WEEK 17 CHAOS REPORT AND CARTOON PICS: ALMOST THERE
Sorry for the weird upload timing on this one, forgot Sunday was NYE and had plans. Let’s just get the pics out of the way first! I got most games right this week but the ones I had to draw were some of the best ideas I had.
THE WEEK IN CHAOS
–This was not a chaotic week. The Panthers locked up the #1 draft spot for Chicago and David Tepper threw his drink on a fan. It’s hard to think of a bigger disaster of a season in recent memory. Normally having the #1 overall pick is the one major consolation prize to having a season this bad and the Panthers couldn’t even get that right. The Ravens are now clearly the best team in football. The Vikings and Browns, both starting their 4th QBs of the year, have taken very different paths. The Vikings are horrible. The Browns are somehow spectacular, but I’ll get to that.
The Eagles are massive frauds, but I’ll get to that too. The Broncos! Now that’s some weirdness. The Russell Wilson drama is getting ugly and while it’s easy to side with the Broncos because Russ has not lived up to that contract in the slightest, the way they treated him is also vintage Sean Payton Shitty. Telling him they’ll bench him if he doesn’t change his contract to allow for more flexibility. My brother in christ you gave him that contract, you have to eat it. The funny part is that if the Broncos had simply benched him without explaining I don’t think anyone would have complained. Throw a vague “performance issues” or “want to see the young guys” out there and everybody buys it, even with Russ doing better this year than last. Deliberatley try to hold him hostage into changing his deal and all you’ve done is get the NFLPA involved and it might cost the Broncos yet another 1st round draft pick. Incredible work, Payton. Mr Scandal himself just can’t help it.
Not a lot else stood out to me. The Dolphins lost Chubb in garbage time (Bad!) and the Lions got screwed by the officials again. The Seahawks are painfully mediocre. The Buccaneers laid an egg just when they had the NFCS in their sights. The Bears have arrived at an interesting place in that the last 3rd of the year they’ve taken the steps forward that they were supposed to take well before this. Fields is playing reasonably well, the coaching isn’t a disaster, and the team won some games. So what now? They have the first overall pick and as of right now, I think also #7. Do you cut the bait and start over from scratch with a new QB and staff or keep trying to make this work? I’d probably trade Fields for even more draft capital and start over anew but I have no idea what the Bears are going to do.
GIANTS CORNER
–The Giants gave the Rams a better run for their money than I would have expected. The defense continues to be underappreciated and held back by the offense not supporting them. They had Stafford seeing ghosts. I really hope the rumored schism between Wink and Daboll is a load of bullshit because Wink’s done the best job out of all the coaches this season. On the plus side, being competitive and still losing is basically the best-case scenario right now for the future. I’d love to see them embarrass the Eagles next week draft picks be damned. But I’d happily settle for competitive. As long as they put up a fight they can send this disaster of a year out on a reasonable note.
CHAOS OF THE WEEK
–Most of my affection for the Browns went out the window the instant they gave a sex pest the biggest contract in NFL history. That anger has stayed with me and I do not feel the warmth towards them I used to. That said, it is very hard to not enjoy this current ride. To see them reach the playoffs, to even be thriving, under Joe Flacco of all people, is delightful. They are injured to hell and still winning. A guy off the street who came back purely for the love of the game has saved the season for them. Kevin Stefanski might deserve coach of the year for this and the Browns might deserve Chaotic team of the year. If the Browns are going to succeed in this current tainted regime, this would be the funniest year to do so. To get a ring despite Watson instead of because of him would honestly give Browns fans the dreams they’ve always wanted without giving the pieces of shit who put this into motion the satisfaction that they made the right move as immediately next year the albatross of a contract begins to truly weigh them down.
CHAOTIC MOMENTS OF THE WEEK
–The Lions are absolutely cursed. After a miracle drive to end the game against the Cowboys the Lions decided to go for the win because Dan Campbell doesn’t fuck around. They went for 2, got a conversion to a big boy lineman, and celebrated. What felt like a minute later the joy had been sucked out of the world as they took the play away because the lineman had failed to declare himself eligible, so the formation and play was, by rule, illegal.
Or did he? Footage of the moments before the play show Taylor Decker (the lineman in question) talking to the ref and the ref seemingly acknowledging him. However, it appears that the official instead believed that a different player (Dan Skipper), who was jogging onto the field at the time, was the one who reported as eligible. So they declared the wrong player to the world and rendered the play illegal. This is not the Lions fault. They did everything according to the rules and the officials fucked it up. You can blame home-cooking for Dallas if you want, but the reality is this was likely just straight-up incompetence. Same as it’s been all year. Just another excellent game ruined by refball at the end. The NFL of course deflected all blame onto the Lions because they will never pretend the officials got it wrong even though they removed that officiating crew from the playoffs.
