Richie “the Dick in Disguise” Incognito. Farewell asshole. I hope you get the help you need.

After many years, the 34 year old who still has the face of a 13 year old fat douchebag Sean Astin has finally decided he no longer wants to terrorize young teammates and is hanging it up. Can’t say I’ll miss the guy. The Bills will. He was a solid anchor on that line and now whatever rookie they panic and wager their future draft picks for in two weeks is going to have it that much harder.

Richie was like the exact stereotype of big dumb rude football jock you see in every movie with high school nerds. The QB’s stupid lunkhead muscleman. He was big, he was good at football, and he was a dumb dickhead. Richie never really found a true home in the NFL despite being good enough to warrant one because he was such a douche. He basically got kicked off of Nebraska for being an uncontrolled ball of rude. The Rams fined him and let him walk after many infractions. The Bills signed him and then let him walk at the end of the season. He seemed to find some redemption in Miami, then the Jon Martin stuff happened. He actually managed to come back to the league after a year off, showing that if you can play football it doesn’t matter how much distraction you cause, a team will sign you. Unless you take a knee while black, apparently.

He spent the remaining years with the Bills playing fine football and occasionally still being a dick. This past week he has apparently had enough. He fired his agent over twitter (lol) and then told Vic Carucci the quotes in the first panel. It’s hard to not at least feel a little bit sad for the guy. Nobody can accuse Richie of being soft, but the years of hard living and painkillers have clearly taken their toll if his liver and kidneys are failing. He’ll probably be in physical pain for the rest of his life. Hopefully he gets some help to deal with whatever is wrong with his brain. Richie is the kind of guy who would have a youtube show where he teabags random friends and then goes up to strangers and hits them, using “IT’S JUST A PRANK” afterward.

I’ll only have so much sympathy for a notorious craphead. Richie wants to be in the Hall of Fame. Nah. Even if you removed the personality drama and looked at his football efforts, he wasn’t good enough. He’s been a fine lineman. Nothing more. Add in the rest of the Richie package and hell no. The only hall he belongs near is the Bully Hall of Fame, which you have to force your way into. He’s got the right stuff. I don’t think all of his treatment of Jon Martin was intended as malicious, but he was such a dumbass dickhole that if he really did want to help Martin he took the completely wrong approach. Martin clearly has his own problems, but Richie probably made them worse.

Quick aside, I never made a comic about the recent Martin news because it just wasn’t funny. It was just really depressing. Part of me hopes Richie saw that news and realized that he made some mistakes with Martin, but something tells me he saw it and just bragged about how he was right the whole time about him.

Farewell, Richie. You can visit all the strip clubs forever now. I expect you to have gone broke within 3 years. I also sincerely hope you get better.

EDIT: He just said “Made Ya Look” on twitter, apparently it was all a lie, go fuck your own face, Richie