This comic tends to go through the occasional phase of bullying specific teams, usually coinciding with whichever teams are currently having a high amount of problematic drama, since that’s what makes good comic material. The Jets with Rex Ryan were an early example. The Patriots during deflategate. When people ask me to make more comics about X team, I usually respond by telling them that if I am making comics about X team, it means X team is being stupid. No comics means your team is boring or generally competent. I got a feeling I’m going to be making a lot of Texans comics in the coming months.

I didn’t think that by the end of January there would actually be some debate on whether or not the Texans would have been better off with Bill O’Brien. That’s how bad this has gotten. BoB alienated several stars, traded away Nuk, and pissed off Deshaun, but he was at least semi-competent at coaching and Deshaun was willing to stay and sign the big contract. Bob deserved to be fired but things have only gone downhill since.

The Texans after BoB were supposed to be the hot destination. They fired him week 4. They needed a general manager and a new coach. The team had an okay roster. They already had the most important position filled. The Texans job genuinely looked like a great spot to go. They had the time to find the right hire. They could easily wash off the filth of BoB and move on up. Instead now we find ourselves in this stew of discontent driven by a clueless failson owner, a disgruntled QB, a joke fall-guy hire for a coach, and a goddamn preacher. It’s practically farce. It feels like the plot to a comedy drama that is expertly written and everyone keeps telling you to watch it but you just never get around to it. Yes, I know I should watch Succession/Schitts Creek/whatever, I’ll get around to it okay, stop hounding me.

I feel sorry for David Culley. For a while it looked like the Texans might avert disaster with their QB and hire Bieniemy, and yet by now I think Bieniemy is better off. This is a hell-position that is going to be a puppet show for Easterby and has no chance of ending well. It makes some sense why Culley took it. On top of being a good jesus boy (probably the only thing Easterby cares about), Culley is 65 years old and before this had zero accomplishments of note and was resigned to never being a head coach. Culley is not some diamond in the rough that nobody noticed. He was the passing coordinator and WR coach on the Ravens, a team built around the run who was terrible in passing. He was the QB coach for the Bills for the Peterman/Tyrod era. He was the WR coach for the Chiefs in 2014, the year no Chiefs WR caught a touchdown all season. For you older folks, he was the WR coach on the early 2000’s Eagles. I can’t judge the guy as a person, but looking at his football resume…it….uh…doesn’t look good.

But there is a decent chance Culley already knows it. He openly admitted he never thought it would happen. He’s 65. Take that big fat coach contract and be Easterby’s puppet for a year or two, why not. At this point the fanbase knows who the problem is. Culley won’t be loved unless he’s somehow incredible as HC but he won’t be the one blamed when this mess finally comes home to roost for Easterby. Then he can go back to being a position coach on some team or retire. Not a bad way to grab some late career security.

Deshaun of course hated it and now we play the waiting game to find out where he goes. You can’t build a franchise around someone who doesn’t want to be there. This might get even worse before it’s over. We haven’t heard JJ say a damn thing yet and JJ has always been a good boy scout.