We continue to watch the officiating deteriorate in real-time. I’m not sure the refs right now are any better than the infamous replacement refs from several years ago. Something has to be fixed, but we all know it won’t happen.
CHAOS WATCH
–The final week of the season doesn’t hold much in terms of potential surprise this year. The NFC South is still up in the air with the Bucs controlling their destiny, both the Falcons and Saints need to win (they face each other) and have the Bucs lose to the Panthers (lol). So I guess the Panthers could potentially cause chaos. The Bills and Dolphins are playing for the division and the Bills are not yet clinched for the playoffs so that one is for all the marbles. Both Indianapolis and Jacksonville control their own destinies for the playoffs with a win, and the Colts could steal the division if the Jaguars blow it against Tennessee. Houston also gets into the playoffs if they beat the Colts. Green Bay is into the playoffs with a win as well over the Bears, giving the Bears an opportunity to cause chaos. The Vikings appear to have the most unlikely outside chance out of every team, needing to beat the Lions and have GB, SEA, and either TB or NO lose. So if you love chaos, root for that.
FRAUD WATCH
–The Eagles are frauds. Massive frauds. Something is rotten in Philly. The defense is now under the control of Matt Patricia and they still look terrible. The offense is pathetic and seems to be based entirely around having the talented players just win every matchup against their opponents. The team is falling apart at the worst time and I expect them to be one and done. Side note: hell yeah
DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK
–Dolphins? Yeah, they haven’t done very well against good teams all season and the Ravens are clear favorites for the Super Bowl now, but letting them hang 56 points on you? Well, at least Mike McDaniel can say he’s been on the giving and receiving end of a total meltdown this year, so that’s neat.
MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK
–Washington? Minnesota? Chargers? Bucs? All good picks. And yet, the Carolina Panthers remain our unwatchable kings. Thank god we only have to witness one more game from this team.
————————————————————
BETS FOR NEXT WEEK – YOU DECIDE! Is there a bet you were particularly sad didn’t get made this year that you think deserves a second chance? An idea you’ve had the whole time and want to see?! Only condition is that it has to line up with who I am already picking to win. I’ll hold off on deciding as long as possible until the day of the games to give everyone the opportunity.
STEELERS @ RAVENS
Mike Tomlin clinched his 17 straight non-losing season in a row, maybe one of the most unbelievable coaching records out there considering some of the shit the Steelers have trotted out during that timeframe, including this season. The Ravens have nothing to play for as they’ve already clinched home-field. Yet I still cant quite pick against Baltimore. Even backups would enjoy sending Tomlin home sad.
If the Steelers win, I will draw…(please read the top of this section if you have not yet done so)
TEXANS @ COLTS
The winner of this game is a playoff team and potentially a division winner if the Jags lose. All the marbles are here. I’ll take the home team, and Indy has historically been a horrible place for the Texans.
If the Texans win, I will draw…
JAGUARS @ TITANS
The Jaguars win the division with a win. If they lose and some other things happen, they could be eliminated. Titans have nothing to play for but spoiler, but that team is a mess.
If the Titans win, I will draw…
VIKINGS @ LIONS
The Vikings have spent the year proving why backup quarterbacks are backups. The Lions are going to be fresh off the bullshit loss and angry. Dan Campbell does not rest.
If the Vikings win, I will draw…
FALCONS @ SAINTS
HATE WEEK! Love that these two bitter enemies are fighting for the right to be the division winner solely if the Bucs manage to lose. I’ll take the Saints.
If the Falcons win, I will draw…
JETS @ PATRIOTS
Bill Belichick would probably relish his potential final game in New England being one last vintage destruction of the Jets.
If the Jets win, I will draw…
BUCS @ PANTHERS
Bucs, you are being handed the division on a silver platter. If you fuck this up, you deserve every insult thrown your way.
If the Panthers win, I will draw…
BROWNS @ BENGALS
The battle of Ohio has always trended towards the Northeast in recent years and I’d have to imagine Joe Flacco knows how to beat the Bengals.
If the Bengals win, I will draw…
BEARS @ PACKERS
If the Bears defeat the Packers and manage to eliminate them from the playoffs in the process, everyone on the team probably stays employed. That said, the Packers own the Bears.
If the Bears win, I will draw…
COWBOYS @ COMMIES
Commies probably don’t even want to suit up for this game knowing what’s coming. Would you? Has anyone put forth full effort for a company you know is about to sack you? They don’t deserve it.
