JK Dobbins Loves Touching Kids
JK Dobbins, hello. Nice to meet you.
You don’t know me, and you have no reason to, but I know you. I just want to start this out by saying I love what you are doing. Hosting a youth football camp in Mexico City? I love it. I love seeing players reach out to their community and other communities to do good and spread the love of football. Maybe you did it as part of an NFL agenda to expand internationally, I don’t care. I love seeing these kids have a great day, and I know it means a lot to them. I adore how excited you are to spread the good word of football. But we gotta talk vocabulary for a second.
I saw your recent interview with “The Insiders”. 4 times. You said you love touching kids, 4 times. Now look, I know what you meant. We all know what you meant. You love touching kids in the metaphorical way, the spiritual way, the emotional way. Not, you know, the Epstein way. I know you aren’t a kid toucher in the same way that say, the president is. We know. But we do live in a time of literal kid touchers being outed and, well, we just have to be a little more careful with our words, lest we go viral. Once is an honest mistake and turn of phrase that we would have giggled at and forgotten. You did it 4 times, my man. 4 times.
In the interest of support for your cause, I’m here to help. I usually got A’s in English class in high school, and for 13 years I’ve been winging these blog posts multiple times per week late at night before bed, so you could call me a bona fide writer guy. The next time you want to go on TV to talk about the good you do, you want to vary up your phrasing. Here are some ideas I came up with you can use in your next opportunity:
“I wanted to reach these kids”
“I love making a difference for these children”
“It’s important to me to make an impact on these kids, in all cultures, to be there for them”
“My desire is to be a positive role model for these youths”
“The Kiddos are our future”
“I wanna do my best to guide these cubs into the world”
“Boy Howdy, these squirts deserve the best”
“It is my goal in life to be a responsible mentor to these young human beings”
“I love touching kids physically” – this one is in the off chance you are a pedophile. I don’t believe you are, but I wanted to make sure the option was there for ya just in case.
Again, I love what you are doing. Keep doing the good work with the youth, JK. Maybe you got a little nervous or emotional during the interview. I get it. It happens. I’m just trying to save you from becoming a temporary meme. If you score a touchdown in the upcoming year, don’t throw the ball into the stands to a kid (they will make the joke!) or an adult (They will joke you hate kids now!). Keep that ball for yourself. You earned it.
Have a great day, keep on touching them kids.
-DrawPlayDave
How does this even happen
He needs to learn from Michael Jackson of what not to do or you will get accused.
Michael Jackson had a lot more credible allegations against him than just some poor word choice.
They were credible on the surface but once you do some digging…
Dewey Finn: [confesses] My name is Dewey Finn. And no, I’m not a licensed teacher, but I have been touched by your kids. And I’m pretty sure that I’ve touched them.
[the previously calm parents begin murmuring in confusion; Dewey escapes]
I’ve seen some funny word choices in my day, I’m not sure if I’ve ever seen a worse word choice.
“We have to make a camp about how we do not diddle kids!”
“JK, there is no greater way to make people think you are diddiling kids then by making a camp about it!”