CARTOON BETS WEEK 13 – CRYPTOFOOTBALLOGIST
PRETTY GOOD WEEK FOR CHAOS
I’d say this was a solid week for chaos. Now we are getting into the truly vital games when playoff spots are on the line and every game deeply affects your standing and usually multiple teams standings at once. Sure, the top teams are more or less locked in, and the bottom feeders are locked in, but even now we could get some spoilers ruining seeding for aspiring franchises. We almost had that yesterday with the Texans coming ever so close to defeating the mighty Dallas Cowboys. The Cowboys pulled through in the end, but they shouldn’t be proud of that. It never should have come to that.
The Ravens started with Tyler Huntley and ended the game with Anthony Brown. The Steelers started the same game with Kenny Pickett and ended with Mitchell Trubisky. Somehow, the Ravens didn’t blow it, although they tried. Seattle took a big hit to their playoff seeding with a loss to the Panthers at home, and now the Panthers have a legitimate chance to win the worst division in football. The Bucs got annihilated by a kid who was 6 months old when Brady first started a game. Cincy finally defeated the Browns after 5 straight losses. The DeShaun Watson effect? Jacksonville took out their nemesis Derrick Henry and suddenly look legitimate again with Trevor finally balling out. Tennessee has an outside chance to lose the division. The Lions are absolutely surging. Denver…scored 28 points! On offense!
But I gotta give CHAOS OF THE WEEK to my man Baker Mayfield. The Raiders were running high on a 3 game win streak after having their worst loss of the season. Redeeming themselves on the circuit. They got to play against a 6-straight loss-destroyed Rams team having the worst super bowl hangover of all time. The Rams had no Cooper Kupp. No Stafford. No Donald. They had to run with a guy who had been a ram for less than 48 hours. The Raiders led for most of the game. The Rams got stuck down on their own 2-yard line with less than 2 minutes left. AND THE RAMS WON. BAKER MAYFIELD RAN THE FIELD (with some penalty help, stupid Raiders) AND THREW THE GAMEWINNER WITH 10 SECONDS LEFT. I’ve never seen anything like that. Absolutely bonkers. The game sucked until that drive, and now it’s a legend. The Mayfield game.
This week in GIANTS CORNER: That went about as expected. Thanks to the Seahawks losing the Giants playoff chances more or less stayed even but with the Commies, Vikings, Colts, and Eagles coming up the chances they get knocked out are still rising fast. The thing is, this team overperformed in the first half of the year against the weaker competition and now we are seeing the limitations of our bad roster compiled with unfortunate injury buildup. I said it before, and I’ll say it every week until they stop playing, but this year was already a success. If they do manage to reach the playoffs, they’ll get blown up in the first round.
CHAOS WATCH: The Lions. The Lions have won 5 of their last 6, with the loss being a close fight against the Bills. They now face the Jets, Panthers, Bears, and Packers in the next few weeks. No obvious wins, but all are very winnable. The Lions may in fact be the team that knocks the Giants or Commies out, as they hold the tiebreaker over both. They also hold the tiebreaker over Seattle, the other main wildcard contender. I think the Lions might make the playoffs, folks, and I am thrilled at the possibility because this team is fun as hell. In fact, the Lions could, in theory, win the division, however that’s deeply unlikely. Also keep your eye on the AFC north race with more Ravens getting injured and the Jaguars now that they’ve found some life.
MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM OF THE WEEK: The Bucs. I picked them to win, but entirely due to the drawing bet. I did not expect them to beat SF but I also didn’t expect them to look so awful. Brady still keeps fighting off the end (like he did in the comeback last week against New Orleans) but the Bucs unquestionably look rough.
DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK: So close to being Dallas but the answer is probably the Titans. They fired their GM mid-week in a surprising move and after starting strong with Henry doing Henry things, the Titans fell apart. The Jags are now 2 games back from the Titans and play them in week 18, in what might end up being for the division.
I did pretty bad this week, which tends to go with chaos. Of course, I deliberately sabotaged my record with the Bucs pick. But I think this week’s pictures turned out really well!
This week, I’m going with the theme of BATMAN VILLIANS
49ERS @ SEAHAWKS
Seahawks are have the same season as the Giants. They are better than we anticipated, but they aren’t actually great. 49ers are great.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Geno Smith as Deadshot
COLTS @ VIKINGS
Vikings will win, but will somehow spend most of the game looking as if they will lose, even though they will lead most of the time.
If the Colts win, I will draw Jeff Saturday as Calendar Man
RAVENS @ BROWNS
Ravens aren’t good and the Browns are at home, but I think Watson is actually pretty rusty from his two years off. Also yes he is a rapist, cant forget that.
If the Browns win, I will draw the Brownie as Two-Face
DOLPHINS @ BILLS
Dolphins have a rough matchup here, gotta play the odds.
If the Dolphins win, I will draw Jalen Waddle as The Penguin
EAGLES @ BEARS
Bears will not win
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields as Mr Freeze
LIONS @ JETS
The Jets defense is actually going to be a tough test for the Lions. If the Lions can surpass this, they deserve to play into January. I might change this if Flacco/Wilson starts, so I might wait on this one.
If the Jets win, I will draw the QB as Poison Ivy
STEELERS @ PANTHERS
I’m going to sabotage all my picks this weekend for drawings that make too much sense. Steelers, because…
If the Panthers win, I will draw Sam Darnold as Catwoman
CHIEFS @ TEXANS
Chiefs like to play with their food but this food doesn’t put up a lot of fight.