If the Commies win, I will draw…
BRONCOS @ RAIDERS
Antonio Pierce is coaching for his job, so going out with two losses would be embarassing. Broncos DGAF. Raiders at home.
If the Broncos win, I will draw…
EAGLES @ GIANTS
Giants have an opportunity to spoil the Eagles fun and division chances by upsetting the squad but the Giants just aren’t good.
If the Giants win, I will draw…
SEAHAWKS @ CARDINALS
The Seahawks have been one of this season’s more understated disappointments. They squeaked into the playoffs last year off the back of Geno playing better than expected and yet this year they look even worse. The defense isn’t good, the offense is muddled and rarely plays to potential. This team may make the playoffs but it won’t feel deserved and they certainly won’t go anywhere. The Cardinals are bad, but I’ll give Seattle the nod just because they are desperate.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw…
RAMS @ 49ERS
Same ol sorry ass Rams meme even if the 49ers are resting everybody. Rams are pretty locked in place so they don’t have much to play for either.
If the Rams win, I will draw…
CHIEFS @ CHARGERS
Chiefs can enter the playoffs on a mid note by stumbling to victory against a bunch of losers who don’t even want to be there anymore.
If the Chargers win, I will draw…
BILLS @ DOLPHINS
All the marbles here we go. I’m going Bills. The Dolphins have struggled and have gotten less fun as the season has gone on while the Bills have righted the ship since firing Dorsey. I’d be afraid of the Bills right now.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw…
A TIE
If we get a tie, I will draw…
If the Texans win, draw Big Dick Nick Caserio serving colt casserole to Rookie Texans. If the Jags also lose, maybe a casserole of the AFC South as the Texans would win the South.
If the Vikings win, you could draw an injured ViKeving, who stumbles and somehow escapes the Lion’s Dan.
Thanks for your drawplays and happy newy ear!
If the Jets win, draw *insert starting qb here* escorting the hoodie out of town on an actual jet.
If the Panthers win, draw sea god and fat man baby Dave Tepper throwing a massive L on a pirate ship.
If the Titans win, draw Derrick Henry stiff arming Jaxson de Ville a la Josh Norman.
If the Chargers win, draw Brandon Staley asking if anyone is surprised about what happened as Chiefs fans cry.
These are some of my ideas.
I love the David Tepper idea!! Maybe instead of on a pirate ship, he sinks the pirate ship with the giant L.
Some extra ideas:
– If the Steelers win, draw Mike Tomlin batting John Harbaugh with a steel beam.
– If the Packers lose, draw Justin Fields as a cheesegrater shredding Jordan Love
– If the Texans win, draw CJ Stroud wrangling centaur Gardner Minshew with rope from a bunch of L’s
– If the Dolphins win, draw Josh Allen, Sean McDermott, Stefon Diggs, and James Cook drowning in a dolphin tank at SeaWorld.
One more after reading one of the Titans comics:
– If the Titans win, draw Mike Vrabel preparing to cut off Jaxson de Ville’s hog (since it’s canon that Mike Vrabel is smooth at the groin).
If the Texans win, draw a glass or cup of Lean beating up a Sugar Cream Pie
P
If the Broncos win, draw Sean Payton ripping up Antonio Pierce’s Packers special team coordinator contract for next year.
If the Panthers win: Draw Bryce Young as Sephiroth stabbing Aerith Baker Mayfield
If the Chargers win: Draw Justin Herbert as Raiden (Metal Gear) slicing up Kermit
If the Steelers Win: Draw their starting QB as Chai (Hi-Fi Rush)
If the Bengals win, draw Old Man Flacco as Hans Moleman getting hit in the groin with a football.
I like this one.
Flacco’s not gonna play in that game so I don’t see the point of drawing him as anything.
If the Giants win, maybe draw the cover image from The Rescuers Down Under, but with any four Giants pulling the eagle out of the sky with the rope (instead of sliding down it, or riding it, or whatever they’re doing in the original…I haven’t seen it since childhood, so).
If the Jets win draw Belichick riding a bomb out of a jet piloted by Saleh and Aaron Rodgers like the end of Dr Strangelove
If the Giants win draw a bunch of Cowboys rioting and looting a Giant Eagle grocery store. (Midwest chain)
If the Falcons win draw Momma Falcon Arthur Smith feeding a tiny Derek Carr to baby Ridder(or whatever QB) in a nest of broken halos.
