The Substation Must Be Fed
I regretted not touching on the 49ers Substation meme while the season was going on so in some ways, thank you Kyle Shanahan for endangering your life so I could pull back around and light it up.
Firstly, I’m glad he’s gonna be okay. It sounds like a bad accident where he almost lost his eye. Shanahan said himself the accident was his fault, he was rooting between the seats for his phone and drifted into the oncoming lane. For the second time this offseason: please kids, do not text and drive. I almost got sideswiped myself last week by what I presume is a similar case. It happened so quickly I didn’t have time to react but I got lucky and the guy caught himself before he drifted too far into my lane.
Secondly: The Substation Must Be Fed. Kudos to Shanahan for making the tough choice to sacrifice his own well-being to appease The One Who Sparks. Management of any of the many elders is a demanding, thankless job, and we should consider ourselves lucky to have such a noble man on our side. I get his agony though: who knows how many Super Bowl wins this team could have obtained if it were not for the Substation. Feeding a guy to the station is always a risk. Many injuries are temporary, some worse than others, but most will recover in time. Cases like Brandon Aiyuk coming back different are still the outliers. But it still hurts to see.
While it seems as if the problem is coming back under control, we must admonish the Ravens for their failure to appease The Crab Lord, who has cursed many on the eastern side of the country to endure such staunch pants-shitting. Harbaugh must not have left proper transition notes in his files after he was fired from his duties. I hope he is able to properly manage the Metlife Turf Beast. The turf beast has given us many problems over the past decade.
Warhammer 2.026k vibes
This is basically a conversation between the Emperor and Malcador the Sigillite
And now I can visualize the Cowboys version where the Dark Emperor of the South is like “Jerry, I’m full, stop … stop calling. It’s just not going to work out between us.”
Widow’s San Francisco Bay
Michigan Case Counts
Total Cases: 10,077
As of July 23, 2026, 160 reported cases indicated they had been hospitalized.
Leave the tasty crustaceans alone
Now I desperately want a comic about the elder gods throughout the NFL. SF Substation, BAL Crab Lord, NY Turf Beast, CLE Hellmouth, whatever the hell cursed DET, Jerry Jones, etc.
The problem for Detroit is that Bobby Layne does not accept sacrifices. He will simply take his pound of ACL and damn the consequences.
Well, that, and get absolutely drunk before, during, and after the game, driving the whole time, and parking on sidewalks. Man loved him some alcohol. https://pickinsplinters.com/2023/11/28/pucko-the-legend-of-bobby-layne/
I wonder why there is only one comic tagged “SportsBarf” ( https://www.thedrawplay.com/comic/sports-news-content-manages-to-get-even-worse/ ), though a SportsBarf page (mimicking sports media sites) is depicted on multiple comics.
I want my SportsBarf.
Explosive diarrhea is a small price to pay for the return of Madubuike. Plus, if what happened to Calais isn’t enough to satiate the Lord, he can gfh.
Whenever we refer to the Football Gods, we really refer to eldritch beings like Sub’stae-tion.
In the last 36 hours or so the 49ers have seen lingering or new injuries flare up for RB Jordan James, WR Ricky Pearsall, and WR Christian Kirk.
The substation is hungry.
The Substation can never be sated. Only a return to San Francisco can return the beast to the foul dimension that spawned it.