The Bad Times Bengals
The Bengals have crept alarmingly close to no longer being The Bungles in recent years, but the Bungles persist. They have a franchise QB. They have two stud wideouts, and they even managed to pay all three fair market wages! They also blew up their defense leading them to a severely disappointing 2024 season and they still employ Zac Taylor. Taylor isn’t going anywhere because they already proved that talent can overcome idiot coaching to make a run, so I will forgive them that.
Now they are having other stupid problems. Because they wasted time and didn’t pay Tee Higgins a year ago or more, now they have less money to pay Trey Hendrickson, who is holding out. The new guy who they just drafted, Shemar Stewart, is in a massive dispute with the front office. To be clear, I’m not entirely sure this one is on the Bengals. It’s kind of tough to get a clear picture on what the conflict is between camps, but it seems to be related to a particular clause or something in the contract that the Bengals were trying to implement this year that Stewart is unhappy about. The Bengals are apparently behind the league on this particular language and were taking steps to rectify that and Stewart is unhappy to be the first new Bengal to have this contract language. I can kind of understand the stance he’s taking but somebody has to be the first in a new cycle, the change isn’t drastic, and most other rookies already deal with it. I’m not sure Stewart has enough leverage to end up winning this.
There are already talks of him taking the year off and re-entering the draft next year, Bo Jackson style, but I doubt it comes to that. He’ll probably sign in the next month, and he will probably lose the fight, because players just don’t have that kind of power. It gives off a bad look though, and makes the Bungles look just that much more bungly.
Then, and you might have missed this one until now, but a photo came out of the weight room slogan. A Bengal…is PHAT. There has never been a shortage of cringe in team locker rooms but this one might take the cake. It’s not even a good acronym. The 4 words are just 4 words. You could rearrange them. A Bengal…is THAP. A Bengal…is PATH. Wait. PATH is a much better acronym. Rearrange the slogan a bit to be A BENGAL FOLLOWS THE P.A.T.H. – PHYSICAL, ACCOUNTABLE, TEAMMATE, HUNGRY. It works better! It’s just as corporate cringe but if that’s what you are going for, it’s better than PHAT. ALL THESE PHAT BENGALS.
Who the fuck do they hire to come up with this shit because my stream of consciousness just outclassed you with no effort, by accident. Pathetic, Cincinnati. Hire me for your slogans apparently I’m better at this than you are.
The guy who wrote the articale you posted literally had the same idea you did.
*Article. Goddammit, I wish you could edit comments on this site.
I, admittedly, only linked that article because it had the picture, I did not fully read it myself
Imagine the Bengals held on in that Super Bowl and then devolved into the circus we are currently watching.
We were so close to that reality
Even though the 90s are probably the last decade the Bengals would ever want to commemorate, why not go all in on the theme?
Have a teal color rush alt uni for a TNF game (shame the Panthers aren’t on their 2025 schedule, a bizarro TNF game where they go teal and Carolina incorporates orange would be fun)
Constantly incorporate “Mad Skillz” in their PR
Make Zac Taylor grow a neatly trimed goatee.
Zubaz pants for everyone working on the sideline or on IR.
As I understand it, the impasse with this contract language is that it would allow the Bengals to void all of Stewart’s guaranteed money if he does something stupid that renders him unable to play, either through injury or because he gets suspended. Other teams have used similar clauses, but they when they do, it’s standard practice to also change the contract so the guaranteed money conveys sooner. The Bengals were supposedly refusing to do that for Stewart.
Ohio, the vortex of suck for NFL teams. Every year Cleveland and Cincinnati fight to be the most disappointing and the dumbest. I feel sorry for their fans.
A Bengal is ….
Dependable, on and off the field
Outstanding, amongst his peers
Open-minded, about embracing new schemes and strategies
Masterful, and …
Excellent, at his position
Diligent, in his preparation.
Okay Dave, we heard you and fixed the situation.
BENGALS have CAKE!
Confidence, Accountability, Knowledge, Eagerness!
Obligatory The CAKE is a lie.
I mean the Bengals are good now, but they are still the Bengals.
Just goes to show you that the Bungles refuse to let the Browns be the only shitshow in Ohio.
So is Burrow going to be the next Dan Fout?