If there is a tie draw whoever you want from both teams as Dilbert and Wally getting lectured by a pointy haired NFL commissioner. Alternatively, of both teams draw whoever from both teams wear only ties (hope for the Jags)
Unrelatedly, I appreciate the mustache on the Minshew reverse centaur.
– If the titans win, draw Mike Vrabel preparing the procedure to cut off Jaxson De Ville’s dong (since it’s DrawPlay canon that Mike Vrabel is smooth)
If the dolphins win, let the dolphin rip out of the buffalo like a facehugger.
If the Panthers win, Bryce Young throws Baker back into a pit of obscure number 1st round QBs
If the Raiders win, Antonio Pierce walks Sean Payton off the plank to Mini-Russ’s approval
If the Texans win, DeMarco Ryan and CJ Stroud stand in a pile of Midh-glue.
If the Vikings win, draw a four-headed monster of their starting quarterbacks crossing the finish line to 8-9.
If there is a TIE, draw the two QBs flipping off a bunch of angry fans thinking we would go the full season without a tie.
Hey, Dave! Here are some ideas – feel free to amend as suits any improvements you think of or use these in the future:
If the Panthers win, draw tiny Bryce Young making Baker walk the plank
If the Falcons win, draw the Millennium Falcon outracing Derek Car. Anything ft. Derek Car would be awesome
If the Bears win, draw the Chicago Bean from the top rope
If the Titans win, draw Mike Vrabel squirting mayonnaise in an unnecessarily suggestive way
If the Texans win, draw DeMeco Ryans showing no respect for Shane Steichen
If the Jets win, draw Bill Belichick hanging from the nose of an airborne jet plane by his sleeveless hoodie hood, awaiting the sweet release of death in his Billy B way
If the Chargers win, draw Khalil Mack as Return Of The Mack
If the Rams win, draw Matthew Stafford, ready (or not) to reenter Detroit
If the Cardinals win, draw Jonathan Pee Wee Herman Gannon antagonizing Pete Carroll
If we get a tie, draw both QBs with suffocatingly many neckties on; perhaps they are even… choking, you might say
And one I would still love to see is any coach making the troll face.
Thanks very much, and happy new year to you!
If the Chargers win, draw Kermit (riding a walrus) being jousted by Joey Bosa riding a charging horse (see 1960s Chargers logo).
If the Jets win, draw Mr. Clean scrubbing New England out of a map of the United States.
If the Dolphins win, draw Mike McDaniel celebrating after being found not guilty of fraud.
If the Bears win, draw Soldier Field as a spaceship abducting Jordan Love.
If the Bengals win, draw Mike Brown boiling the body of Art Modell in a pot of chili.
If the Giants win, draw Brian Daboll deep frying an eagle.
If the Steelers win, draw Mike Tomlin and Kenny Pickett dissing and dismissing the Ravens’ AFC North title and number 1 seed.
If the Vikings win, draw Dan Campbell fracturing his jaw attempting to bite a kneecap.
If the Rams win, draw Aaron Donald taking over “Is Brock Purdy Good?”, going HELL NO and trucking Purdy.
If the Cardinals win, draw Kyler Murray shooting Geno Smith from behind in Call of Duty.
If the Boncos win, draw Allegiant Stadium being converted to a Walmart Supercenter.
If the Commanders win, draw Riverboat Ron turning Jerry Jones into oil.
If the Panthers win, draw David Tepper drowning the Glazers in beer.
If the Falcons win, draw four Falcons players with a dismembered King Cake baby, a la the Beatles’ “Yesterday and Today” cover art.
If the Texans win, draw Davis Mills destroying Lucas Oil Stadium by wrapping his neck around it, a la rubber bands on a watermelon.
If the Titans win, draw Trevor Lawrence as an unattractive hobo, with Titans players (including Derrick Henry, the hottie) jeering at him.
If there is a tie, draw both coaches in stocks, with tomatoes being thrown at them.
If there is another tie, draw both punters without faces. In black and white. With their legs withering.
Hall of Fame Week: Winner gets the best player from the franchise to help the team win Ala Angels in the Outfield.
Steelers win Mean Joe Greene giving an extra push to T.J. Watt
Texans win: Show the spirit of J.J. Watt empowering C.J. Stroud
Titans win: Show the spirits of the failed Tennessee show Steve McNair helping whomever the Titans Qb is to throw.
Vikings Win: Show the spirit of Fran Tarkenton giving life to the bad Qb’s of the Vikings and sitting next to Kurt Cousins.
Falcons Win: Show Deon taking over a Falcons Player to Highlight Step.
Jets Win: Show Joe Namath basking in the suffering of his team and the Patriots
Panthers Win: Show Luke Kueckly giving strength to the D.
