The QB world is gonna look really weird next season. The famous ’04 class is now 1/3rd retired, 1/3rd a free agent, and 1/3rd a fat rapist who might still retire but probably not yet. Rivers, Mariota, Jameis, Brees, Brady, Keenum, Hill, Bridgewater, Flacco, Tannehill, Dalton, and Dak Prescott’s statuses are all up in the air. Presumably most of them will return to their current teams (Brady, Jameis, Brees, Tannehill, Dak), some could end up anywhere (Bridgewater, Dalton, Mariota, Keenum) and some are unknowns overall (Hill, Flacco). One is for sure. Philip Rivers is no longer a San Diego Los Angeles Charger.

I have no idea where Rivers is going to end up. I could see him as a colt, a bear, a Tampa Bay Viper…it’s gonna be fun waiting to see what Philip wants. The dude should probably be the darling of free agency unless Brees and Brady don’t actually return to their teams as expected.

It is going to suck seeing Bolo Boy in a different uniform but it might be something that the Chargers need in the long run. Not just from a new team perspective but from a moving on from San Diego perspective. Philip was the face of the San Diego Chargers. For the team to totally move into their new identity, or at least to have any hope of doing so, they probably need to put the Rivers era behind them. Whoever they end up with (folks are already calling for it to be Justin Herbert) will be LA’s QB, not a holdover from the good days of San Diego. Maybe that will inspire some fandom. Best case scenario it does. Worst case scenario they keep being completely irrelevant on a soccer field.

I’ve seen some chucklefucks bringing up how the Chargers have treated Philip compared to how the Giants have treated Eli and how Eli made the right choice in the draft. I love dunking on the Chargers and Phil but this isn’t fair. In terms of ownership yeah, Eli was right. But Rivers didn’t retire, he left. Of course he’s going to be treated differently. He’s not gone yet. I have zero doubts the Chargers will gladly welcome Rivers back to retire with them one day. Unless he goes to the Raiders and wins a Super Bowl. That would be hilarious.

Speaking of which, that makes me wonder. What is the funniest possible landing spot for every QB that could move this year? Lets thought exercise.

BRADY – Colts. The Colts have a long history of hating Tom Brady and were the progenitors of the deflategate scandal. Seeing Colts fans have to suddenly support the man would be choice schadenfreude.
MARIOTA- Tampa Bay. The team that passed on him and can’t handle the volatile Jameis amends their mistake and gets the conservative good boy.
JAMEIS – Tennessee. Just reverse the James/Mariota draft completely and see what happens.
DAK – Skins, just adding to the QB dead money, but instead takes them to the playoffs and Dallas gets fucked
BREES- Chargers. The Chargers call it a return tour
KEENUM- Patriots. Let’s see how the fans handle this level of downgrade
RIVERS- Raiders. Immediately supplanting Carr and goes to the playoffs over the Chargers. Watching him and Gruden yell at each other in Vegas is prime television.
TEDDY- Bears, suddenly takes stacked Bears team to new heights, embarrassing Trubes and the Vikings on the way
HILL- Literally anywhere as a starting QB, the guy has thrown like 10 passes. Seems like a John Elway Special if I gotta pick one.