Let Russ Cook
EDIT: due to our dog being a jerk, I am running on no sleep for like 3 days, and did not even start a comic for Friday, sorry bout that
Man am I glad this particular hashtag didn’t last that long. Not because I hate Russ, I love Russ. I just hate the phrase. “Let Russ Cook” was obscenely irritating and everywhere those first few weeks. Russ throws a 15 yard pass? RUSS IS COOKIN. LET HIM COOK. COOK. Like every fan/brand hashtag it wore out its welcome and became a parody of itself within minutes. These days it is now significantly more entertaining as a sneering joke as the Seahawks offense has faltered and the phrase has been co-opted by snarky chucklefucks like myself.
Now? What is Russ cooking? Let Russ Reheat old fish in the microwave. Let Russ Heat Up Some Ramen Packets. Let Russ make dubious food from Breath of the Wild. Remember when Russ was coming out and making this his MVP for your consideration campaign? Maybe that’s why I hated Let Russ Cook – it had all the hallmarks of a cynical brand manipulation. Russ tried to nickname himself “Mr. Unlimited” which thankfully received mostly mockery because of course he’d nickname himself something that utterly bland and flavorless. Also, you can’t nickname yourself. That’s not how it works. We’ve been over this. Russ should be glad he’s fun to watch because he has the same personality of my mid-level manager at Office Depot who took himself far too seriously, blasted jesus rock through the speakers, and made sure to try and get everyone to do a cheer before each opening shift.
I think part of the reason the MVP chatter shuffled into the background besides the obvious decline in offensive quality was that DK Metcalf started stealing all the headlines. Nobody in the booth would talk much about Russ, who we’ve seen do cool shit for years, when Chunky Kong was now routinely making headline grabbing catches every game at wide receiver. After that chase-down of Budda Baker DK was the new hotness. Russ is doomed to never get his MVP love. This was going to be his year before Aaron Rodgers got mad again and Patrick Mahomes continued to be Patrick Mahomes. I think Russ might be the new Brees in that he’s cursed to always be great, but not quite the best in any given year, which keeps him from getting votes. He absolutely should have MVP votes. If they decided to hold a vote for most valuable player over the past decade I might actually vote for him as my pick. The Hawks are nowhere near the perennial contender without him.
These days I’m not even sure what’s wrong. The Giants played brilliantly defensively but that still doesn’t account for all of it. They got out to a horrible start against Buffalo but rebounded late to make it interesting, then looked awful against the Rams and even worse against the Giants. Going in, I actually wasn’t worried about DK because Bradberry has been an all-pro this year and I figured he’d lock him down pretty good (even DK’s big stiff arm was ultimately for like, an extra yard or two because Bradberry still made the tackle). Russ has historically been fine under pressure since he spent most of the 10’s without an o-line and still played his ass off, but he looked rough. Maybe we can blame Brian Schottenheimer? Or Petey? I’m always down to blame Petey.
Anyway “Let Russ Cook” is terrible and I hope it goes away. It would also be hilarious if after such a PR push he got no MVP votes again because of how the team backslid recently.
“I’m always down to blame Petey.”
DAVE HATES PETEY PIRANHA CONFIRMED
Can you blame him? King Boo really carried the team in Double Dash.
Hilariously he really is associated with a frozen food company (Luvo, sadly not Lean Cuisine). One of their early investors and ‘ambassador’.
Let Russ Cook always meant frozen meals
Taking nothing away from him, I don’t see how Russ gets (m)any MVP votes this year. MVP voting is all about the stats. In that sense it isn’t REALLY about being the actual MVP, something I always find annoying. A left tackle could be the most selfless, team-centered inspiration that everyone rallies around, but this award is out of their grasp, because it’s all about being the most me-first stat compiling player. They should really just rename it to the Aaron Rodgers Award. X’D
Russ threw 11 INTs this year. That is worse numbers than other guyses numbers. Stats not shiny. NO SHINY = LOSER.
32 TDs 11 INT – Russ
31 TDs 1 INT – Mahomeboy
36 TDs 4 INT – Discount Double Choke
Yea, it drives me nuts. I get it though as how will the voters know. Those great tackles or ST players are rarely talked about. It’s similar to the pro bowl as that’s the players that get the most headlines and/or are on the best teams.