Bengals Win: Paul Brown gives the bird to Brownie as his son does the same.
Bears Win: The Spirit of the 85 Bears and Mike Dikta running over Brett Farve and Bart Starr
Commies Win: The power of the Soviet Workers empowering the Commies to bring the revolution to Dallas.
Broncos Win: The Spirit of Peyton and John Elway empower the starting QB giving them a big chin and giant forehead.
Giants: The spirit of Lawerence Taylor overtakes a defensive player as he crushes Jalen Hurts leg.
Cardinals Win: Larry Fitzgerald takes over a cardinal receiver as they score a td.
Rams Win: Eric Dickerson giving his glasses to Kyren Williams
Chargers Win: Phillip Rivers tells his wife he will have another child named Stick
Dolphins Win: Dan Marino grants Tua the powers of a consistent qb.
Tie: The best players are left in purgatory to wonder in shame.
If Texans win, draw DeMeco Ryans in the “Rebuild Ride” Fastpass line while some other bad teams are waiting in the normal line looking very sad
Even better if you can draw Stroud as an EZPass
this
that’s sick, maybe Lovie Smith is behind the desk?
If Miami wins, draw Mike and Tua slamming Allen & Diggs through tables being flown over Niagara Falls.
Tie: Recreate the ending to “Duck Amuck” but as the two teams as Daffy Duck and Dave as Bugs Bunny.
If Bengals win, Zac Taylor does the Bronze Medalist Award over celebrating meme but with a participation ribbon instead of a medal.
this sentence is an grammatical abomination:
“To get a ring despite Watson instead of because of him would honestly give Browns fans the dreams they’ve always wanted without giving the pieces of shit who put this into motion the satisfaction that they made the right move as immediately next year the albatross of a contract begins to truly weigh them down.”
“To get a ring despite Watson instead of because of him would honestly give Browns fans the dreams they’ve always wanted without giving the pieces of shit who put this into motion the satisfaction that they made the right move as immediately next year the albatross of a contract begins to truly weigh them down you asshole.”
that’s even worse
If the Bears win, draw Justin Fields catapulting a wedge of cheese out of Lambeau Field.
If Giants win, draw Brian Daboll doing a kegstand on a Liberty Bell keg.
If the Chargers win, draw Justin Herbert as Zeus throwing a lightning bolt at Kermit Mahomes.
If tie, draw the QBs eliminating each other in spy vs spy fashion.
Just for Jets-Pats; if the Jets win, draw Trevor Siemian (or whoever the hell the Jets are starting at QB this week) handing Bill Belichick a pink napkin that says “You’re fired.”
If the commanders win – riverboat Ron updating his resume to include “3-0 in week 18!”
If the Steelers win, draw Mike Tomlin, Mason Rudolph and Kenny Pickett as that meme where the boyfriend is looking at the other girl walking by, also known as the “Distracted Boyfriend Meme”.
You obviously know who would represent whom.
If the panthers win, you will draw David Tepper throwing a beer at Todd Bowls.
If the Cardinals win, draw Johnathan Gannon as Gannondorf.
This right here
If the Steelers win, draw TJ Watt as Plakton saying he didn’t think he’d get this far.
Love this
If the Texans win, draw Lovie Smith in very high detail smoking a very fat cigar while smiling, knowing he knew everything all along, in a beach in the Bahamas while the Colts mascot falls of the banana boat
If the Panthers win, you should draw David Tepper poisoning the Carolina well while insisting that he’s saving the team
If the Falcons win draw the fast and Furious scene where the two guys go different directions on a split road, have Derek CAR as one and the Falcons are the other. Instead of a touching scene the falcons should be flipping off the Saint’s but both roads ultimately lead to a dumpster fire that is the NFCS.
If the Steelers win, draw Mike Tomlin as Thanos saying “I am inevitable”
I have some ideas based on the “Clickbait Sports” YouTube crew, although I’m not sure how willing you are to draw fellow conteng creators
If the Steelers win, draw UrinatingTree kicking Edgar Allan Poe in the nuts
If the Bears win, draw Tom Grossi (who’s from New York) being forced to admit that Chicago style pizza is better than New York pizza
If the Commanders win, draw ScooterMagruder being asked by Major Tuddy if he wants to talk about it
If the Giants win, draw FivePointsVids sticking a plunger on the Liberty Bell
If the Broncos win, draw Brandon Perna (ThatsGoodSports) winning big in Vegas
I used to love watching Perna back before he became involved in the whole “creators” ecosystem. Glad he’s getting the big moneys, but sad that the content has had to suffer for him to do so.
