SERIOUS OPENER SIDE NOTE
I know I never do stuff like this, but my wife is running the NYC marathon in a month and as part of her race goal she’s raising money for cancer research. If you’ve followed this site for a while you know I lost my dad to cancer a little under a year ago. It’s a big enough disease that I’d wager a lot of you have been affected by it in some way too. There’s certainly no requirement to help, and it  doesn’t have to be a lot, but I wanted to share this link with you anyway. If you could spare anything, it would mean a lot to me, my wife, and my family. Thanks.
Donation Link

ENOUGH OF THAT NOW LETS GET WEIRD

Dem Chicago Bears, huh? Those deep dish boys might be legit!

I came into this season expecting solid mediocrity from Da Bears. The monsters of the midway have only been monsters these past season in that watching Bears games is an ugly, gross experience. For several seasons they’ve just been so blandly bad that they aren’t even interesting. I didn’t expect anything more this season. New coach, sure. That’s something I guess, but first year coaching is either uninspired and not that interesting (Shurmur for the Giants), awful (What on earth is happening in Arizona) or out of nowhere impressive because the new guy wants to take all the risks and sometimes it works out (Mike Vrabel in Tennessee). The Bears had a better offensive mind on the sidelines, they got a superstar linebacker, but they still seemed a few steps from relevance.

That, coupled with a mediocre looking QB in his second year (when things tend to regress a bit) and a tough division, things didn’t look great for the Bears. But they may have an actual legit team right now. Even Kevin White hasn’t died yet. Trubes wasn’t looking stellar and then he must have kissed some titties because on Sunday against the Bucs he went nuts. The offense is better. The defense is legit. Their one loss came because Aaron Rodgers got pumped full of drugs and went all Aaron Rodgers. The Vikes have been disappointing so far, the Packers live and die on a QB who is already kinda hurt, and the Lions have already Lioned themselves into a hole. This team may very well make the playoffs and actually do something in them if this keeps up.

But man, Mack is making that trade look like the dumbest move since Herschel Walker. Dude came into a new team and system with like 5 days before game 1 and he’s been on fire. 4 straight games with a strip sack. Unbelievable. He’s everywhere. He’s a total monster. I can’t believe the Raiders were this stupid. Mack is what you want a first rounder to be. You don’t trade for a pick that could be a Mack IF YOU ALREADY HAVE A MACK. It’s going to the defining moment of Jon Gruden’s second tenure as coach and we all know it.

Anyway how much would you pay to see your friends get strip sacked by Khalil Mack? Let’s make this place a legitimate business. Someone set up the GoFundMe. According to this scientific chart, Mack’s stripper name is Roxie Ridge. My stripper name is Diamond Heat.

Post your stripper names!