I’m admittedly naive on the finer points of mvp voting, but what if we let the local beat writers for every team act as “bouncers”… they see every game, let them discuss and come up with 2-3 candidates per team, stats be damned. They put together a “For Your Consideration” reel for those guys and it goes up to the larger body – public/players/etc for final voting, maybe with an additional tier in there to whittle it down more first.
I’m sure there are a myriad of issues I’m not considering, so this would absolutely need to be reconfigured and played with, but it drives me CRAZY that the most VALUABLE player award is basically whichever dude can selfishly pad his own stat line the most. It’s unsurprising that the last time an MVP winner WASN’T a QB or RB was in 1986, when L.T. (the ONLY L.T.) won it. Since then, there have been 35 MVPs. 27 of them have been QBs. 8 of them were RBs. BOOOOOOOOOOH-RING.
If some dude on the d-line or special teams breaks his leg week 1, but he inspires the team, comes back as a pseudo-coach, rallies everyone around him… that dude should be an MVP candidate.
Long time reader; very rarely comment. Just wanna say…YOU WORKED AT OFFICE DEPOT TOO? You weren’t lying when you said you knew pain
Mahomes like Manning before him should probably win it every year.
Drew always peaked in years where other players had better records or had better stories. He never got enough credit for having a rotating cast at receiver, made it easy for any offensive linemen to play, or playing in an archaic offense that makes it harder on the quarterback (Saints have the slowest offense and line up under center more than any other team and have for all the 2010s). It also didn’t help during his prime Brees played with a bottom 5 defense 5 times and basically had to throw 40+ times a game.
I’ve never been a big Rodgers fan in terms of MVP. He takes a surprising number of sacks, has trouble when his team gets behind (even when factoring the ones his defense ruined Andy Dalton has more 4th quarter comebacks) and despite having as much arm talent as Mahomes won’t force the issue when his team needs him to. He gets more points from the media for having really impressive throws, playing for a historic franchise, and for being decent looking in an era where other than TB12, the QB position was dominated by dorky white guys.
I didn’t know Vick was white.
The only good thing about “Let Russ Cook” was being able to use the even more ridiculous “Let Dalvin Cook” and have people get the joke.
I was so excited when he was cooking because he was on my fantasy team, getting 30 ppg. Then he took a plummet and kept getting under ten, with a high of 12. Then Zeke got 2.9 last week and I scored a grand total of 50.6 points. The worst part is, I drafted Michael Thomas with the 2nd pick(behind CMC)!!! hahahahahaha!!!
To end a good note, dave watch gridiron heights…
https://bleacherreport.com/gridiron-heights
Russ sucks.
He’s arrogant, vanilla blah, and less personality than Peyton Manning. The type of thing the NFL loves.
He straight up lost a Superbowl. It was a throwaway play to burn a few seconds, but if it was a passing TD he’d have been the MVP.
It’s the reason BeastMode left, and there was talk about it in the lockerroom. But the media never ran with the story, or even really covered. One of the best players in the league just up and left a good team, and everyone acted normal.
When Marshawn came back you could see the dislike for each other on the field & sideline. No one ever talked about.
But Russ has bland beige crackers to sell.
FWIW Cud Chewing Pete did call the play. Throw a fade instead and they almost certainly win the game.
Man I get hating Russ as a person but this is such a baffling take after all these years. He didn’t lose that Super Bowl. Malcolm Butler made a great play. Russ didn’t call the play and the pass was on target. Would have been a TD if Butler doesn’t sniff it out.
So the Mr Unlimited thing was from like 3 years ago. Someone just dug it from his old twitter.
“Let Russ Softly Weep Into A Pint of Ben and Jerry’s In His Bed Watching Lifetime Originals” – so basically the life of an Eagles fan then?
I look at the score
And the Giants are leading
While my Seahawk gently weeps….
My friend. Referencing a beautiful song while still making fun of a team that wouldn’t be relevant without their QB… This is what I need in 2021. More this.
Dave, your dog is more important than the comic. Take all the time you need.
doggie CBD treats ahem
Russell should be given even more to do, just like Joe Mantegna. Joe should have at least 4 or 5 great performances under his belt, just like Russell Wilson. WE NEED TO FIND BETTER WAYS TO USE JOE MANTEGNA.