I am 100% in agreement with you in your feelings on the Browns. As a long time Ravens fan I’m happy to see Flacco working and happy, but yeah, they sold their soul.
– If the Steelers win, draw Mike Tomlin as Gollum, biting the Precious off the finger of Frodo Harbaugh
– If the Broncos win, draw whoever is QB on a horse outracing Aidan O’Connell, who is outfitted in Max mad gear and driving a tricked out tricycle
– If the Chargers win, draw crybaby Mahomes as a crying poopy baby, being changed by Justin Herbert with a clothespin over his nose.
If the Jets win, draw a few of their offensive line in a sweet winning fight dance move, West Side Story style
If the Steelers win can we get Steely McBeam eating a McChicken made of Ravens?
Honestly, I think both the Niners and Rams will rest most of their starters this week. Neither team has anything to play for, and a ton of reasons to avoid seeing anyone else get hurt. It’ll be the battle of the backups, and honestly I have no idea who would be favored in that matchup. I guess if the Rams win it, you can have whoever their backup is planting the flag over Hey Darnold! while Brock Purdy and Matthew Stafford are asleep in the background.
Oh god, their backup is Carson Wentz. This might actually be an amusing game.
BUCS @ PANTHERS
Bucs, you are being handed the division on a silver platter. If you fuck this up, you deserve every insult thrown your way.
If the Panthers win, I will draw…the winner of the Saints/Falcons game snatching the division off of the silver platter from the Bucs.
Ok that’s brilliant.
If the Panthers win, draw the Buc’s pirate ship, but replace the cannon with Bryce Young firing a football out of his ass.
I’ve been rewatching a lot of superhero (mostly but not exclusively MCU Phase 1-3) movies lately, so:
If the Titans beat the Jags: Mike The Incredible Hulk Vrabl jumping on Thor Lawrence (yes I know he’s only day-to-day, I’ll take my chances on that)
If the Jets beat the Pats: Robert Saleh wearing an Infinity Gauntlet, snapping grumpy Thanos Belichek into dust
If the Panthers beat the Bucs: The Black and Blue Panther standing menacingly over a defeated Bucky “Captain Fear” Barnes
If the Giants beat the Eagles: Brian Captian America Daboll using his shield to hold back an attempted Tush Push
If the Cardinals beat the Seahawks: Tiny Kyle Ant-Man Murray ripping out Bobby Iron-Man Wagner’s armour
If the Chargers beat the Chiefs: Justin Storm Herbert inducing lightning to zap Kermit Mahomes
If the Dolphins beat the Bills: Aquaman Tagoviloa left-handedly throwing a trident through Josh Allen
If the Bengals beat the Browns: Nick Fury standing atop a defeated Browns QB Hydra
If the Falcons beat the Saints: Arnold Ebiketie as Sam Wilson aka Falcon blowing up Derek Car
Here’s an idea for future cartoon pics that I hope is an annual staple: OWNERS WEEK
If PIT wins: Draw Art Rooney II launching a purple and black Sandbag with a Home-Run Steel Beam.
If HOU wins: Draw Cal McNair unveiling a “2023 Colts Lost a last-week win-or-go-home game at home to miss the Playoffs” banner.
If TEN wins: Draw Amy Adams Strunk holding the AFC South crown on a fishing line just out of Shad Khan’s reach.
If MIN wins: Draw Zygi Wilf leading the ghosts of birds killed by the US Bank Stadium glass in an all-out assault against Ford Field.
If ATL wins: Draw Arthur Blank opening the SuperDome Depot (the Superdome converted into a Home Depot).
If NYJ wins: Draw Woody Johnson burning Bill Belichick’s hoodies as a “parting gift”.
If CAR wins: Draw David Tepper heckling and throwing drinks at Baker Mayfield as he walks the plank.
If CIN wins: Draw Mike Brown giving Brownie the Elf a Skyline Chili shower (like a Gatorade shower, but with Cincinnati-based chili chain’s chili instead).
If CHI wins: Draw Virginia Halas McCaskey as the Arson Girl meme in front of Lambeau Field.
If WAS wins: Draw a Jerry Jones-owned fax machine “Processing” an L sent by Josh Harris.
If DEN wins: Draw Mark Davis weeping as Allegiant Stadium reopens as a Walmart.
If NYG wins: Draw John Mara giving Jeffrey Lurie a free medium soda, leaving the latter insulted.
If ARZ wins: Draw Michael Bidwell ensuring that Geno Smith begrudgingly writes back.
If LAR wins: Draw Stan Kroenke performing donuts in a Dodge Ram on Levi’s Stadium’s field.
