Welcome to the newest batch of cartoons! I did slightly worse in picks this week, which is good news for you!

What has week 3 taught us? I think it has taught us many things. The Jets and Giants are the worst teams in the entire league. The TEAM’s defense will not save them, but the NFCE as a whole is incredibly disappointing. The Bills are for real, so are the Rams, but things can fall apart fast for both of them. The Browns are fun when they are clicking, the Vikings are choke artists, but the Falcons are choke masters. The Panthers won’t be an easy win for anyone, and the Bears would be incredibly stupid if they don’t start Foles after all this. Tampa looks a little out of sync, but the team is so talented that it might not matter. The Seahawks might be the best team in the NFL. Just an overall really fun week of football with very few blowouts.

So without further adieu, who did I get wrong?

(Check back tomorrow if I get MNF wrong)

So what does week 4 look like? Any better? Any worse? Let’s find out! As always, feel free to add your own suggestions. I also reserve the right to possibly change some things as the week goes on or after the game, if something alters the joke, similar to how my original Bears bet didn’t really work out after they benched Mitch.

What a gross matchup for Thursday night. The Broncos are hobbled and bad, and now starting Bort for like, 3 dollars. The Jets barely qualify as a football team. The Broncos get that much needed win on the road to 7-9.
If the jets win, I will draw Sam Darnold riding John Elway (John Elway is a horse)

The Lions finally managed a pretty good win over a good team, but the Saints are also good, and might be even better. Brees looks like he’s lost a lot of his arm strength and the Saints have to travel, but the Lions just haven’t proven to me they are worth trusting in this situation. You beat the Saints, Lions, then we’ll talk.
If the Lions win, I will draw Matt Patricia planting a flag on Taysom Hill

I hate that the Bucs look off but are still just so talented that they will probably pull this one out. The Chargers are kinda fun with Herbert under center, but they seem like they have a little work to do before they can be seen as a legitimate threat.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Tom Brady as an old man having his bread stolen by Duck Justin Herbert

I feel like the Bengals are sooooo close to just putting it together and stringing a few wins out. They haven’t been an easy win for the Chargers, Browns, or Eagles. The Jaguars early success seems like a large fluke now, but they still feel slightly more competent overall. I think the Jaguars need this one to get back on track to disappointing their fans down the road. Bengals fans have already appropriately given up and are now just enjoying the ride.
If the Bengals win, I will draw A tiger smoking a cigar kicking a mustachio’d jaguar in the nuts

It’s tough when you have a matchup of gutpunchers. A gutpuncher is a team that has tons of potential and could be a contender with just a bit of tweaking but they’d rather give you hope and then punch you in the gut. The Vikings might be the most historical gutpuncher in the league. The Texans are possibly one of the best current gutpunchers. This year the Vikings aren’t very inspiring though, and the Texans have started the season in a trial by fire and did…modestly. The Texans are probably the better team here.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Viking Kirk Cousins adding Butthole Chin to his trophies

The Dolphins are on the right track. Fitz is having fun. The team is looking good. Shame they are about to get curbstomped by Russ’s MVP consideration campaign.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Ryan Fitzpatrick holding tiny Russ as bait for a dolphin doing a trick


The Cowboys are one Falcons collapse from being 0-3 and I think they are much better than that. Is it just me, or do the Cowboys feel like a team absolutely full of talent that is held back by awful coaching every season? If the Cowboys had a competent coach, this team would wreck the league, and instead they are fighting to reach .500. The Browns are above .500 for the first time in ages! It won’t last long. Cowboys are better, but the Browns will give them a fight.
If the Browns win, I will draw Nick Chubb mocking Zeke with his own eating celebration

Well I was extremely high on the Cardinals and now I don’t know. I expected them to obliterate the reeling Lions. The Panthers look like an extremely well-coached team to me. They are fighting and trying even down their best weapon. The Cards just proved they may not be quite ready to dominate quite yet. Is this a win for the Panthers momentum or do the Cards get back on track? I’m going cats.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Kyler Murray riding a cardinal like a Valkyrie

If the Bears start Big Dick Nick, I think the Bears might actually keep this going. If Mitch goes back in, I’m changing this pick.
If the Colts win, I will draw Philip Rivers as a centaur kicking a bear

The Ravens are very good. The team has…issues.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Riverboat Ron beating Edgar Allen Poe at poker

Oh my god it won’t even be close
If the Giants win I’ll draw Sean McVay committing Seppuku in shame

Cam just went down with Covid. If this game is played, the Pats don’t stand a chance.
If the game occurs and the Patriots win, I will draw Cam Newton dressing in Covid Chic fashion

This aught to be a pretty good game! The Raiders aren’t that bad, and the Bills proved they are vulnerable. The Bills need to lose at some point, and the Raiders already upset the Saints, so I’m taking a chance. Don’t let me down, Vegas.
If the Bills win, I will draw Josh Allen table crashing a craps table as Derek Carr is sad

The 49ers practice squad is on a two game streak, and the Eagles aren’t exactly much better than the Jets and Giants. I have no idea what has happened to the Eagles, they should not be this bad.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Carson Wentz frolicking in a graveyard of injured 49er starters

At least this time the Falcons likely won’t ever be good enough to actually build an insurmountable lead only to have it surmounted. The Packers should likely just stomp them.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Dan Quinn saying “I don’t get it either!”

I will draw both QBs stuck in a large pile of poop

Updated to reflect the Covid postponed games