Kyler Murray Achieves His Dreams
Kyler Murray got paid! The little man will stick around Arizona for the time being, making mad stacks to struggle every year after week 10. Good for him. I loved this his contract almost seemed like a bit of spite towards Deshaun Watson’s contract. Deshaun is getting 230 Million. Kyler is getting 230.5 Million. Watson gets 46 million per year. Kyler gets 46.1 million per year. Obviously, Watson’s contract is full guaranteed and Kyler’s is not, but I like that very small minor bit. Also obviously, neither are worth that level of contract. I don’t even think Watson would be worth that if he was a good boy and not the league’s #1 predator.
But hey, the market dictates that everyone gets slightly more money than the last guy. The Cardinals are still a great team on paper and for a while, actually seemed like one. They are unfortunately stuck with arguably the worst coach in the division though (kind of a toss-up between Kliff and senile Pete Carroll) and the NFCW remains a righteous gauntlet. The Cardinals are all-in now on the 5’10 scuttlebug so they better make this work or they are going to explode in glorious fashion pretty soon.
He can have all the money in the world now to buy various tools and servants to reach things on the top shelf while my poor 6’3 ass has to reach for them myself. Eat the rich. Kyler will serve as a tasty appetizer. A delicious hor’dourves before the main course of a ketchup-covered Pat Mahomes steak. Just kidding the owners are the real meal even though they’ll taste far worse.
EDIT: You know what? I’m going to enjoy the one month of summer weekends I have left before the season starts and so should you, so unless big news happens, Monday updates will probably be sporadic at best. Spend time with your loved ones, football will be back soon enough
Joe Flacco’s legacy lives on.
Nonsense, you don’t want to eat an athlete, the meat will be tough as hell. The owners on the other hand have never done a single day of physical labor, their meat will be as tender as the finest wagyu.
But unless you go for the fatter owners like the Pegula’s it will have a really rough texture
What on earth are you on about, the muscle is the part that you eat and athletes have the most of it. Sure you’ll need to add some fat but you can use butter or lard for it. Crusty old farts on the other hand barely have any meat and it’ll be old and stringy garbage
So you’re saying Owners for stews, Athletes for entrées?
Render the rich down into suet for cooking fat and candles, grow mushrooms on their skeletons, feed the rest to the pigs and chickens.
not as catchy, but practical. i aint trying to catch kuru from jerry jones.
More like owners for soups, linemen for stews, and athletes for entrees
What about organ meats? What is the effect of PEDs on the flavor of the kidneys? Johnnie Walker Blue? Percocet?
What about organ meats? What is the effect of PEDs on the flavor of kidneys? What about Johnnie Walker Blue? Percocet?
This comic is totally unrealistic. No ride attendant is that happy.
I dunno. The ride attendant looks like Tony Romo, and he seems like an all-around happy guy.
Hahahaha, I love the tiny Kyler and tiny Russ gag.
It will be interesting to calculate how much of this contract gets paid out during the classic Kliff Kingsbury second-half swoons…
If I was Arizona, I would put some serious clauses in there. Removing team photos from the timeline, throwing ints someone 5″ taller would have been able to avoid, losing games in the 2nd half of the season… I’d dock him a couple mil for each occurrence.
Sidenote, now that the Jets have ALSO joined in on the “We’re so edgy and cool with our black alternate helmets” train, I’ve changed my mind on Carolina’s black helmet. I thought it was a little “meh,” but now I just f-ing hate it. Any team who unveils an alt-black helmet going forward needs to lose draft picks and have everyone on their payroll be slapped in the face with the slimiest fish from the most garbage-filled rivers in existence.
>I’d dock him a couple mil for each occurrence.
Post unclear. I’m sure he could handle being docked a few million dollars for each occurrence, but if you mean a few millimeters each…
At first I was like, “WATCHU TALKIN’ BOUT, ZIPPY!?” then I got the joke. Man, I really set myself up for that one. XD
Good ol BFBS. Were back in 2006. Be very wary
Coming back to this after the Cardinals and Eagles also announced black alternate helmets made me laugh harder than it should have.
I personally think he was getting overpaid, and I don´t think the Cardinals will make the playoffs this year either
Hors d’oeuvre.
Bringing up “senile Caroll” … when the Sadhawks hired Caroll I let out an audible “Oh no”. I’m glad that the “local” team finally got an SB, but next year proved that they won *in spite* of their coach, not because of him. If Willy Wonka went senile, would you be able to tell the difference?
> Eat the rich. Kyler will serve as a tasty appetizer. A delicious hor’dourves before the main course of a ketchup-covered Pat Mahomes steak. Just kidding the owners are the real meal even though they’ll taste far worse.
Well now that begs the question, which QB probably tastes the best?
Cougars seem to prefer Zach Wilson
Is it creepy if he looks 14?
My money is on the B.O.A.T., just the right mix between lean and fat AND he comes pre smoked
“Spend time with your loved ones, football will be back soon enough”
Why do you think I go here in the offseason? So I can enjoy football without having to spend time with my loved ones!
Just kidding! Enjoy the time off.
His contract includes a homework clause: https://www.msn.com/en-us/sports/nfl/kyler-murray-homework-clause-in-his-contract-leads-to-memes-mocking-amazement/ar-AAZZeko?li=BBnb7Kz
Discuss.
A very bad look for both the Cards and Murray.