so I’m just assuming Vontaze’s (Vontaze’?) wang is flopping around for the rest of the comic.
The First Time I saw Big Ben Shit himself was against us in the AFCCG his Rookie Year.
Gronk retired averaging 68.4 yrds /game. So close.
Gronk retired averaging 68.4 yards per game, and .69 TDS per game. Nice.
Looking forward to UT’s latest episode of this soap.
Dude. Cannot stop laughing. My god.
The first and last panel are gold.