The Passing of the Noose
The Bills! They are making good moves! Rex Ryan is doing cool stuff and things are looking up for the Bills. Sure, they lost Kiko and Matt Cassel imposes fear in no one, but Rex’s philosophy has always been that Defense wins games and all the offense needs to do is not fall apart. He got Mark Sanchez all the way to the Championship game, twice. All Rex wants is a QB who won’t screw up too much. Cassel’s ceiling is game manager but if they keep things simple for him and just let him hand off to Shady a bunch. But Rex has some serious attitude and if anyone can turn the Bills locker room into one that fights, it’s Rex.
So the Bills have reasons to be optimistic. The 49ers…do…not. Surprised more 49er fans aren’t jumping off the Golden Gate. The 34 year old silver spoon fed owner/man baby Jed York couldn’t get over Jim Harbaugh being a big meanie and telling him no so he fired him after 3 championship seasons and a 8-8 season filled with injuries. Then they didn’t hire the defensive coordinator that made their defense great (Fangio) and instead decided to promote Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force to HC. Then Frank Gore, the rock and soul of the offense for years, leaves. Then Patrick Willis, the heart and soul of the defense has a “spiritual awakening” and retires. Bruce Miller got arrested for spousal battery. Justin Smith retired. The worst part? They re-signed Blaine Gabbert. Just…awful. They’ve gotten Torrey Smith and Jerome Simpson out of FA, and Darnell Docket (Who is coming off an ACL and old). I’m not sure I’ve seen a team have such a bad year. 49er fans have this look of despair in their eyes as if they know they are just headed back to the land that has Mike Singletary drop his pants. Worst of all? Jed York is rapidly making his case for one of the worst owners in the NFL, and he’s younger than everyone.
If I were a 49ers fan, I’d be extremely depressed and very pessimistic right now. I love the ones who aren’t. You know those fans, in every fanbase, who simply refuse to accept that their team can mess up? Those fans are hilarious. I saw a few after Harbaugh got jettisoned already saying that “this was a good move, no really guys here me out, you need synergy between the front office and even though it’s super hard to find a coach as good as Jim Harbaugh he’s totally worth firing because he’s a dick #49ers4lyfe #49erNation #Bullshitteamslogan”. Come on man, there is looking on the bright side and there is being willfully stupid. We won’t know if the 49ers and Jim Tomsula will truly implode until the season starts, but I don’t know how any fan can look at what has happened in the past several months and think things are looking up for the franchise or are at least fine.
My Name Is
Jim Tomsula the Mic Rula, the D-Line-ah, you wanna pass? I’ll bring it to ya
Trent Baalke and I’m on top, draft stars you can’t stop, Jed York you up next with your knock-knock
Jed York make the money see, Jed York builds the stadium G, Drivin’ in my car, putt’n two below par, Fire Jim Harbaugh cuz he’s mean and I’m a star
Uh! say yes to me, yeah.
Cause we are the 49ers, make the techies say woah and meanies get fired!
Cause we are the 49ers, make the techies say woah and meanies get fired!
San Francisco 49ers, Number one in Santa Clara, G
Nothing like Carl to make the week better
Book it: Tyrod Taylor will be starting for Buffalo at some point this year. Living in-between Baltimore and Philly, I’ve seen every one of the preseason games he’s played, and while he’s not anything amazing – Flacco never had competition for a reason – he’s better than Manuel, and I feel like he gives a team more of a spark than Cassel. Give him Shady McCoy to hand off to, and a receiving corps made of Watkins, Woods, and Harvin, and I think he’ll have success.
…Aw.
We have a chance at winning games! Positive, non-zero numbers of games. And you know what, non-zero numbers of wins is what counts.
…said no Lions fan ever
Please don’t let us unseat the 08 Lions. I will take anything 1-15 and better.
To be fair, Unsexy Rexy is trying to balance things out *cough*incognito*cough*.
Incognito has a short leash and will be cut if he starts with his antics again. He’s only on a 1.1M contract with 100k guaranteed, so they can do it with minimal fuss. Further, he’s a mauler and the perfect fit for the power scheme that Greg Roman likes to run. He was a bit liable in pass protection on his last year with Miami, but in all fairness going from Jake Long when he was good to Jonathan Martin as your partner on the left side is going to make you look worse. People laughed or groaned over the Incognito signing, but in reality they got a solid guard for very cheap.
As bad as this may sound, I’m glad Ralph Wilson died. The Bills made NO good moves when he was alive. My dad has been ecstatic all offseason with these moves, haven’t seen him this happy about the Bills since Kelly, Thomas, Reed, and Smith played.
I’m not glad he died but I’m glad he’s not in charge anymore. I mean, I know a lot of Bills fans loved him, but they’d been a non-contendor for years.
Dave. Your comics are always fantastic, but the 49ers Carl, and the ATHF parody song is my new favorite thing you’ve ever done. I’ve been a huge ATHF fan for a long time, I feel like people forget it exists. Great job!
Dave, I’m not a 49er’s fan. I’m a Ravens fan. So I really don’t care about this comic. But what you said about how you don’t know why 49er’s fans aren’t jumping off the Golden Gate had awful taste. It was not funny. I’m disappointed in you Dave. I expect an apology.
go jump off the Francis Scott Key bridge, and take that murderer Ray Lewis with you.
In fact, I hope he murders you on the way down.
Lmao sensitive baby over here I’m a 49er fan and found it funny.
My three favorite teams are the 49ers, Raiders, and Saints…
49ers are taking every opportunity to shoot themselves in the foot, Raiders aren’t spending any of their money, and Saints are going in the right direction but taking the wrong path.
#ninernation #foreverfaithful
Unlike the Browns fans, who perpetually wear their nooses around their necks.
#ouch
Cleveland sucks and they deserve a shit team.
that moment when you are only focusing for minutes on the newspaper’s articles to look for the Sexy Rexy…
And that moment when you realize it was on the coffee mug all along
Oh man, I was hoping for someone’s comment to be turned into a comment about farts.
My brother seems pretty content with predicting that Seattle would decline from free agency and calling it a year ago that the niners wouldn’t be worth a damn anymore
Niners fan here, and yeah, it looks bleak as hell. I’m at that stage where I want York to be known as a horrible person and owner as well as winning the Super Bowl next year. One could hope…
It’s scary how similar Tom and Carl look alike.
Well done Dave.
Ok so I know you don’t like taking our ideas for comics cuz we just a bunch of dumb fans but u really need to poke fun at the man behind the action here…..Wes Welker and Talib(an) …..they both left New Engald to go get that ring with Manning and the scary offense and defense but they both fail at that ring ….welker is a curse he got there and got blow to pieces and then watcha Brady (the man to give welker his name and stats) get the ring a year later please make fun of him it would be so great exspecially to all the teams that gave up on him and the pats fans
With Borland gone, this comic just got a little truer for Niner fans.
Its a week late, but think I can explain the Niner situation in terms of Aqua Teen Hunger Force:
This week, Master York and Trentwad managed to piss off Har-lock enough for them to kick him out of their house. To make up for the void, they pay off Jim to try and take his place. Also in this episode, Dr. Kelly makes something weird in his mountain science castle in Philly while his assistants suffer from it.