The Draw Play

THE WEEK IN CHAOS
–One of my favorite weeks in football is the week around early-midseason when the winless teams sneak out wins and the lossless teams drop a clunker. Always happens. It’s hard to keep a 0 in either column. This week treated us to the Miami Dolphins squeaking out their first win under the new regime by taking it to the Jets. On the opposite side of the coin, the Falcons surprised by knocking off the undefeated 49ers, who many were starting to crown as the king in the league (myself included). The Chiefs losing to the Seahawks at home is an excusable loss but still a loss. Now the Chargers remain the only winless team (lmao) and the Vikings remain undefeated. Just as we all predicted.

The Vikings have the best defense in football but that offense is going to screw them over at some point. That point is not yet though!

Lamar is still out and the Ravens got bamboozled by the Bengals after a few handicap points for fairness. The Cleveland Predators eeked out another one, and nobody rejoiced. The Steelers outlasted the Saints in France in a sleepy clunker that wasn’t worth waking up for, and the Broncos took care of business against Arizona. The big surprise this week was the 49ers finally falling, it appears the lack of starter quality WRs finally got to them. You can only outcoach injuries so far.

If Aaron Glenn was going to survive this season, and he reasonably could have, NY needed to beat the Dolphins. The Jets did not. Jeff Halfley, who has a career record of 1-5, now officially has more AFCE divisional wins than Aaron Glenn.

Oh! The Rams managed a good clean win. Where has that been?

GIANTS CORNER
–JJ McCarthy is great actually. He has always been great. As KoC says, organizations fail young QBs, and he failed McCarthy. McCarthyism is the new way.

Jokes aside, this was a lovely win. JJ looked like a normal QB, none of the horrible accuracy or bad decisions he was known for. One game, against a suspect defense, but I came expecting memes and left with competence. The Giants clearly outplayed the Texans all day and the match only went to overtime in the first place because the Giants still have kicking problems.

Nabers owned the field all day. Much was made of the Skattebo benching last week but this was a massive comeback for him with a huge TD in the 4th and the massive overtime run where he slid due to injury caution. Tracy got a TD, and Singletary iced the revenge. Massive week for an embattled RB room and watching Harbaugh smother Skatt with hugs after the score really reminded me why coaching matters. The team bounced back after a tough loss with the right mentality. Coaching makes a difference.

CHAOS OF THE WEEK
–Green Bay vs Detroit was probably the worst officiated game of the weekend, notably earring ire from the booth and everyone watching. The Packers have valid complaints. The Lions have valid complaints. The fans have valid complaints. Luckily it almost didn’t matter because this game was sheer comedy. The Lions going for it on 4th deep in their own territory and failing. The Packers then missing the easy field goal they were gifted. The entire Lions team dancing when the Packers committed the final penalty. This game was slop and it made the NFCN even more interesting as now both teams sit at 4 wins.

CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–Cardinals what are you doing letting this happen
–Caleb guard handoff. Ben Johnson is a football sicko.

THE VIBE CHECK
– I’ve been waiting this season for the moment the Texans figured it out and thought last week might have been it. But it’s clear to me now: this team is Texass. Stroud has justified himself but everything else has fallen apart. The offense is still vanilla and uncreative. The defense has completely tanked in a way I do not understand.
-The Jags didn’t play and the rest of the AFCS lost. That’s a bye week win!
-The Ravens have been missing Lamar but they look like the same team they’ve been for years, new staff or not. Thanks for Harbaugh!

-THE NFL HAS AN OFFICIATING PROBLEM of the week
–Skattebo called for lowering his head was, by rule, correct. The problem here is the absolute inconsistency this play gets called in the first place. It’s so rare a flag for a play that happens pretty frequently. Makes me wonder what the point of the penalty is if it gets called once or twice a season. This is clearly a case of penalizing the player, not the play.
–Another week, another bad Roughing call. Although hearing Tom Brady of all people complain about it makes me want to throttle him. Who do you think helped usher us into this mess?

CACKLES OF THE WEEK
–The Bears allowing a 50 yard screen pass End of half Pats TD is one of the more embarrassing situational TDs I’ve ever seen. He made like one cut!

BIG OOF OF THE WEEK
-When I saw Mahomes scrambling backwards to ward off the one defender with no idea the other one was coming up behind him, I knew he was about to get levelled and chaos was about to ensue. Somehow he’s the one who recovered it!

