The Drawplay Scumbag Meter
When Puka did his stupid stream thing back in December this idea popped into my head, but I saved it for the offseason because it fit better as prime OFFSEASON CONTENT. Hence why we are here now.
We need a way to track the scumbaggery of the NFL. We also need more colorful, pointless ways to graph things. Why not graph scumbags? Flawless logic, if I say so myself. I might add this segment to the ever-growing Chaometer next year so we can track any new morons. But before we do that, I should explain the graph.
THE SCUMBAG METER
The closer you are to the endzone, the more likely you are to score. This is not a situation where you want to score, because that makes you a piece of shit.
A Genuine Good Guy
Pretty self-explanatory. Here we have a football player who not only has never done anything wrong, but we have confirmation that they are a good dude. These are your Walter Payton Man of the Year winners. The guys who give to charity and community. JJ Watt. Larry Fitzgerald. Barry Sanders. Hell, Russell Wilson spends a lot of time with kids in hospitals, so no matter how weird and corny he might be, I think he’s genuinely a good person at heart. The chances that a player here turns out to be a scumbag is just as unlikely as a 100+ yard turnover return score. It’s not impossible, but it’s very unlikely.
I have Walter Payton himself as the example. Hard to beat the guy the good guy award is named for.
The Probably Safe Zone
Where most kickoffs and drives start, also where almost every career starts. This is where 90% of the NFL exists. The fact is, we know very little about most NFL players as people. Many of them are just camp bodies, or backups, or specialists that aren’t well known enough to get anyone’s attention. There could be scumbags here, but they fly under the radar, and you need a very big play to score from inside the 25.
As an example, I threw some dudes we like in there. JSN, George Kittle. Caleb Williams. These guys seem perfectly fine. They might end up being bad dudes, we cant predict it, but they seem fine.
The Dumb Mistake Zone
I do not want to label players as scumbags too quickly. Humans make mistakes, and they should be given some benefit of the doubt on first, minor offenses. It’s not good, but it’s not necessarily a sign that a person absolutely sucks. These guys are mostly kids who didn’t get a true education and then suddenly earn a fuckton of money, after all. For stuff like this, I’d put like a player who just got busted for a DUI or speeding, with no prior track record. This is not an endorsement of driving drunk or speeding, those are bad behaviors that should be punished, but not necessarily a sign of malice. I’m not going to hate a guy who got busted once for weed, or even cocaine, in a regressive state.
My go example here is actually Plaxico Burress, who lost his career due to his mistake, but it was a stupid mistake that only hurt himself. My other two examples are Calvin Ridley and Kayshon Boutte, who were both busted for betting on games.
The Moron Zone
Here is where the risks start. One DUI is a bad mistake. 2? That’s a pattern. The Moron Zone is where you stick guys with repeated displays of being a dipshit, but not necessarily malice. This is also where I might put first offenses that are…above average in scale.
I have Jalen Carter here. Jalen Carter was involved with a fellow student getting killed in a car race in Georgia, where they street raced and the other driver crashed while intoxicated. That is reckless, stupid behavior, but not necessarily malice. He also spat on Dak Prescott, which is more direct asshole behavior, but it was also basically harmless and he got himself ejected. I don’t think Carter is a true scumbag, I think he’s a fucking idiot.
Another good example here is Myles Garrett. Garrett has been caught speeding a number of times, and his incident with Mason Rudolph was bad on-fied violence in the heat of a fight, but he mostly just seems like a moron.
One more historical example is Josh Gordon. Now Josh Gordon was a victim of archiac NFL drug laws, but he was also a dumbass who couldn’t get out of his own way.
THE RED FLAG ZONE
To be honest this is fairly intermingled with the Moron zone, but it’s more for players who commit one action that’s pretty damn serious or a pattern of repeated bad behavior that hasn’t quite crossed that line, yet. Many players who fall into this zone are considered scumbags already, but I am trying to be fairly stingy with the label as to not rush into labelling everyone who does bad or stupid things a true scumbag. To me a true scumbag should be a label like Eagle Scout. You have to work to earn it. But if you are in the Red Flag Zone, you are basically one play away.
This is where I currently have Puka. Going on Adin Ross’s stream is a very dumb mistake that an idiot kid could make because he wants clout and watches bad social media people. Doing the anti-semetic dance on stream, that’s more serious and would put him directly into the Moron Zone. Puka went from Probably Safe to the 20 yard line. But after the most recent news broke of him allegedly spouting more anti-semitism and biting two women, the red flags are flying. If you already think he’s a scumbag, I don’t blame you. He has demonstrated a lot of questionable behavior already, but I’ve kept him out of the endzone because im curious how the most recent allegations play out. Another player I have right on the edge here is Stefon Diggs. These most recent accusations may break the plane, and he’s probably the NFL player closest to the threshold. The red flags are waving.
