NFL CARTOONS WEEK 4 – The Giants AND Jets won? That’s Illegal
THE GIANTS WON A GAME! AND IT WAS OVER A DECENT TEAM! WHAT
That was the best game the Giants have played all season and for once they actually finished the job. Don’t get me wrong, I still want everyone fired and all this does is likely hurt our draft position, but it was nice to see the team actually do it for once. Jones is quietly playing fairly well this year and this was his best game (The INT was a half-ending hail mary and shouldn’t count against him). Barkley actually did stuff this game, John Ross did something, Golladay had arguably the most clutch catches of the week, and Kadarious Toney was apparently 100% correct that he should get the ball more. Even Jason Garrett didn’t call the worst game. Still bad, but less bad than usual. Almost average. Judge is still a coward but at least Sean Payton made the bigger coaching blunders this week (that challenge was pretty dumb and calling a Taysom Hill deep pass lmao).
What else did we learn?
-The Titans got trapped. They were legitimately facing some injuries and playing away from home, but there is no excuse to lose to the NY Jets. They should be ashamed.
-I actually kinda like what Urban Meyer is doing in Jacksonville? The team is bad, will probably stay bad for a while, but they feel cohesive in a way they didn’t last year and they’ve improved each week. Now I just have to wonder if the candid vid of him getting a lapdance will matter at all.
-The Cardinals are for real. Seems like they’ve taken last year’s positives and escalated them and started to cover up the holes. Legit contender brewing down there.
-The Falcons ability to choke away a lead is basically performance art at this point. I’m not sure they are a football team anymore.
-The Browns are also legit. They had a terrible day and still earned a win, that’s what legit teams do. Oh Vikings.
-I don’t know if the Bengals are good, but they might not be bad. They might just be okay.
-The Panthers and Broncos got exposed as the paper tigers they are. I gave the Panthers the benefit of the doubt because unlike the Broncos they beat the Saints, but now I’m not so sure how good the Saints are. Sam Darnold is balling out though and seems like he might be the next case of “Escape Gase = Profit”. The Broncos played about as badly as I expected. About 90% of the NFL would have been 3-0 with their schedule prior to this week.
-Matt Nagy gave up playcalling and what do you know, they actually scored points. Will stay tuned to see how this develops.
-I think we can probably start counting the Dolphins out
-The Texans, oh god
-The Cowboys are, regrettably, good.
-Bill Belichick knows how to gameplan against the guy who practiced against his defense for 20 years
-The Chargers are also legit. They are playing smart football and are coached well. I’m scared.
So far in bets, I have only called 4 teams right every week: The Colts, Dolphins, Browns, and Broncos. I have yet to call the Saints correctly.
HERE’S THE CARTOONS
BETS FOR WEEK 5 GET EM FRESH
RAMS @ SEAHAWKS
Changing my pick to the Rams. The Hawks don’t inspire me, even at home, and the Rams have been their nemesis.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Russell Wilson as Chucky
JETS @ FALCONS
How do the Falcons do this? They keep facing teams they should beat, and then they look like ass. They even barely beat the Giants last week. The Jets should be, regardless of this week, one of the worst teams in the league. Yet now it feels like the Falcons will still lose. But alas, I cannot put faith in the Jets. I just cant.
If the Jets win, I will draw a falcon getting sucked into a jet intake
PATRIOTS @ TEXANS
Anyone playing the Texans this year is getting a free boost to the win column. Especially with Tyrod out. They are just…so woeful. If I was a Texans fan I would just take this season off.
If the Texans win, I will draw Davis Mills using his long neck to strangle Bill Belichick
LIONS @ VIKINGS
Two very stoppable forces meet, will anyone not get stopped? Ugh, I want to give the Lions credit but they let me down this week, so whatever. Go Vikings.
If the Lions win, Dan Campbell eats them Kirk Cousins kneecaps
EAGLES @ PANTHERS
The Eagles aren’t good, but they aren’t the worst. The Panthers have had a cupcake schedule so far and I think they get another boost off this one.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Jalen Hurts, dressed as Mono Ghost, chasing Sam Darnold
SAINTS @ TEAM
I’ve gotten the Saints wrong every week. This is now another tough call, because the Saints should be better than they are and are certainly capable of winning this. But the Team is resilient. My gut instinct is to call Saints, so I’m going with the Team, see if I can break my curse.
If the Saints win, I will draw a giant crawfish destroying the Jefferson Memorial
TITANS @ JAGUARS
As I said above, I actually kinda like the direction the Jags are trending and the Titans got trapped against the Jets. But Derek Henry hates the Jaguars. Hates them.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Urban Meyer getting a victory lapdance
DOLPHINS @ BUCS
The Dolphins are…floundering. Can barely tread water. Just blowhole it all up. Other puns.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Brady cursing Miami
PACKERS @ BENGALS
Good for the Bengals this year. Genuinely. 3-1. Did not expect this team to have any sort of turnaround at all, especially not with Zach Taylor at the helm. But this team has some fight and has earned some good wins so far. They still aren’t great and the Packers are their usual selves.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Joey the Tiger hitting Aaron with the Rodgers Rake
BRONCOS @ STEELERS
Now here we got an interesting one. The Broncos had a cupcake schedule until they faced a genuine team, and they lost Teddy in the process. The Steelers still have the pieces to be a good team, but Ben is old and the offense is yikes. So do the Broncos keep up the illusion or do the Steelers save their season’s chances? I am actually going Steelers here, if Teddy comes back I might change it.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Ben taking a hoof to the face
BEARS @ RAIDERS
The Bears looked competent with Matt Nagy giving up playcalling duties. But they didn’t look perfect and that is usually the first step towards a dead coach walking. The Raiders might have this one. EDIT: The Raiders lost, but they still look good. The Bears are kind of a mess.