CHAOS WATCH
–I feel like any sort of injury to JSN will completely tank the Seahawks offense into the basement.
-The Giants schedule, which felt brutal to start the year, now features a lot more winnable games provided the level of play keeps up. Mostly because the rest of the schedule features a lot of NFCE games, and the whole division is a mess.
-I genuinely wonder if the Vikings defense can keep this up all season long. I hope so.
-In COACH FIREWATCH, Steichen, Bowles, Glenn, and Quinn feel like obvious goners who need a miracle finish to save it. Sirianni is clearly at risk but might be safe due to franchise factors, same with Matt LaFleur. The real surprise hot seat now is Demeco Ryans. The Texans are a mess and most notably for him, the defense is ass. I think he’s safe, same with Dan Campbell, but those two are names to watch. Every year we get a firing or two of a coach who will instantly get picked up again. Schotty should be fired but Jerry is too loyal for him to be a risk.

WHAT 49ER DIED THIS WEEK
– Nobody! That’s why they lost. Sacrifices must be made.

FRAUD WATCH
–If anyone is “The Schedule” this season, it’s The Browns. Another ugly tight win over a bottom feeder or disappointment. I’m starting to hope the Browns overcommit to this mirage of a team the same way the 2022 Giants did so I can enjoy the crash and burn.
-I know I’ve been overrating the Saints all year but I might have to finally just admit they are bad, mid at best.
-I have to believe the Ravens will be good when Lamar is back. He is coming back, right?

SNUFF FILM OF THE WEEK
-The Panthers. Total smooshing. The Bucs only ran 11 pass plays.

-CLOWN OF THE WEEK
-Can I give it to both Green Bay AND Detroit? What the fuck was that mess? Campbell going for it on 4th on his own 25? The Packers shanking the subsequent field goal attempt? Neither team wanted to win.

DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–The Falcons aren’t that bad but to take down the 49ers with relative ease? I guess everyone has bad days.

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–I wanted clownball from DAL/PHI. What I got was mild competence. That’s not NFCE football. Nobody wants that.

————————————————————

BETS FOR NEXT WEEK – HALLOWEEK! I know we did spooky week earlier this month, but that was mostly just name puns. This will be more conventional.

TNF – PANTHERS @ PACKERS
The Panthers won this matchup last year, but I suspect they aren’t going to do that on a short week this year.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Bryce Young as Chuckie

CARDINALS @ COWBOYS
Even when the Cowboys are good, they always lose to Arizona. It is one of the weirdest situations of a team owning another. Gotta go with the weirdo voodoo pick.
If the Cowboys win, I will draw Silence of the CeeDee Lambs

COLTS @ JAGS
I feel bad that Daniel Jones turned out to still be Daniel Jones. He’s a good guy, and I wish the best for him, but he’s destined to be a Fitzpatrick. Jags win.
If the Colts win, I will draw Daniel Jones as Pennywise

BROWNS @ STEELERS
These two just played each other a month ago, this is a weird schedule. Browns won the first game, but this one is in Pittsburgh and the Steelers seem more focused now.
If the Browns win, I will draw The Brownie as if he was on the Event Horizon

FALCONS @ BUCS
Picking the winner of an NFC South game feels like making sense of an M.C. Escher drawing. I guess I’ll go home team?
If the Falcons win, I will draw Baker tormented by The Birds

RAVENS @ BILLS
Is Lamar dead? Every week I ask myself, where is Lamar? Is he dead? Is he going to play this week? Does anybody know? Bills.
If the Ravens win, I will draw Derrick Henry as Cthulhu 

VIKINGS @ LIONS
You know one way to improve Minnesota’s offense? Have them play the Lions defense.
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell as the creature from The Ritual

RAIDERS @ JETS
Raiders have come back to earth, but the Jets are furiously burrowing deep into the mantle.
If the Jets win, I will draw Aaron Glenn after he saw The Ring

TITANS @ BENGALS
The entire AFCN is above .500. That’s the benefit of playing the AFCS.
If the Titans win, I will draw Robert Saleh as Pinhead

CHARGERS @ RAMS
If the Rams lose this, it might be the funniest game of the year. Chargers probably won’t have a real chance to win until next week against Houston.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert as The Grudge

PATRIOTS @ DOLPHINS
If Mike Vrabel truly wants to follow in Belichick’s footsteps, he must lose in Miami. No matter the cost. If he doesn’t, he is a disgrace.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Jaws but a Dolphin

CHIEFS @ BRONCOS
The reality of this Chiefs team seems to be: can you stop Kenneth Walker? You have a chance to win. The Broncos have a chance to win because they can, but Bo Nix needs to step up and run for more 60 yard TDs.
If the Broncos win, I will draw WendiBo Nix

SNF – EAGLES @ COMMIES
Now this should be some pathetic sicko ball. The Eagles injuries are monumental; I’m taking the Commies.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Cooper DeThing

MNF – BEARS @ SEAHAWKS
My heart will not allow me to trust the Bears but if they pull this off I may have no choice.
If the Bears win, I will draw Ben Johnson as Pyramid Head

A TIE
If we get a tie, both QBs as the evil twins from the Shining