If LAC wins: Draw Dean Spanos hurling lightning bolts at the castle of Chiefs Kingdom.
If MIA wins: Draw Stephan Ross body slamming Terry Pegula through a folding table.
If there is a tie: Draw both owners as the two guys on a bus meme, but both are the sad guy.
If the Chargers win, draw Easton Stick pointing out an offsides on Andy Reid
If the Jets win, draw Bill Belicheck being chucked into the eternal pit of fire, being casted away from all of us for good
If the Dolphins win, draw Tua kicking Josh Allen on a table filled with spikes
If the Bears win, draw Soldier Field cracking, swallowing the Packers whole, falling eternally
If the Bengals win, draw Jake Browning being the true elite QB
If the Giants win, draw Jalen Hurts as dickbutt
If the Steelers win, draw Kenny Pickett packing his bags to Las Vegas
If the Vikings win, draw Minnesota calling as elligible, reminding the Lions of past memories
If the Rams win, draw whoever starts at QB batman slapping whoever starts as QB for San Fran
If the Cardinals win, draw Murray being taller than Geno Smith
If the Boncos win, draw Russ Wilson on a Bronco, riding off into the sunset as Allegiant Stadium burns down
If the Commanders win, draw Sam Howell saying “HERE WE GO” as Dak is dumped in sewage water
If the Panthers win, draw Tepper pouring away the Bucs playoff hopes, onto whoever wins Falcons-Saints
If the Falcons win, draw Atlanta somehow doing nothing and winning
If the Texans win, draw Cj Stroud being hoisted by all of Houston, as they finally made the postseason
If the Titans win, draw Mike Vrabel with a rather… interesting body pillow of Derrick Henry
If there is a tie, draw both fanbases not knowing what to do
If the Rams win, draw the 49ers being exiled to the “Fraud Zone” alongside Philly and Dallas.
idk if it really works with Russell Wilson being benched now but,
If the Broncos win, draw Russell Wilson as Shawn Michaels, but as the picture of him in a chef suit behind a kitchen that is on fire (hopefully the picture is easy to find)
If the Lions win, draw Taylor Decker firing a flaming arrow into a floating viking longboat loaded with Vikings, all screaming, “WHY?!?!”
Look forward to your commentary every week, David. Thanks for all your hard work this season, and Happy New Year!
If the Texans win, they officially change their name to The Strouds
I know this won’t mean anything to anyone but me, but I want to say it I’m the same anon who started talking about how much the Smash Bros week meant a lot to me, and was disappointed my favorite character, Lucina, wasn’t part of the proceeds. Steelers is also my team. If you could do Steelers Lucina if they win, even if it’s, idk, Rudolph as Lucina, it’d mean a lot to me. Or if I could request any player… my favorite is actually Boswell, our kicker lol.
if the panthers beat the buccanneers and tampa misses the playoffs, draw baker mayfield going to therapy with carson wentz, wentz in therapy from his week 18 game from 2021 and baker from this years
Here are my ideas for the drawings. Feel free to use and/or modify them as you like:
If the Steelers win: Draw Coach Tomlin returning a caged Raven to the pet shop in exchange for a playoff spot.
If the Texans win: Draw a Colt (perhaps Gardner Minshew) being chased/launched out of the Playoff Corral by a charging bull (CJ Stroud).
If the Titans win: Draw Trevor Lawrence running for his life from a knife-wielding Mike Vrabel gone berserk.
If the Vikes win: Draw a viking celebrating his victory in battle by drinking mead out of a Lion skull.
If the Falcons win: Either draw Derek Car hitting a Falcon in the windshield and spinning out of the NFC South Race OR a Falcon slashing Derek Car’s tires at the NFC South Race Pit Stop.
If the Jets win: Draw Zach Wilson purporting himself to be Bill Belichick on his dating profile. Alas, I don’t think Wilson is playing in the game. I guess my alternative idea would be to draw Belichick allowing the Jets to fly past his Patriots Air Defense system unharmed (perhaps by sleeping at the switch).
If the Panthers win: Draw David Tepper pettily throwing the NFC South Title Goblet overboard in front of a aghast Captn Fear.
If the Bengals win, draw a Bengal pouncing on the QB Hydra for the Kill.
If the Bears win: Draw Lambeau under new ownership as Farmer Fields crushes cheese under his tractor.
If the Commies win: Draw Coach McCarthy betting the NFC East Title and/or 2nd seed on the Eagles and/or Lions losing at Riverboat Ron’s Casino.