If the Bears win I will draw a bear playing slots
BROWNS @ CHARGERS
I’m waiting on the Chargers/Raiders outcome as I type this, but my current gut instinct is that the Chargers win this. If they look terrible against the Raiders tonight I will probably come back to this one. EDIT: The Chargers are for real, and I might trust them now.
If the Browns win, I will draw Baker Mayfield at home, but his new home is Sofi Stadium
49ERS @ CARDINALS
The 49ers feel like they should be better than they are, but they aren’t. The Cardinals might be one of the best teams in the league. This one might come down to whether or not Lance starts, and if the Cardinals know how to defend him or if he proves to be the wild card the Niners need.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Trey Lancing a cactus through Kliff Kingsbury
GIANTS @ COWBOYS
As pumped as I am for the Saints win and how it showed positive development, I don’t think the Giants have enough to beat Dallas at their current strength.
If the Giants win, I will draw Cowboy Daniel Jones
BILLS @ CHIEFS
Weird to think the Chiefs saved their season against the Eagles. The Chiefs are not themselves this year, and the Bills are firing on all cylinders. I’d be very confident in a Bills win, but the fact that it’s primetime and in Kansas City makes this pick feel a bit shakey. If the Chiefs win this one, they re-establish themselves as the class of the AFC.
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen flying with his buffalo wings
COLTS @ RAVENS
BATTLE OF BALTIMORE. THE TRAITORS VS THE CLEVELAND TRAITORS. OLD BLOOD VS THE NEW. Ravens win.
If the Colts win, I will draw a Mayflower truck carting a W away in the middle of the night
Guess I’m pulling for the Colts next week, just to see the cartoon
As a michigan fan, still kinda jealous jim harbaugh didn’t get a lap dance
As bad as the Dolphins are, would they actually try to get Deshaun Watson?
No. All those reports come from Watson’s camp, who is trying to get himself traded, or the Texans, who want to get rid of this hot potato. The Dolphins like having rumours around them, so they won’t try to deny them as long as they don’t mess with Ross’s image. The Dolphins are not going to try to get someone who might get indicted by a grand jury at any point during the season, certainly not at any price the Texans would accept. Would they pull the trigger if they only have to give up a third? Probably, but so would about 20 other teams tbh. So no, the Dolphins are not going to actually try to get Watson
If it could save the season and lead to a deep playoff run? Probably.
Flores is convinced this is a good squad, that he is a Superbowl caliber coach, and the he is one or two players away. Chris Greer’s seat is quickly heating up. Both have a desire that could convince them to make a big trade.
The problem, of course, is they may be too far in the hole to even consider it. Tampa is going to slaughter them. 1-4 and trading for a guy who may be indefinitely suspended after the season may just be too big a hurdle to overcome.
I feel like the Browns will go 1-1 against the Chargers and Cardinals, but I don’t know yet which one they’ll win. The Cardinals are the better team between the two, but that one also feels more winnable for some reason.
The Colts cartoon idea is evil. I hope to see it come true.
As a Giants fan, I don’t know if I should be proud of the Giants for stealing a win against a much better team, or be extremely disappointed in the Saints for losing because now I have the tiniest shred of hope that the Giants could be decent.
Be disappointed in the Saints. That was just a bad game for them in a season that will likely have a few more like that. If the Giants do that too many times, they’ll keep the staff and stay steady with Jones. That feels like a recipe for mediocrity.
Side note, I hope Dave picks against the Giants every game now so we can see Daniel Jones as a new themed character every time they win.
You should be proud, but don’t expect a lot. I’m hopeful we can beat the Giants if Jones has another great game, we don’t get a lot of penalties, and Engram misses the game.
Man, betting on the Seahawks over the Rams feels like it’s never a good choice.
That Kyler Murray headcrab picture is divine Dave, more so than beautiful Jones. It’s too early to be talking seriously about draft position, I want to see some wins!
It’s too bad a comic like this doesn’t exist for baseball, Black Monday has already claimed the managerial lives of Luis Rojas (Mets) and Jayce Tingler (Padres), both of those were serious shitshows that would make for entertaining comics š
NOW HERE’S A GUY
“Now I just have to wonder if the candid vid of him getting a lapdance will matter at all.”
Spoiler: It did.
> The Chargers are also legit. They are playing smart football and are coached well. Iām scared.
Ahh, respeck. It’s been a long time since this franchise got any respeck.
Anyway, Dave, here’s your pool update post week 4:
This week, you got a 10, good for upper-middle of the pack. There were two people with a 12 to win the week, including the wife, who picked the Jets to pull out the upset.
Overall, you’re at 40, which puts you alone in 8th place (out of 27). The leader currently has 47.
I’m very amused by the Colts idea, but I can’t ever root for that team, and the worst fan base in professional sports (source: I lived there the last 15 years, last 8 just north of Indy)
Love seeing these cartoon picks… it’s crazy… I look forward to seeing them every Monday.