A GENUINE SCUMBAG
This is the player that makes you feel icky even seeing them on TV. The kind of player you don’t want to root for even when they are on your team. The kind of player the worst people you know forgive because they can ball. This is someone you think should be in jail rather than on a football field. The kind of jersey you burn.
It goes without saying that this is where guys like Deshaun Watson and Tyreek Hill live. Domestic Abusers, sexual assaulters, criminals who got busted for malicious acts, not stupid ones. Guys like the recently arrested Falcons rusher James Pierce Jr, who we saw on camera committing terrible acts. Historical examples are guys like Antonio Brown, Richie Incognito, or Ben Roethlisberger. Aaron Hernandez is as deep in the endzone as is allowed.
Obviously all of this is very subjective and your own personal measure of a scumbag could be completely different from mine. Some people will automatically condemn anyone who drives drunk in any capacity, and I’m not here to argue with them. There is also the belief divide. I am going to rank Harrison Butker much higher on the scale than his fellow evangelicals.
Another question is how do you place so called “dirty” players? A guy like Ndamukong Suh, who seemed like a smart, well put together individual off the field, but tended to act like a violent maniac on it? I’ve always considered scumbaggery to be off-field primary, but bad behavior on the field can color a perception.
Can a guy back up out of the danger zones? I think so. Once you break the plane, it’s over, but I think with good behavior and time, someone can rescue themselves from scoring range. David Tyree said some awful shit about gay people a while ago, but more recently apologized for it and claimed to be learning. Sometimes dudes are troubled and they just need help. Maybe Puka’s stint in rehab goes well and he manages to crawl out of this hold he’s dug himself.
Though my guess is he won’t, and he’s going to break that plane before the end of the year. At that point, we can slap the merit badge on him.
Historically, I’ve got to put Adrian Peterson in the Scumbag Zone. Yes, he was a phenomenal running back and had a great career, but although he had two DUIs and is rotten handling money, he managed to get all the way to my scumbag end zone on one play when he beat the shit out of his 4 year-old boy with a tree branch. Inexcusable and indefensible.
You’ve got to be more than a moron for the Crime In Sports podcast to do a 3-parter on you.
Shrink that down a bit and it could go in the Chaos Report.
Dak spat on Carter first. But Carter was still a dumbass for falling for the bait.
But fuck Dak.
Dak did not spit on carter. He was like a quarter of a field away when he spat.
Dak spat on Carter first, but Carter was still a dumbass for falling for the bait.
Fuck Dak.
I’m curious as to where Vick falls on this.
Terrible shit with the dogs, but by all accounts served his time.
For me, what he did dogs is unforgivable. Taking emotion out of it. He did his time and paid for it and seems to have learned and moved on. I’d put him in Moron Zone, but closer to Dumb Mistake rather than Red Flag.
I was going to nominate Vick as a test case for Dave’s “once you break the plane it’s over,…” clause.
Animal abuse = definite scumbag.
But he did all that was asked of him, and genuinely seems like a changed person. He continues to do charity work long after fulfilling the obligations of his parole.
Vick is a curious case and he might be the only example I can think of for someone who broke the plane but had the TD reversed upon review
Maybe this scale needs a fair catch section. A place to cover a player doing something normal in one culture but not in another and when displayed on the national level villainizes the person to a degree. Though Vick’s actions were reprehensible I do think that is a factor for him. (Vick would not fit in my suggested fair catch zone)
I think the cultural trap that led to the “why” Vick was doing what he was doing is the big difference in allowing him to move past it. Sometimes the scumbag behavior comes from having the means to elevate the group around you grew up with and the bad situations that come with it. Vick never allowed himself to leave the neighborhood before prison. Culturally he didn’t realize how bad what he was doing was because it was something always in his life. In this regard learning and growth can be real allowing the TD to be reversed so to speak. However, as with all plays, the highlight remains forever despite the ruling on the field.
Jameis is a tricky one for me. Granted there wasn’t enough evidence to press charges, doesn’t mean he didn’t do it. But other than oddly shop lifting crab legs, he’s been clean and he seems like a good guy. I’d put him in on the edge of Probably Safe Zone-Dumb Mistake.
I don’t know. If you read what baseball writers and scouts had to say about him (he was a top baseball prospect too don’t forget!) such as the book Future Value, he definitely seems a bit of a moron zone. Baseball scouts have much more access to character things than football scouts as they can observe the dugout, as well as talk to the parents of other players in the stands.
