LMAOOOOOOO I can’t believe it happened I am so happy. Jay Cutler in South Beach. I’m so excited.

This is probably the best case scenario for the Dolphins after Tannehill died. It’s also the best case scenario for us! We get a whole year of Cutler jokes waiting for us and the Dolphins get a reasonable if not spectacular replacement. Cutler’s not great but he’s the best possible option the Phins had. Kaep might have been equal on potential but Cutler already knows the system with Gase, so Cutler was easily the best fit.

A lot of people seem to be doom saying the Dolphins, I don’t know why. We all knew they didn’t have a chance to unseat the Pats this year anyway. The Patriots have owned the AFC East for almost two decades save 2002 and one year where Brady got hurt and they still won 11 games and lost the division on a tiebreaker. The Patriots not winning the AFC East is like The Browns being good. Nobody should actually discuss it as a real possibility until it actually, finally happens. Stop it, Dolfans. I know you want it, but that doesn’t make it true. The Patriots will fall once Brady is gone or falls off a cliff, until then just punch the Bills and Jets around and maybe sneak into the playoffs and do what you can.

I’m genuinely pumped to see how Cutler works out. I feel like it wont. Cutler was ready to retire and had to be coaxed out “Kyle Orton Style” by a coach desperate for something to work with. We’ll probably get the same result as the Kyle Orton Bills. A one year rental of a dude who is clearly in it for the paycheck. Cutler and Gase know each other well enough to win some games, but that will be it. I think a 9 win season is in the works. The Dolphins are talented enough to put up some good wins against weak teams and eek out a few wins against reasonable competition. Maybe even a Pats split, as they usually seem to do. But they’ll be a bridesmaid never a bride, in playoff contention but never controlling it. Typical Dolphins.

But man, a one year rental of a dude in it for the paycheck, and that dude is the already hilariously apathetic on the field Jay Cutler? It’s going to be glorious. Even if Cutler has passion he still looks like he doesn’t care. Prepare for great gifs and a lot of screenshots.

Also, I made a thing: