The Draw Play

Cam Newton is apparently not having sex this month?

Don’t Keep Pounding!

I guess he mentioned that he needed something to challenge him while recovering from shoulder surgery and I guess not doing the nasty counts. I guess. I know a lot of people are doing the same thing and have far more impressive streaks going. Most of them I would not consider “stronger” for it. They are very unhappy people.

Obviously it’s just a way to test his discipline, but meh. I feel like if you reach this level of professional athletics you probably aren’t in dire need of discipline improvements. There’s a movement called No Fap (or No Nut) November that popped up a few years ago on places like reddit that are basically this, but are either a basis for memes or function as a sort of internet-logic therapy for people who have porn addictions. I feel like Cam probably doesn’t have a porn addiction. He’s more likely to have an actual sex addition. Huh, maybe he does need to quit the hit. I don’t think it works, personally. Not because I’ve tried, but because not jerkin the gerkin doesn’t seem to really address the root (heh) of the addiction problem in the first place. Maybe it’s helped a few people get off Porn. (heh)

As for making him a better QB…what good is it to do this in March? If you want to see if this helps you focus better or whatever do it (or don’t do it, I guess) during September or something. Or just straight up do No Nut November. This is like living in Buffalo and saying “I will not go outside for a month to better myself” in January when going outside would kill you anyway. (Besides, not like there are any football games in January to go to in Buffalo. HEY-OH)

Also if not having sex really turned you into a better quarterback Tim Tebow would have 8 rings by now. He’s apparently engaged now, btw. (side note: Tebow is one of the most wholesome people on the planet but I still think he looks like a bro-douche and I want to punch that face really hard). Tebow no longer even plays football because he wasn’t good enough to stick around. If Tim Tebow gets married and suddenly has a resurgence in his football career (or even in his baseball career) I think that might confirm the very opposite of what Cam thinks this exercise will do – sex makes you better at sports. I am suddenly very interested to see if Tim Tebow starts smacking balls going long and hard after he gets married. I wouldn’t mind boner Tim tearing up the league as a brand new man, single-handedly destroying the myth of abstinence education as he goes. Have sex. Do sports. If you aren’t currently having sex, do so. Read this comic as you go. God bless America.