Diglett’s Titans
Robert Saleh: Bald.
OC Brian Daboll: Bald.
DC Gus Bradley: Bald.
A bunch of positional coaches behind them: Bald.
In a profession with a higher-than-average bald guy percentage, this is still pretty notable. What’s happening down there? Why are the thumb coaches flocking to Nashville? Something is afoot. Although, in an era of hairplugs and other forms of baldness prevention, I salute the Titans for committing to the natural order of their follicles.
It’s been a while since we had a thumb coach appraisal. I have decided to look through every single team’s coaching roster and see if we can create the ultimate Thumb staff. Can we fill every meaningful coaching position with a current bald guy? Let’s try. We can use these Titans of Dome for our base. I will also aim for the most THUMB guy if we have multiple candidates.
HEAD COACH – Robert Saleh (Titans)
Offensive Coordinator – Brian Daboll (Titans)
Offensive Line – Carmen Bricillo (Titans)
Runningbacks – Randy Jordan (Titans)
Wide Recievers – Christian Jones (Browns)
Tight Ends – Lunda Wells (Cowboys)
Quarterbacks – Steve Shimko (Cowboys)
Pass Game Coordinator – Mike Kafka (Lions)
Run Game Coordinator – Curtis Modkins (Vikings)
Random Positional Assistant 1 – Issac Williams (Titans)
Random Positional Assistant 2 – Dan Skipper (Lions)
Random Positional Assistant 3 – Junior Taylor (Jets)
Defensive Coordinator – Gus Bradley (Titans)
Defensive Line – Todd Walsh (Panthers)
Linebackers – Ken Norton Jr (Commanders)
Cornerbacks – Ray Brown (49ers)
Safties – Stephen Adegoke (Texans)
Defensive Pass Game Coordinator – Aaron Whitecotton (Titans)
Random Positional Assistant 1 – Joe Whitt Jr (Steelers)
Random Positional Assistant 2 – Kevin Richardson (Patriots)
Random Positional Assistant 3 – Kaylon Humphries (Colts)
Special Teams – Danny Crossman (Steelers)
Senior Staff – Jim Caldwell (Panthers)
Assistant Special Teams – Devin Fitzsimmons (Seahawks)
Strength & Conditioning – Deron Mayo (Patriots)
Assistant Strength & Conditioning – Drew Wilson (Giants)
Director of Nutrition – Mathew Frakes (Giants)
Assistant Sports Performance Trainer – John Shaw (Titans)
Quality Control – Blaine Stewart (Bucs)
One thing I learned from this was that Assistant Strength and Conditioning Coaches are by far the most bald. I’m not sure I saw one with hair.
Damn. Two Titans comics in a month? Is that a new record (other than the 2019 Derrick Henry to AFC championship game run)
I don’t want to rain on your parade as you stand in front of us with wide eyes, pieces of yarn connecting all over the furniture as you insist that you are NOT crazy, but 19 of the 27 Titans coaches have hair. (Unless you’re referencing other photos, and/or their site is out of date, you’ve got a few wrong. John Shaw has a full head of hair on their website. Tony Oden is stubbly… are you counting that as thumb? I wouldn’t, because thumbs don’t have stubble.)
Given there are only two states of being here: ‘hair’ or ‘not hair’, anywhere from 1:4 thru 4:1 seems reasonable to me. So while I am impressed by the amount of time you spent putting up your yarn, are you sure you’re not just making excuses so you could draw a thumb comic? I wonder if I took a headcount of all the men in my office above the age of 30, would I get similar results?
Maybe the REAL story here is all the bald men you’ve ogled along the way.
You sound bald.
No, I’m more like Steve Martin, hair intact, but not the color. I went gray in my early 30s when I had my first child, and the 2nd child turned me silver. So I look more like Henry Cavill as The Witcher…
…if he stopped working out, lost 95% of his muscle mass, removed the chiseled jaw, minus the rugged good looks, and without the deep eyes you just get lost in. Oh, and without the smile. Basically, I look nothing like Henry Cavill, other than long white hair. X’D
But I’m very curious now what makes one sound bald.
Begun the thumb war has.
I hate the Prequels, and I still chuckled quite loudly at this one. X’D
This might be your best ever work
It’s probably not a good sign that Todd WaLsh’s name is spelled wrong on the Panther’s site right?
Brian Daboll has to get the nod. That noggin is massive.
Now do the same for the other end
(Beards)
I will nominate SF as the least facial hair QB room as Purdy looks 12.