Tom Brady Nuts For Us
Good news, Bostonians. You’ve always metaphorically slurped Tom Brady’s Man Milk, but now you can do so literally!
The funny part of this is that, contrary to my joke up there, he seems to know the problem. Look at his face in the promo shot.
The eyes are off-camera. The “smile” is close-lipped, pulled back to one side. That’s the kind of expression you make when you are contractually obligated to do something you aren’t pleased about. You see that expression from actors when they are doing press tours for movies they know are going to bomb, but they have to go on interview shows and pretend they are passionate about it. Thinly veiled annoyance. Tom Brady knows how unfortunate that name is. He knew the instant this was announced that the jokes would shoot out.
So you have to wonder what happened here. How involved was Tom in making this product? Is he functionally just an investor and the face? Did he have a major hand in the development of the brand? How much of this good nut is from Tom? How much of this nut did he bust?
You also have to wonder if the marketers did it on purpose. Did they come up with GOOD NUT and giggle to themselves, and then a lightbulb went off. How do we get our name remembered by the general public? How do we stand out? How about we “foolishly” name our brand after a slang term for cum and then people will laugh and remember it and maybe buy some to try it for the bit.
I won’t lie, if I saw this in a store, I would try it for the bit and report my findings to all of you. You heard me Tom. Sponsor me. Send me your spunk water. I’ll shill it.
I want to imagine they were just stupid but I remember laughing at Liquid Death’s stupid branding for carbonated water and that brand took off. Hell, I drank that shit all the time until they ruined it by putting stevia leaf in all the flavors. Maybe naming a drink after an orgasm is 5D chess.
Or maybe, if you want to drink coconut water, just buy some store-brand shit at the grocery. It’s coconut water, it’s all the same. One of the flavors in that photo is Chocolate. I cannot imagine enjoying chocolate coconut water. Let’s melt a Mounds bar and drink it, that sounds great.
Jizz
That looks more like the face of someone that is struggling to keep it together and not burst out in laughter.
And Brady’s new chin looks incredibly uncanny valley.
I mean, yea, but on the other hand, dude literally looks like that in almost every photo. His face can no longer make expressions, Dave. That smug mug is glued into place. His eyes are also no longer able to focus, so even the off-camera gaze is just what happens. I think the only thing he can do is move his eyebrows up or down half an inch.
https://static.www.nfl.com/image/private/t_headshot_desktop/league/q7dpdlxyu5rs05rgh1le
Heard it tastes like pineapple
I wasn’t sure what todays comic would be about but I’m glad I came.
Hey…..maybe it’s not so bad. Sometimes, you just need a Good Nut
So now when I say “Cris Collinsworth would love to bust Tom Brady’s Nuts all over his face” is it no longer a dirty joke but instead a product endorsement.
Dude was Gronk’s teammate for years. He knows.
Big fat load of cum then
Real life imitating South Park now.
https://www.reddit.com/r/southpark/comments/7vcx2t/clearly_brady_didnt_drink_enough_of_butters/
With how consistently these days companies are leaning into weird, cringe, controversial, or viral-type marketing and products, this genuinely seems completely intentional.
There’s zero possibility that in 2026 no one told him that this would be seen as a product that should be in GTA or Saint’s Row.
Good on him for … sharing his nut with us, I guess.
Stevia is the only sugar substitute I can stand. Love me some LMNT.
>Let’s melt a Mounds bar and drink it, that sounds great.
Dude, yes! I would be all over that, so long at the texture wasn’t vile.
Coconut water tastes like milk that has gone bad.
Also, sdpn is mocking this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGlSJCSAETc
Reminds me of a South Park episode.