WEEK 2 CHAOS IN THE BOOKS! WE BACK BABY! As stated yesterday I’m already changing up the plan. Today is the full week chaos report and picks for the next week. If you want the pics from week 2, go back to yesterday!

A delightful week. Most games ended with the teams we expected to win actually winning, but the way those wins happened featured a lot of glorious, delightful nonsense. The Vikings and Eagles started us off with a game that looks closer than it actually was, but mostly featured the Vikings blowing it at every turn and then the Eagles fell asleep and fucked around almost to find out late as the Vikings cleaned up the mistakes to make it interesting. This year the Vikings honestly look like the same team, just they are losing the close ones instead. The Colts lost Anthony Richardson to concussion and Gardner Minshew came in to light up the scoreboard. Sam Howell might be a baller, the Buccaneers are 2-0, and the Falcons are quietly kinda fun! Lions/Seahawks was outstanding, the Chargers remain the Chargers, and the Rams might have genuine superstars at wideout from out of nowhere. Browns/Steelers was on track to being the most chaotic game of the week in a total laugher until Nick Chubb got hurt so bad the broadcast wouldn’t even show the replay. Don’t look up the injury if you haven’t yet, it’s one of the worst knee injuries I’ve seen.

I spent all last week trying to convince myself and everyone else that the Cowboys game was a fluke game, an aberration. The Giants aren’t actually as bad as they looked in that game. Then for the first 2 quarters against a team that most people assume is tanking the season, my heart was in the pit of my stomach and I was left wondering if actually I was wrong. What if the Giants are that bad? Then a switch flipped and the team finally scored some points. Then they scored more points. They just kept scoring points. The Cardinals got one score early in the 3rd but that was it. It was like they just stopped trying and the Giants were suddenly ripping them apart, with a rotated and depleted O-line, no less. The last time the Giants had a comeback this big was in the 50’s (also against the Cardinals, funnily enough). So the season is saved, for the moment. Saquon hurt his ankle but early reports say sprain. He needs to just rest up because we won’t have a chance against the 49ers on Thursday.

The game itself was also pretty chaotic, but the single most chaotic play I can recall seeing this entire weekend was the Broncos Hail Mary touchdown at the end of regulation. It’s the kind of play you dream of, and then they botched the 2 point conversion. Sean Payton and wild endings to a game, name a more prolific combo. Although, I want to give a shoutout to the Patriots attempted lateral for a first down, which absolutely ruled and should not have been overturned. Also big ups for the blocked kick play, for a boring team the Patriots gave us some fun moments.

The NFC South. The Falcons, Saints, and Bucs are all undefeated. What’s going on here?

The Chargers are sort of perpetual frauds, but going 0-2 after still putting up gaudy numbers is sad. The Chargers are going to fuck around and find out yet again when they should be one of the premier teams in the AFC. Fire Brandon Staley.

The Jaguars. Granted, going up against Mahomes is no easy feat, and a loss was probably expected, but it was still a slog.

The Panthers might be interesting later this year but right now they are unwatchable dreck. My eyes just glaze off the screen. It takes a lot to be less interesting than the Dennis Allen Saints. As soon as the Browns/Steelers game started I flipped over and never flipped back.

BETS FOR WEEK 3! We are going to go for our first themed week. MUPPET WEEK!

The Giants need to be thankful for the Cards comeback so they don’t go 0-3 after they get obliterated this Thursday.
If the Giants win, I will draw Daniel Jones as Gonzo

The Falcons first big test comes up. If they can surprise the Lions, we need to be on Falcons watch. The Lions have played two outstanding games so far but the defense still has some issues.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Bijan Robinson as Big Bird

Two choke artists go at it. Man I have no goddamn idea. I’ll pick the Vikings. at home I guess.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert as Beaker and Keenan Allen as Dr Bunsen Honeydew

The Saints are 2-0? They aren’t inspiring, but neither are the Packers. However I’ll go home team, Pack has put up points in both contests.
If the Saints win, I will draw Derek Carr and Chris Olave as Bert and Ernie

The Jaguars get back on track after beating up nobody’s biggest fear.
If the Texans win, I will draw CJ Stroud as Scooter

Dolphins have made their two wins harder than they needed to be, but now they get to play a bad team!
If the Broncos win, I will draw Russ as The Swedish Chef

The Browns got a pretty decent defense but without Chubb this team is not very imposing on offense. What was probably due to be a knockout no might be close. Still going Browns.
If the Titans win, I will draw Derrick Henry as Cookie Monster

Commies probably finally get stuffed here but I’m still worried about the Bills. If the Commies win, that probably gets national attention, and I can see it happening.
If the Commies win, I will draw Scary Terry as Sweetums

Ravens are good again. Colts are fun, but not great.
If the Colts win, I will draw Gardner Minshew as Rowlf the dog

Oof. The Jets are the better team, but Zach Wilson. The Patriots are mid, but like to humiliate the Jets. I’ll still pick the Jets I guess.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Bill Belichick as Oscar the Grouch

Seahawks. I got worried there for a minute, but Geno’s back, baby.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Bryce Young as Rizzo the Rat

Oh god
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields as Fozzie Bear

Oh god
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Josh Dobbs as Elmo

The Steelers have a good defense. Shame about the offense. The Raiders? Uh, shame. At least the Steelers have one good side of the ball.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Jimmy Garoppolo as Miss Piggy

Lord how funny would it be if the Bucs somehow won this? They wont.
If the Bucs win, I will draw Baker as Dr. Teeth

I think the Rams might be better than anticipated. They got something cookin.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joe Burrow as Animal

Both QBs as Statler and Waldorf, mocking their own game