A new annual trend has emerged in recent years. In the few weeks leading up to the draft, teams will drop their new uniform updates. This can range from a single team dropping an alternate helmet or as was the case this year: 4 teams dropping entire new wardrobes. Presumably, this is happening because then they can have the rookies hold the new uniforms up on stage during the draft and sell sell sell. This has made my usual uniform update comic usage kind of annoying. We’ll get two updates in back-to-back days, several in the span of a week, and I don’t want to spam the page with the same joke over and over again. Unless…THATS THE GIMMICK!

So this week will be about all 4 new major updates (Jets, Lions, Broncos, and Texans). Each day besides this one will be the expected template, my favorite template, the always loveable somehow still naive Nike Designers. It’ll just be easier to consolidate the usual uniform critiques into one quarantined week.

To talk generally before we get specific, I think teams are updating too frequently now. It feels like every 5 years we have uniform roster turnover. I don’t mind having teams play around with fun alternates but we don’t need major full updates this often. Especially since a lot of these recent updates have essentially been regressions to classics. The Browns, Jaguars, Bucs, and now Jets all took swings and then spent a few years being mocked before they reverted to classic looks. I’d imagine the Falcons and Dolphins are secretly not far out from just doing the same thing. The Dolphins already use the classic Marino look as their throwback alternate. Nobody seems to like the Falcons uniforms except the throwback version.

There are a few other teams that smell like they might revert in the next few years to vintage looks. The Bills current look feels a bit outdated. I feel a return to the red helmet era is coming in some way, even as an alternate. The Panthers don’t actually have a vintage look, but the current look is severely outdated and when I talk about the Lions update I’ll go into them more. The Commanders are in flux as a franchise and may revert to a W logo version of the old name uniforms. I personally hope the Bills go back to a new or old look so the Giants can update. I would love a return to the GIANTS logo. I always preferred that logo. It felt like a New Yorker yelling at you. AY, IM WALKIN ERE. GIANTS BAYBEE. The lowercase NY logo feels timid in comparison. Make the Giants logo loud again.

I’m generally fine with the fact that Nike is now saving their weirdest ideas for alternates because I do enjoy when they swing for the fences and get weird for one or two experiments a year, and it allows them to actually find new things that work and discard what doesn’t. However I’m generally kind of tired of the either complete regression to vintage looks without any real hint of modernity to them or the modern looks being minimalist. Every team seems to match their pants and socks now and it just makes everyone look like they are wearing onesies. I’ve also spoken at length, yelling ferociously at clouds about how fucking tired I am of black alternates. I will continue to yell into the void about it until they go away. The NFL needs to get past their goth phase.

What I would love to see more of, and I will touch on more when we reach the Texans, is more unique helmets. Helmets are underutilized as design canvases. Bring me more unique helmets that arent the logo just slapped on them.

So that’s that! There is technically a 5th uniform update that will not get a comic because it is too minor: the Browns are returning to the white facemask. This is a small change but a welcome one. White facemasks in general look very nice.

Enjoy arguing about uniform updates all week!