Fans Get Excited For The Super Bowl
There are children almost one entire year old who have never seen the Patriots win a Super Bowl. Imagine that. Almost a full year. Almost enough time to talk! A mere 17 more of those years and those babies could vote! I legitimately have no idea how these babies lasted this long. I would have given up months ago. I give Pats fans a lot of crap, but to stick with this team during such a long time really takes dedication. These guys have seen the pit of despair.
I ran into a Patriots baby the other day. It couldn’t even walk. According to the mother who was very annoyed I kept asking her baby questions, the baby was born on Feb 14th. A mere week or so after the greatest Super Bowl comeback in history occurred. This baby didn’t witness it. How could that feel? Knowing you were born too late to see such an amazing comeback? To see the 28-3 memes but not truly experience them? That has to hurt so much. That is the kind of pain you can’t train for. You can’t prepare yourself for the knowledge that your team stunned the world and you were too late to see it. That baby’s entire experience was stuck in a gross goopy cave tied to a placenta, slurping down the leftover nutrients from the clam chowdah the mom was eating during the game. That’s just sad. The baby didn’t even get to have a buzz, because the mom couldn’t drink any Sam Adams due to the pregnancy. That baby has been living with the guilt of knowing that because it exists, its mom couldn’t have a drink during the best game of her life. That kind of shit wears on you, like a diaper that just keeps filling up without getting changed.
I wonder where that baby is now. I wonder how happy that baby is. I’m sure if that baby could talk, it would tell me that Tom Brady is the goat and that I should jump off a bridge. I wouldn’t even be mad, because after this long year? That baby deserves all the trash talk it can give. It’s earned the right to poop itself in my direction. You do you, baby. God willing you will get to see a championship before you learn how to speak.
I dunno about the mom not drinking during the Super Bowl, man. I think fetal alcohol syndrome explains the Boston accent pretty well.
jfc
I wasn’t even a year old when Miami went undefeated – but you could tell they were something special after sixteen games.
So we managed to get one of the few possible teams as our opponent that might make people root for the Patriots. The only teams more likely to do that are the Cowboys and, well I guess the Cowboys? Maaaaaybe Washington, but only because you hate the owner.
But honestly, I saw the Tom vs Time ad and I wanted to gag. Christ Brady, stop shilling psuedoscience. Oddly, Boston Sports radio is giving him shit for it, but not any of the national media. For just one example, here’s the Sports Hub (the Pat’s official station, even) mashing up Brady talking about the TB12 system with an ad for Scientology: https://985thesportshub.com/episodes/tr-not-tb12-contest-isiah-thomas-jag-rags-hour-2/
No, but seriously, why isn’t Brady getting more shit for this, and the only shit he’s getting is from inside Boston?
Well, since it really isn’t hurting anyone, it’s like when your kid believes in Santa too long. You pat him on the head and let him have it…until he comes home crying because everyone laughed at him.
But psuedoscience does hurt people. People have wasted fortunes on Seances, and refuse their children disease treatment in favor of prayer. Yes, TB12 isn’t that bad, but remember Guerro sold that Cancer curing salve? TB12 gives him legitimacy, and moreover gives ‘alternative medicine’ legitimacy. As much as I want to see Tom Brady win a 6th, I have nothing but ill will towards TB12 the brand.
Who cares? I know its pseudoscience bs, but if it helps Tom play until he’s 50, then I’m all for it.
I’d be fine with his stupid pseudoscience if Brady wasn’t such a role model so that dumb people will listen and spread this crap like Anti-vaxxers or Flouride nuts
That’s on the idiots who listen to him. If he can make money on their stupidity, good for him.
Blaming the victim by calling them an idiot and concluding that therefore they deserve to be taken advantage of is wrong. Because Brady isn’t an idiot, and say what you will about Guerro, but Brady honestly believes in this method, from all the stuff I see. So he too is an idiot being taken advantage of by a psuedoscientist to be used as a figurehead.
Do a comic with Tide Pods being in the TB12 book or Tom v Time documentary
I am disappointed in Brady for this. I am all for player’s setting themselves up for life after football, but he could have done the whole health/fitness thing with a more legitimate approach. I do believe some of it makes sense, but the shirts for sleeping? Come on man.
For people who aren’t fans of the Patriots or Eagles:
https://twitter.com/espnmichele/status/955457233797730309
I didn’t know there was an asteroid to legitimately root for.
Meh. Sinkhole I was rooting for didn’t do anything during the Pats/Seahawks Superbowl. Not ready to get let down by an asteroid.
So will you join the Dark Side and keep /r/EaglesTrophyCase empty
/r/evilleagueofevil
If you are a fan of the Steelers, 49ers, Cowboys, Giants, Packers, or Bears, you are honor-bound to support your evil allies in their quest for world domination. There was a DISTINCT LACK OF EVIL from multiple members this season, leaving the Patriots to carry the load. Purge the Birds. Go Pats.
Why the Bears?
Just google “George Halas” for some Original Gangster football evil. In 1921 he had the Packers KICKED OUT OF THE LEAGUE for a season so he could snatch up a few of their players. He later saved the Packers from death in 1956 after campaigning for football to continue in Green Bay to the same fans who were used to booing his Bears, they passed a referendum to continue football. He then recommended a man named Vince Lombardi to their management for their open head coaching position, having recognized the evil in his heart. As a young mane he also played a few games for the New York Yankees, served in the navy during WW2, was a co-founder of the NFL itself, and would be an active owner and executive with the Bears for 63 years. He died at 88, the last remaining member of the original NFL charter, when spite and anger could no longer keep cancer at bay.
