Sammy Watkins is not human. Did you know? He confirmed it himself actually. 

Sammy must appease his lizard brethren. The uprising draws near. Soon all the reptile solar beings will reveal themselves and rise. They will consume. Our way of life shall end and we will return to the dust, those of us who are not lost in the great war of scales. We have ruled this planet for many decades, and we have proven unworthy. We have stripped Gaia of her natural resources and created horrid conditions. We have covered the earth in falsehoods. Highways. Buildings. Landfills. Dams. We have soiled our home and we shall be punished.

The lizards shall cleanse us from ourselves. They will bring order to the land. The climate is changing, friends, and we are doomed. Have you played Gears of War? The Locust were but a fiction of what is to come. We will stand no chance among the Zards. The war will be swift and bloody. The era of humanity is coming to a close and we should enjoy what precious time we have left. Don’t be a dick like Travis Kelce is, and your new Lizard overlords may show mercy. They will not destroy our entire species, but most will be lost. Our position as the head animal will cease. We will be no better than the dogs. But we will live. If we aren’t dicks. Don’t be a dick.

Sammy Watkins is a young lizard, just learning his true potential. It isn’t on the football field, where he consistently under-performs his draft position. It is in the history of man. What will we do when young Sammy finds himself? Who will he eat first? Will that person taste delicious?

I for one welcome our new lizard overlords.

I’m gonna be going on a backpacking trip next week so next week will be GUEST COMIC WEEK! If you have an idea for anything, even dumb stick figures drawn on a napkin are good enough for me, I don’t have standards. Just send them to me preferably by this Saturday so I can schedule them before I leave for the woods.
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