I’m getting very tired of the Kelce industrial complex. The mom was a cute story last year with both brothers in the Super Bowl, but now she’s getting shown in her luxury booths every week and this Sunday was seen sitting next to…Jake from State Farm? Travis has started to appear in some State Farm ads with Mahomes so it was all likely a plant. The Kelce’s have a big docu-series on Amazon Prime, too. Not to mention the entire Taylor Swift thing. It’s hard not to wonder if Swift/Kelce isn’t also in some ways a ploy. Maybe the NFL is throwing money at Swift to attend the games so they can use her relationship with Kelce for more eyeballs. Remember: as far as we know, they aren’t a confirmed couple. I don’t like being a conspiracy guy but I’m getting suspicious.

We had a mixed week of chaos. Some games went exactly as expected: like the Lions solidly beating the Packers. The 49ers solidly beating the Cardinals. The Bucs beating the Saints, the Chargers beating the Raiders, the Cowboys beating the Pats…but then we had some weirdness. The Chiefs beat the Jets, but it was shockingly close and Mahomes looked off. The Texans beat up the Steelers. The Commanders took Philly down to the wire, in Philly. The Bills looked like the Dolphins instead of the Dolphins. The Vikings beat the Panthers but looked exceptionally Vikings the whole time, giving up yet another redzone fumble before going ahead on a fumble return TD of their own. Bless the Vikings, they are chaos gods. The Titans beat up the Bengals pretty badly, and Derrick Henry added to his passing TD total. That play was really funny because the Bengals saw it coming, called timeout…then the Titans ran the play again and still scored with ease. Great job, Zac.

The Giants look like ass and they play the Dolphins and Bills in the next two games. The season is over, throw some of the youngins in there and see what they got. I’ve tried my damndest to give Daniel Jones as much benefit of the doubt as I can despite not thinking he’s good, but with Sam Howell keeping the Commanders competitive against the Eagles and other teams despite being sacked into oblivion and CJ Stroud lighting up defenses for 24 points per game with injured lineman around him I just don’t know what excuses I can give the guy anymore that I haven’t worn out over the last 5 seasons. He’s butt. I hate that we have to suffer at least 2 years of this shit.

In week 2 the Giants were down 28-7 in the third quarter. They would make a ferocious comeback to win 31-28. In week 4, the Bears would defy the odds and jokes from the previous 3 weeks and go up 28-7 in the third quarter. The Broncos would win, 31-28. Is 28-7 the most dangerous lead in the NFL? The Broncos managed to save their season with this comeback. The Bears managed to do exactly what they need to do. The last thing this Bears squad needs is actually winning games. People need to get fired in Chicago, houses need to be cleaned. The Broncos can be a little more patient. Russ is actually performing better right now and was a big part of the comeback. The person who needs to get fired in Denver is Vance Joseph. This was one of the best defenses in the league last season, there’s no excuse for them to fall this far this fast.

One thing of note: I’ve heard the Refs hate Sean Payton after he caused a (rightful) stink over the infamous no-PI in the championship game. But hate Payton or not, I do not see any viable excuse for this play to be called a touchdown. For years, getting two feet down in bounds is pretty much the one thing about NFL catches that everyone can agree on and has concrete evidence without any subjectivity. Moore’s right foot never touches the ground. The Pylon does not count as the ground, the pylon is only the vertical representation of the endzone plane, and him crossing the plane was not in question. This was a scoring play, it was reviewed, so there is no excuse for this. Even the CBS announcers were baffled. Worst call of the week.

Quay Walker turned a potential Packers comeback chance into a surefire loss by being a dumbass once more during a field goal attempt.

The Texans. THE TEXANS! The Texans made smart moves this offseason and they are paying off immediately. CJ Stroud is lighting up the field. Beating Jacksonville as Jacksonville slumps may not be a big accomplishment, but then handily beating up the Steelers offense for a full game is absolutely an accomplishment. Yes, the Steelers offense is dreadful, but the D is pretty good! I’m still not sold that this team has a high ceiling this season, not yet, but it might have been higher than any of us first thought.

The Bengals. I had hope for the Bengals. Yeah, Burrow has been hurt but they seemed to find an identity of sorts against the Rams Monday night but then they come out against the Titans and just get completely flattened. Something is very wrong with the Bengals.

Desmond Ridder. My guy aint it. He bad.

Fire Dennis Allen as soon as humanly possible, the Saints are just unwatchable garbage under him.


I will be spending a week with family on a mini-vacation. I likely will not even be able to watch the games on Thursday-Monday, let alone draw anything until Wednesday night. There will be no comic on Friday, no pictures or Chaos Report until likely Thursday or so next week.

Is there any team in the league you would pick the Bears to beat at this point?
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Smith holding up a trophy that says MORAL VICTORY

The Jags playing two London games in a row is such a fuck you to their fans. Yes, one is technically an “away” game but come on. Poor Jaguars are never going to escape the London Jaguars jokes until a different team moves there/expands there. The Bills seem to have righted the ship after that week 1 loss, so I expect a spanking.
If the Jags win, I will draw Trevor as the King

I am officially now a passenger on the CJ Stroud hype train.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Desmond Ridder as a scary Falcon/Human chimera that shouldn’t be alive and is a crime against nature

The Panthers don’t have a first-round pick, they can’t afford to be this bad. But they are!
If the Panthers win, I will draw a black panther as a Black Panther

This game looks way more interesting than I would have expected. The Titans have some feistiness this season still but so do the Colts. I genuinely don’t know who to pick. Vegas is going Titans so I will also go Titans.
If the Colts win, I will draw Anthony Richardson dunking on Mike Vrabel

The Giants defense is going to be eaten alive. I swear if Wink starts blitzing the QB who is literally throwing the ball faster from snap than anyone else he’s a fucking moron.
If the Giants win, I will draw Brian Daboll as a fisherman, trapping a Tua in a net

I hate these Saints. I hate watching them. I hate them being on my screen. I hate even having to consider them. Send Dennis Allen to the Hague for crimes against watchable football.
If the Saints win, I will draw Derek Car running over Mac Jones

God the Steelers offense is disgusting. Just putrid. Is only watchable when Pickett goes gunslinger and hucks a deep pick. Of course now Pickett is hurt, so it’s TRUBISKY TIME.
If the Steelers win, I will draw Mitch Trubisky kissing some cute little titmice

This should be a blowout but I’ve lost faith in the Bengals and I’m gonna go full Dobbs
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joe Burrow smoking a cactus

The Rams are mediocre. They have spice, but they aren’t a complete team that can compete with the best.
If the Rams win, I will draw Stafford Tush Pushing Hurts off a cliff

Nathaniel Hackett revenge game
If the Broncos win, I will draw Sean Payton making rude gestures to Nate Hackett

Vikings finally chaos’d their way into the win column only to face the Chiefs, oof.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Taylor Swift dating Phat Dumpy Kirk

Oh hey, the Cowboys always find a way to lose this matchup. I look forward to the newest brainfart from McCarthy.
If the Cowboys win, I will draw the Rich Texan from the Simpsons yee hawwing

The Battle of Mid. Hell, if it’s even that. Vegas is going Raiders. I don’t know if I can do that. Packers.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Josh McDaniels throwing a bomb in the smokestack of the Love Train

If we get a tie game, both QBs solemnly hugging it out before they get vaporized by nuclear hellfire