The Bears record under OG Halas: 318-148, with 6-3 in the playoffs, six NFL championships before the merger.
I mean a lot of teams were really good before the merger and the SB era. The Browns, Lions, and Eagles could all be evil by those metrics
Back when I went to reddit on a regular basis I seem to remember the Bears entire existence in that subreddit was basically “We have nowhere else to put them”
Nah, not the Eagles. They had 3 NFL championships, and in two of those years (’48 and ’49), they were so laughably inferior to the Browns it would have been a slaughterfest if they’d played an interleague decider (when the Eagles played the Browns in the 1950 season, Cleveland steamrolled them something like 37-7). The 1960 championship had almost none of the same players (Only Chuck Bednarik, the Center), and a different coach.
But the 20s-30s Bears, the 20s-30s Packers, the 40s/50s Browns, 50s Lions (3 championships over 6 years), 60s Packers, 70s Steelers (arguably also the Cowboys), 80s/90s 49ers (and arguably Redskins), 90s Cowboys and 2000s-10s Patriots are the Dynasties (If the Steelers win another under Tomlin and Roethelsomething, I’d include them, too). The others folks want to float around were just very-good-to-great teams, but definitely not dynasties.
Oh please. The NFL was basically Arena Football League-tier when the Bears were a dynasty. Not to mention there’s no one left who still remembers watching them play back then.
And? The Bears dynasty (and 20s/30s Packers original dynasty), were profoundly important to the development of the NFL. Halas’s contribution to defensive theory, offensive formation, and expectation of toned athleticism did far more to shape the face of the game than anything Noll did, and was done in an era of even greater brutal toughness. Just because fewer people watched, and just because the game was less evolved, doesn’t take away its significance historically or worthiness of respect.
Nobody cares about the Bears anymore. They’re mainly seen these days as a pitiful franchise desperately clinging onto the eighties and hoping Ditka will come to save them.
Super Bowl Shuffle was produced by the guy that Ke-dollarsign-ha keeps trying to sue
Well Dave, now you know how Eagles fans felt on those Pats-Giants SBs. But mostly in 2011, I’d say. In 2007 circumstances made picking a side (that’s not the meteor) easier.
Dave who are you going for. You have to pick.
Dave who do you want to win, you must choose!!!!!
Oops
The taglines pretty much sum up how I feel about this game….
Super Bowl *BABIES*
I feel like these are the most appropriate tags ever.
I was born and raised in South Florida, hearing stories from my dad and granddad about the Orange Bowl and Shula. I haven’t seen my Dolphins in a Super Bowl in my lifetime. Meanwhile my three year-old, Boston-born daughter has seen the fucking Patriots in THREE. If the Pats win this one, which fuck me they probably will, she will have seen them have more success in THREE YEARS than the Dolphins have ever had.
Go Eagles. I don’t want yet another Pats win. Especially after Bama won, too.
I will accept any outcome unless it’s a Pats victory helped out by dubious calls.
I’m going to change my name to Why Refs WHY. I just wish they had let that scoop and score play out instead of calling it dead for no reason. I think we might have held on to a 17 point lead in the 4th. Oh well. Jags would have been a ratings disaster anyway apparently. *sobs*
Don’t blame the refs: https://twitter.com/SharpFootball/status/955454941073731584
I blame them both.
Used to live on southeast PA, I know rooting for Philly is incomprehensible for a lot of people, but I know so many great people from living up there who are eagles fans, I’m pulling for them. It’s just another notch in the belt and the expected standard of excellence if the Pats win, but it’s a moment anyone in Philly will remember forever if the Eagles win.
This reminds me of Tony Danza’s inspirational halftime speech in “The Garbage-Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon”, except, you know, many many times better.
Alright Dave as a cowboys fan I ask again…
Who are you pulling for?
I mean you have a fan base that is the caricature of arrogance
And on the other is the Patriots
I’d rather see Pats get #6 than Eagles get #1
I’d rather have the Pats win simply because there’s less chance of an ensuing riot messing up my city. Plus, after last week’s treatment of Vikings fans, I don’t want the Eagles fanbase to have nice things.
I guess I’ll have to hope for yet another Brady victory party, because if the Eagles win their first ever it will cause a never-ending nightmare where I work, on the same level as when the Cubs won it all in ’16…
yet another game I pretty much have to watch, knowing no matter the outcome I’ll be unhappy about it…
I’m not an Eagles fan but I’m from the area. I won’t lie, I’d love to see Philadelphia pulled this out; they have been doubted all year long, and yet they’ve won the NFC for the first time in 13 years. I feel like they’re due.
Do you think Brady will end the passing yards title curse? Of all the time for this to happen, I want it to happen this year to prove that the whole thing was a coincidence. Plus the Giants benefited from that just once anyway and that was Super Bowl 42 which was also the only time they faced an opposing QB who led the league in passing yards in the SB.
To sweeten the pot, if this ends then that means the Pats would have no excuse for Super Bowl 42.
The only positive about the Eagles winning is that Jason Peters will get a ring but that’s one good getting outweighed by the Eagles fan base…
Another reason to root for the Pats? Madden Curse. If he breaks it, it will be finally safe to want your team/star player featured on the cover.
That one had been broken for some time, just that the fans of the curse has a tendency to move the goalpost like they did with Eddie George.
Is 3 Super Bowls the standard for Patriots fans? Mines is 0.25 a year, since I’m a giants fan
You poor thing