The Draw Play

Want to see the funniest website of 2026? No, you aren’t on it, but thank you for the compliments; I love you too. The real answer is this:

Start Nine

After you recover from your inevitable snort-choke laugh that sends spit down your windpipe into a coughing fit, you might start to scroll and witness the sheer volume of this site. There is so much of this. You can scroll for minutes on end and not reach the bottom. Of course, if you have a little bit more specialized internet experience, you’ll probably pick up on the real crutch of this endeavor: it’s a lot of AI slop. This page was mostly compiled and designed by one of those things currently ruling over the tech sector and eating all the water in your boomer parent’s suburban neighborhood. This simultaneously makes it more loathesome while making it funnier than ever. It’s fitting. Of course this massive effort is compiled by machine instead of actually constructed. No human being would use this many em dashes.

A professional or even hobbyist statistician could probably go through the entire thing and tear their mathematical model to shreds. My favorite part is the methodology section, which is basically admitting to how the books got cooked. Kyler’s injury risk is a big factor, but the guy who missed his entire rookie year and many games of his second season also with injury is all but forgiven and swept under the rug/blamed on other factors so they can use his Michigan (Important note: college is not the NFL) stats and his few good games to weigh the scales. It’s great. Completely unhinged nonsense. Maybe AI can make art.

To be honest, I’m not even sure the site isn’t a joke to begin with. If it was about anyone other than JJ McCarthy, I’d probably chalk this up to being a giant shitpost. But last year proved that JJ has maybe the most psychotic set of stans of any current player. I went into last year expecting the Shedeur stans to be the worst, and they were loud. But I was caught off guard by the JJ McArmy. The McCarthyists. The defenses I was seeing for some of the worst QB play I have ever watched in those early losses could almost rival Tebow levels. Nothing will ever beat Tebow, but man, the JJ McArmy got hands.

McCarthy might be better this year. If Bryce Young could pull himself out of the gutter he was in into a starter-level player, JJ can too. Nothing is out of the question. But JJ has all the makings of a mistake that might eventually earn his way around as a mercenary backup, McCown style. The Colts have essentially punted on Anthony Richardson, the Vikings are likely to do the same to McCarthy depending on this season rolls out. If Kyler balls out, they probably sign him long term rather than let another Darnold happen. If Kyler also sucks, the Vikings might look towards the draft. The GM that took JJ and ditched Darnold has already been fired. JJ’s reputation is in the dirt unless you went to Michigan. My guess? He’s the new Kenny Pickett, and we will laugh and tune in when he starts the Hall of Fame game in 3 years for the Jaguars.

I also think Kyler will be mostly fine but nothing special. The Vikings are headed for a solid 9-8 year of mid-assery.