Brock Purdy has been dealing with toe problems. Fred Warner just broke his ankle. George Kittle has spent most of the first 3rd of the season injured. Ricky Pearsall is hurt. Nick Bosa tore his ACL. Jauan Jennings is playing hurt. Jordan Watkins. Yetur Gross-Matos. Aiyuk is still out.
What are our theories here? Was Santa Clara built over a Native American burial ground? Is there an ancient god that watched over the bay area but requires tribute and Kyle Shanahan has not been giving it? Is the water rotten, leading to brittle bones? Are the players all just made with modern Silicon Valley technology, where they need constant software updates and break frequently? Are the MonStars here on earth, but instead of talent, they are siphoning out 49er player health?
I have no idea why this keeps happening. The 49ers have tried pretty much everything through the past few years to try and get the bleeding to stop. They’ve replaced surfaces, fired and hired new staff, sacrificed their newborn children, and nothing is working. It is only a matter of time until McCaffrey dies.
My personal theory is that it is because they play almost an hour south of the city they are named for and the gods find it abhorrent. The 49ers should not call themselves San Francisco. Even the New York Giants/Jets manage to play within a few miles of their namesake city, well within their namesake metro area. At least the Washington Commanders are moving back INTO Washington. At least the New England Patriots don’t call themselves Boston despite playing in the middle of the woods. The 49ers are basically in San Jose. They honestly should just rebrand to the San Jose 49ers. Go look at a map. Can you tell where San Jose ends and Santa Clara begins? No you can’t. Levi’s is a 40 minute drive (with zero traffic) away from Candlestick Point, their rightful home. I guess I could make a joke here about how SF prices are so bad they priced out their own football team.
Friday might not have a comic as my family is in town. Have a lovely week.