I feel like you might be forgetting the Uber Driver grope. Jameis’ big sin is hard to confirm, but he’s absolutely in the moron/red flag zone
I stopped watching Bucs games after the second, highly credible allegations came out and they let him start after benching him earlier. It really bummed me out to see the Bucs organization seemingly not care about the well substantiated claims.
> other than oddly shop lifting crab legs
That’s because due to the quirks of NCAA regulations, it was better for him/the store to say he shoplifted rather than was being gifted free crab legs for being a football player (aka an impermissible benefit).
Vontaze Burfict needs to be on that list right next to Suh. He would blatantly try to break QBs legs while they were on the ground.
Also, I think you could do this with all 32 NFL coaches as well!
You could do this with the owners too. I think that would be funny to see them all piled into the end zone.
He kinda already does for the owners with the Testicle Index
He did this with owners back in #1283. Only a few owners have changed since then so most of it is still up to date. Obviously no Dan Snyder screwing up the scale so maybe more people have been pushed up to scumbag status.
Burfict, Suh, and Haynesworth are the Cerberus of the Scumbag Zone
Would the kicker scumbag scale go from PAT distance on out?
Agreed with Puka. If it was a one-off, you could ignore it, but a pattern is forming. He’s probably the latest famous person whose his agent arranged a “Come-to-Jesus Meeting” that could be summed up with “You can either keep earning a lot of money or be a complete asshole; you can’t choose both.” Speaking of patterns…
Would Vontaze Burfict be in the Moron Zone or the Red Flag Zone? I mean his actions were without complete malice (he’s just an impulsive idiot whose watched too many NFL Films from the ’70s), but he committed so many violent on-field actions after so many suspensions, its good question if the quantity warrants promotion.
I came in here to mention Burfict. I’d put him in at least the Red Flag Zone. When your play colors the entire reputation of your team, it can’t be just be by being a moron. How did the Bengals tolerate that crap?
Almost immediately after Burfict stopped playing with them the Bengals became a respectable team though it also aligns with when Joe Burrow started playing.
The Marvin Lewis Bengals were basically if the jail had a football team.
I consider scumbaggery to be more of an off-field accomplishment than on-field, and I agree Burfict was a complete dolt as a player but off-field his only crime was a dropped charge for misdemeanor battery. He’s borderline Moron/Redzone
Josh Gordon almost assuredly was not just smoking pot. There was more than just the drug rules in the way.
Yeah, Gordon had serious substance abuse issues (alcohol, painkillers, probably some things he hasn’t disclosed) that started at an early age and nearly everywhere he played excused and enabled his behavior until it became a genuine PR problem. Tremendously sad, he was such a talented football player and a joy to watch.
To me, consistently flagrant dirty play on the field but supposedly fine off the field puts a player between Moron and Red Flag, leaning towards Red Flag based on how malicious their on-field play is. I suspect someone that willing to flagrantly break rules in a publicly televised game has to be hiding some nasty behavior off the field. Often, that behavior is as destructive for their own career and team as it is for the opponents. So to me, Vontaze Burfict belongs in the Red Flag category.
It’s amazing how everyone always forgets Larry Fitzgerald’s domestic violence incident and thinks he was a complete saint because of it.
I’m not a fan of this solely due to the speed of social media, reporting, and lies these days. People get slandered and lied about when they are innocent then beloved famous people get covered in love and excuses while they are guilty. Social media is full of both and we don’t need another.
I do love the Chaos report though, that was a good, unique idea Dave! Up there with Sexy Rexy!
Yeah it got a chuckle out of me at first, but as I thought about it more, I really don’t necessarily love this. It becomes a place for people to debate moral issues to death. Like for me – saying bad things (Puka) is much less bad than doing bad things (Jalen Carter). I’m sure others feel the opposite like Dave does. It’s not really a fun or engaging argument to have, tbh.
David Tyree said he’d trade the helmet catch to stop gay marriage. I’m glad to hear he’s turning around though 🙂 … still wish he didn’t make that catch though
not sure how that’s relevant
Truth to be told, I came here expecting to see LT mentioned there. It’s kind of a miracle that he’s still alive all things considered.
Cheating on ones wife doesn’t seem to be in the Gunuinely Nice Guy category to me but you do you.
I would like to put into consideration, if not the crowned scumbag, then the crowned prince scumbag after Hernandez:
Rae Carruth
Nothing more needs to be said about him.
[dave sweating, desperate to put a white guy in the end zone…]
Catching up on this; if you were to add it to the Chaometer, I do think this would work as an intermittent thing, when something notable happens to change the scales instead of being a stable. Hilarious idea either way.
Where do you put Henry Ruggs? I think a DUI should put you in the moron zone.