Kyler Gets The Start
Want to see the funniest website of 2026? No, you aren’t on it, but thank you for the compliments; I love you too. The real answer is this:
After you recover from your inevitable snort-choke laugh that sends spit down your windpipe into a coughing fit, you might start to scroll and witness the sheer volume of this site. There is so much of this. You can scroll for minutes on end and not reach the bottom. Of course, if you have a little bit more specialized internet experience, you’ll probably pick up on the real crutch of this endeavor: it’s a lot of AI slop. This page was mostly compiled and designed by one of those things currently ruling over the tech sector and eating all the water in your boomer parent’s suburban neighborhood. This simultaneously makes it more loathesome while making it funnier than ever. It’s fitting. Of course this massive effort is compiled by machine instead of actually constructed. No human being would use this many em dashes.
A professional or even hobbyist statistician could probably go through the entire thing and tear their mathematical model to shreds. My favorite part is the methodology section, which is basically admitting to how the books got cooked. Kyler’s injury risk is a big factor, but the guy who missed his entire rookie year and many games of his second season also with injury is all but forgiven and swept under the rug/blamed on other factors so they can use his Michigan (Important note: college is not the NFL) stats and his few good games to weigh the scales. It’s great. Completely unhinged nonsense. Maybe AI can make art.
To be honest, I’m not even sure the site isn’t a joke to begin with. If it was about anyone other than JJ McCarthy, I’d probably chalk this up to being a giant shitpost. But last year proved that JJ has maybe the most psychotic set of stans of any current player. I went into last year expecting the Shedeur stans to be the worst, and they were loud. But I was caught off guard by the JJ McArmy. The McCarthyists. The defenses I was seeing for some of the worst QB play I have ever watched in those early losses could almost rival Tebow levels. Nothing will ever beat Tebow, but man, the JJ McArmy got hands.
McCarthy might be better this year. If Bryce Young could pull himself out of the gutter he was in into a starter-level player, JJ can too. Nothing is out of the question. But JJ has all the makings of a mistake that might eventually earn his way around as a mercenary backup, McCown style. The Colts have essentially punted on Anthony Richardson, the Vikings are likely to do the same to McCarthy depending on this season rolls out. If Kyler balls out, they probably sign him long term rather than let another Darnold happen. If Kyler also sucks, the Vikings might look towards the draft. The GM that took JJ and ditched Darnold has already been fired. JJ’s reputation is in the dirt unless you went to Michigan. My guess? He’s the new Kenny Pickett, and we will laugh and tune in when he starts the Hall of Fame game in 3 years for the Jaguars.
I also think Kyler will be mostly fine but nothing special. The Vikings are headed for a solid 9-8 year of mid-assery.
As a Dolphins fan, I believe Brian Flores is good enough as a coordinator to take even average QB play all the way to a 12+ win season, and I think Kyler is better than GEOBUS
Time cube ass website
Murray throwing to Jefferson and Addison will be cool.
The difference with Tebow, of course, is that he was magic. He was bad at quarterbacking but damn it all he kept pulling those wins out by sheer force of character until the wheels fell off. None of these other cult QBs (Hackenberg, Shadeur, JJ) have done anything of the sort to earn their following. I can understand there the Tebownes logic comes from. These other folks are just mental.
By “Sheer force of character” you must mean “a great supporting cast who carried his ass”.
Adofo-Mensah getting fired definitely hurts. We have no idea how much JJ was his push vs McCarthy, but it’s tough in so many industries when the executive who was sponsoring your project, program, etc leaves and the new guy comes in. The new guy wants to make his mark. Success of the previous projects doesn’t look as good on him, but it’s failures will still be pinned to him.
Darnold went 14-3, but he also languished in purgatory for half a decade and picked up when he went to San Francisco. Sam didn’t start his career as a Super Bowl-caliber QB, he was made into one through the fires of battle. If anything, the 26-0 game between the Seahawks and Vikings shows me just how badly Minnesota really needs a solid, reliable QB.
I always found it hilarious that anyone would think McCarthy was even worth drafting
of course, I had the same thoughts about Stroud, and he went to the playoffs…
Bears fans went through a similar delusion with Justin Fields but at least he had sick highlights he produced in a bad situation. What does NINE have?
JJ was never the reason for Michigan’s success, if anything, it always felt like that success was despite JJ. Whenever Blake Corum missed time, I was always sure Michigan was going to fuck it up, and miracles kept on happening. The Vikings don’t get miracles, so JJ was always fucked. And really, not even that good.
For years, I’ve been telling anybody who will listen that the Vikings need to draft a QB who can succeed in spite of his team. Someone who spent multiple seasons running for his life every snap and still making big plays. It’s the only way to overcome the Vikes’ instinctual need to choke in the playoffs.
So of course we draft the kid propped up by a team so elite they had to cheat the system to build it. What could be more Vikings than that?
From what I’ve seen both QBs struggled in training camp. While I think that Kyler is the better starting QB , I also think that this also could be a strategic decision. If you start JJ and you have to bench him he is absolutely done for.
Biggest takeaway to me: The Vikings are screwed either way at QB.
The funny thing with the site is that if you use the chatbot, it admits that it does not use facts, the more you go down the rabbit hole the more it admits it is 10,000 simulations ensuring that JJ is the best qb.
A great comment on Resdit talked about just how bad his throwing mechanics are, which always ends up with his hips facing away from where he’s throwing: “That’s because he kicks up his front foot before the throw and then kicks up his back foot after the throw. At no point in his throwing motion does he have anywhere to drive power from other than his arm.”
This dude is either refusing to learn or incapable of it.
Holy. Shit. A buddy and I were dying laughing looking through the startnine site.
There is a section showing McCarthy clips. Almost all of them are from COLLEGE
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
If you argue with the start nine chatbot enough, it reveals that it’s cutoff date is December 2023. 5 months BEFORE JJ was drafted. Then it admits that it was designed only to “spew propaganda” and doesn’t have any information about Nine’s NFL career or how the Vikings would do