Hahahahahahahahaha. I was hoping for something funny to happen this offseason but I never thought I’d get blessed by another NFL player getting shot…seemingly by his own hand (I don’t know if it’s confirmed yet but the rumors are a swirl’n). Aqib Talib was at a nightclub (stripclub) in Dallas and then he got shot. In the leg. Yeah. He’s going to be okay, the bullet did no real serious damage. Also he may have shot himself. As far as I’m concerned that takes it from “I hope he’s okay” territory into “HAHAHAHAHAHA” territory and we can all laugh at him now. We got this year’s JPP hand accident a little early! Now I can make Talib and Plax jokes for months. Chill out, Pats fans! Now I can make comics about another team too often and have someone else get mad!

If someone had asked me months ago “what player on the Broncos do you think is most likely to Plaxidentally shoot themselves” I would have been very caught off guard by that question but probably would have said Aqib Talib. Or Maybe Sanchez. But probably Talib. Talib seems like an asshole. He got in strip club trouble last year too, plus he acts like a dick on the field and got suspended this year for poking someone’s eye. He does have a really fun name to say though, so props for that. Aqib Talib.

Seriously though how often does this sort of thing happen? Two NFL players have gone out and shot themselves in the leg. Is this a thing that happens pretty regularly to normal people, but we don’t hear about it because normal people aren’t sports celebrities? What is the average rate for players shooting themselves in the leg at nightclubs? Is this the real hidden American menace? Forget the wage gap or illegal immigration or the constant mass shootings…we need to do something about dumb people shooting themselves at nightclubs.