If the Broncos win: Draw a Broncos fan (ideally Brandon Perna) energetically ripping the banner celebrating the Raiders win streak against the Broncos apart.
If the Giants win: Either draw Lady Liberty swatting an Eagle flying towards the NFC East title out of the sky OR an Eagle exploding after consuming a locker room poison (there are several candidates for this) tablet Ala Alka-Seltzer.
If the Cardinals win: Pete Carroll tries to look cool to the younger players, but fails miserably. Draw him getting No-Scoped by Kyler Murray in Call of Duty. Bonus points for Carroll trying to dance in CoD.
If the Rams win: Draw Matt Stafford racing toward Detroit (or Dallas/Philly) with dynamite stolen from the 49ers.
If the Chargers win: Draw Easton Stick shocking/electrocuting ChiefsAholic.
If the Dolphins win, there are 3 Ideas I have, as follows:
1. Draw one of the Dolphins using blood magic to freeze the Bills out of AFC East Title/playoff contention Ala Aquaman 2.
2. Draw Tyreek Hill defending the AFC East Title (ideally on a table) from a horde of Bills Mafia with his Trident.
3. Draw a poster commemorating the contributions of Dolphins towards keeping America’s ports free of terrorists under the Navy’s Marine Mammal Program.
If there is a tie, draw Al Michaels channeling his inner Bob Barker by lifting a curtain to reveal both teams/QB in their shame Ala The Price is Right. Otherwise, maybe draw both QBs/coaches replicating the “Ooh, You Almost had it meme” with the tieless season.
This was lots of fun to think up ideas!
Steelers at Ravens: If Steelers win, have Mason Rudolph admiring an Andy Warhol painting of a squished Raven
Texans at Colts: If the Texans win: Draw a CJ Stroud minotaur punching the Gardner Minshew Centaur
Jaguars @ Titans: If the Titans win, have Derrick Henry win the Mr. America pageant over Trevor Lawrence
Vikings at Lions: If the Vikings win, have whichever QB starts use the hammer Mjolnir to smash a blue lion
Falcons at Saints: If the Falcons win, Draw a Falcon-like Thunderbird knocking Derek Car off the road
Jets at Patriots: If the Jets win, draw a Robert Saleh jet blowing up a Bill Belichick Death Star or have Robert Saleh with a little smile looking up at the sky and have all the Jets coaches since Belichick started smile down on him (Al Groh, Herm Edwards, Eric Mangini, Rex Ryan, Todd Bowles, and Adam Gase)
Bucs at Panthers: If the Panthers win: draw David Tepper throwing a “drink tsunami” on the Bucs pirate ship
Browns at Bengals: If the Bengals win, have the Bengal tiger lower the Brownie elf into a vat of Skyline Chili (don’t forget the onions and cheese)
Bears at Packers: If the Bears win Draw Justin Fields pushing a plunger to dynamite the Tunnel of Love
Cowboys at Commanders: If the Commies win, draw Sam Howell as Frosty the SnowCommie
Broncos at Raiders: If the Broncos win, have little Russell Wilson riding Bluecifer winning a jousting match with Aiden O’Connell
Eagles at Giants: If the Giants win, have Jaden Hurts on Let’s Make a Deal picking the wild card prize behind the curtain with the audience laughing at him
Seahawks at Cardinals: If the Cardinals win, draw Kyler Murray on a Cardinal landing on top of Geno Smith riding a Seahawk like the video game Joust, or have retro Cardinal head and retro Seahawk head collide with the Cardinal winning
Rams at 49ers, If the Rams win, have a Ram on the Price is Right laughing at the prospector as he falls off the edge of Cliffhanger Mountain
Chiefs at Chargers: If the Chargers win, have Khalil Mack use Easton Hockey stick to knock Patrick Mahomes’ brother into a hockey net
Bills at Dolphins: If the Dolphins win, draw the Dolphin jumping over the playoff wall Free-Willy style and have the Buffalo do it to but not quite make it
If there’s a Tie: A good classic, both QBs in a poop filled dumpster fire
P.S. Hurray for now having to add Jeff Driskel to the Browns Hydra! That’s my favorite drawing of yours.
If the Steelers win draw Tj watt snapping Poe’s leg in two
If the Vikings win draw Justin Jefferson as Loki holding the team together *reference to the end of Loki season 2
If the titans win draw king Henry stiff arming Josh Normon but it’s Jackson de vile instead
If the panthers win draw baker mayfield wondering how he always loses to teams he previously played for
Anime / Sanrio theme (thanks to my daughter):
If the Cardinals win, Cinnamoroll Kyler Murray steals a playoff berth from Kuromi Geno Smith.