We’ve hit that time of year before free agency where I can start hitting on things that the playoffs prevented me from getting to when they happened. BACKLOG TIME! Lets start with the coaching search and the hilarious fate of Josh McDaniels.

I love that nobody hired Josh McDaniels. Fuck that guy. He got the Denver job and alienated everyone, crashing and burning and bringing Tebow Mania into our lives for a first round pick. Then he weaseled his way back to daddy Bill and did his bidding long enough to finally rebuild some of his reputation. Thanks to Brady’s late career brilliance continuing, McDaniels was once again seen as a coaching prospect. I’m okay with second chances. He wasn’t ready for the big time in Denver. Maybe he’ll be better this time. At least we can laugh at him if he torpedoes the Colts.

Then he left the Colts at the altar so he could go back to daddy Bill again. The sniveling weasel rejected the Colts after part of his staff had already been hired (this is the part of the story that really rubbed me the wrong way), just to spend a couple more seasons under Belichick’s whip, taking credit for Brady. He won another ring in the process but does anybody really give Josh McDaniels credit for that offense? Brady gets the credit. This season I saw a ton of Patriots fans actually bitching about McDaniels’ play calling. He seemed unable to adjust to the lack of talent.

Josh McDaniels doesn’t deserve another head coaching job after how he acted with the Colts. Took him all that time to rebuild his image and he does that? I hope McDaniels toils under Bill for eternity and the offense gets worse and worse as Brady ages, leaves, and dies. Then when Bill retires, Josh gets the job and fails in a matter of two seasons, then is never seen again.

So let’s talk about who did get hired! Some of these I’ve already touched on, but consider this the consolidation post and feel free to offer your own thoughts on each in the comments.

-Ron Rivera, Redskins
This is a good move. Hiring Jack Del Rio on defense was also a good move. Giving Rivera plenty of sway and control in the organization is a good move. Firing Bruce Allen is a great move. In a vacuum I love this move for the Skins. The problem is, it isn’t the vacuum you want. This vacuum is Dan Snyder, and like the most powerful industrial vacuums on earth, he suuuuuuuucks. I expect this relationship to look good for two seasons as the team rebuilds into a playoff contender. Then things start to get really Snyder’d and Rivera spends another season or two as a dead eye’d husk of himself wishing to die. Did you not watch Jay Gruden’s tenure? Or any other coach he’s hired? Dan Snyder is human prostate cancer.

-Matt Rhule, Panthers
I love this hire. I wish the Giants had signed him but there was no way the Giants were going to go all-in like the Panthers did. The Panthers have fully and deeply committed to NEW PANTHERS, DIRECTED BY MATT RHULE. They signed him with total control and gave him the time to build his program. I don’t know if Matt Rhule is going to be a great coach, but I can’t help but love that the Panthers appear willing to commit to giving this experiment a shot. Time will tell, but as of now, I love this move. Worst case he ends up Chip Kelly and gives us hilarity instead.

-Mike McCarthy, Cowboys
Whatever. I think this is a lateral move. He’ll be fine but not inspiring. By most reports Fat Mike gave up giving a shit by the end of his Green Bay tenure so he might just be in it to get mad stacks for taking Jerry’s hand up his butt.

-Kevin Stefanski, Browns
This one surprised me. I don’t know much about Stefanski and how Vikings fans viewed him (can a Vikings fan offer some clarity there?) but after their last coaching hire was an unproven new HC and that ended in total disaster, I expected the Browns to play it safe and hire a retread. I actually thought this was the spot for McDaniels to land, which would have either been McDaniels’ redemption arc or another chapter in and Browns/McDaniels hilarity sagas. Stefanski is an unknown to me. He got Kirk to look good, so that’s something. He learned under Zimmer, which is great. Maybe this will work. He has to be better than Freddie Kitchens.  They also hired Bill Callahan as O-line coach, a good hire and one sorely needed.

-Joe Judge, Giants
I mean who? Nobody knew who this dude was before this hire except especially in-tune Pats fans. A special teams coordinator? Where did this come from? So far what Judge has done to endear himself has been talk assertively in cliches at his first press conference and hire plenty of experience to work under him. Seriously you should have seen how Giants fans were salivating over his press conference. He said nothing of value, just typical “WE ARE GONNA PLAY HARD AND STUFF AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY” coach speak but because he said it with AUTHORITY in his voice everyone got wet. I wasn’t impressed. I’m also not impressed by his hires. Jason Garrett as OC seems…acceptable at best? I don’t remember his offense being special in Dallas despite years of talent. He brings experience to the staff but I worry he might overtake Judge. Then again, Judge TALKS WITH AUTHORITY so maybe he’ll be fine. Patrick Graham, the new DC, has nothing on his resume of much value. We also hired Freddie Kitchens to be TE coach. MEME TEAM. Judge is such an unknown that he could be anything. I don’t have high hopes. Gettleman is already on the hot seat which means if we have another disaster year the whole thing could be in disarray again. I am dead inside.

Still, better than McDaniels. Fuck that guy.