Sometimes this job is hard. During the June-July dry spell it gets really hard to find anything to make fun of and it takes me a long time to figure out what I’m going to mock. But sometimes the football gods come down holding a giant silver platter and hand me something that’s so hilariously stupid that it sounds like something I would think up, then throw away for being too dumb. The Broncos fart tax ACTUALLY EXISTS.

It’s…just so beautiful. You can’t ask for anything so hilariously stupid. A fart tax. A FART TAX.

Now lets think of Football euphemisms for farting because False Shart might be the best thing I’ve ever come up with.
Offensive Gas Interference
False Shart
Threw an Air Mary
Got the wind knocked out of me
Personal Foul Smell, Face Gas, 15 yard blast radius
Two Minute stench warning
Let Matty Spice escape the pocket
The Tampa Toot
Tight End dropped the gas over the middle
Released some PSI
Went for it on Fart down
Bench Warming
The farting tundra of lambutt field
For the first puff of the draft
The Super Bowl Muffle
Playing in New Jersey
Butt music city miracle
Release the Dragon
Feast quake
Butt Fumble….oh wait
Summer Brees, Warm Brees, need some FeBrees
Pumped in some crowd noise
Big Blue Wrecking Eww
Move the Browns to Fartimore
Cut the cheeseheads