If the Texans win, I will draw Mahomes as Killer Croc
FALCONS @ SAINTS
Desmond Ridder is getting the start. That’s usually a reason to worry for a team and the Falcons are inconsistent at best. I think they have a good chance to beat the woeful Saints, however, I cannot pass up the opportunity to draw…
If the Falcons win, I will draw Desmond Riddler
COWBOYS @ JAGUARS
The Cowboys will probably beat the Jaguars, but boy do I have hope they can pull off the upset.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw Trevor Lawrence as Harley Quinn
CARDINALS @ BRONCOS
Broncos looked acceptable this past week. Can they keep it up? Will Russ even play? I’ll go Cardinals.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Russ as Solomon Grundy
PATRIOTS @ RAIDERS
Patriots vs Josh McDaniels. Must see mediocre football.
If the Raiders win, I will draw Mark Davis as the Joker
TITANS @ CHARGERS
Titans are stumbling and Chargers are heating up, but the Chargers are the Chargers. I’ll go home team I guess.
If the Titans win, I will draw Derrick Henry as Bane
BENGALS @ BUCS
Bengals doing good, chase is back, Brady old. Bengals!
If the Bucs win, I will draw Tom Brady as Ra’s al Ghul
GIANTS @ COMMIES
I am back to my pessimistic self
If the Giants win, I will draw Brian Daboll as Scarecrow
RAMS @ PACKERS
Ugh. I guess the Packers should win. Save us, Baker.
If the Rams win, I will draw Baker Mayfield as Deathstroke
A TIE
Both QBs locked up in Arkham
That Baker drawing: drawing of the year
He misspelled Megalodon and the people who decided it was a cryptid were drunk. *shakes cane menacingly* It doesn’t belong here, just like Baker doesn’t belong on a football team! Now get offa my lawn, you clouds!
The misspelling is on me but Im not bothered by it being considered a cryptid as well as something that once existed. People still believe and search for the mega shark. Lots of cryptids are basically just big underwater dinosaurs and the Meg kinda fits that
Megalodon? More like… *checks notes* Bakerlodon.
Yea, it’s not world-ending, I just think their categorization is baffling. “Non-existent monsters that some people claim to have seen” is short and clean, and they should have stuck with that.
It’s messier to say, “Non-existent, or sometimes formerly existing, but not currently existing, animals or creatures that some people claim to have seen during the period of their non-existence.” It just doesn’t roll off the tongue as nicely.
You also missed your chance to say you did the typo on purpose. Since it’s Christmas, you can still have it if you like – MegaLAdon… cuz the Rams are from LA. BA DUM TISH.
We’re back to our usual December meltdown by the look of it. That game didn’t sound anywhere near as close as 23-17 might suggest, certainly not the first half.
And that was NEVER a Roughing The Passer penalty. They’ve even picked up on it on Morning Joe – even Mika, who rolls eyes so hard when Joe and Willie go off about sportsball you can hear it, said it wasn’t a flag – but RTP can’t be challenged.
Thought I’d had enough dodgy calls last week with that no-call foul on Kane in the England-France match…
It’s like the new Dolphins went into the bye and the old Dolphins stumbled out, it’s wild.
Was Ridder getting the start the inspiration for the theme? I hope Ridder turns out ok, both as a Falcons fan and for my enjoyment of your comics.
If you did not like that Texans-Cowboys game, than you don’t like Texans football
ESPN gave us an 87 percent chance to win with under 3 minutes to go and we blew it thanks to the worst 3 play calls you will ever see on the goal line.
Still I would rather be competitive than barely looking like an NFL-caliber team.
God I hate that the Washington giants game is on Sunday night. Why can’t the nfl just leave us to flop around against each other in peace with something actually important on the line.
Man for the first time in years a December matchup between Wash/Giants actually DOES mean something besides who gets a higher draft pick. Massive playoff implications for once
It does feel nice in that regard for sure. Even if it means more self-induced heart attacks for myself lol.
The Lions actually do not have a tiebreaker over the Seahawks. The Seahawks beat the Lions 48-45.
The Giants – Commanders Tie also really hurts us, unless they tie each other again that Tiebreaker is useless. I think the Lions have to win out to make the playoffs.
They do but hey, I believe in the lions chaos. And even if they don’t make it there’s a good chance they’ll be ready next year.
While I agree Darnold as Catwoman makes too much sense to pass up b/c Panthers*, the actual Steelers did appear as a barely disguised version of themselves (the Gotham Rouges) in The Dark Knight Rises.
* Although for the same reason this would work with the Jags. You could draw Jaxson De Ville as Catwoman chilling with Trevor as Harley Quinn.
Damn, the art in this one is one of the best Dave has ever done!
Also I feel foolish that the old comic about the Titans Fan in the wild was a bigfoot reference.
Great drawings all around, but my favorite detail is that your dead Dolphin is wearing a helmet. Everyone knows the helmeted Dolphins logo is far superior to the current, helmet-free logo!
I appreciate that, despite otherwise working entirely within a digital art program, Dave went through the effort to scribble “BAKER FUCKING MAYFIELD” on a piece of paper, take a picture of it, and superimpose it onto his Tweet, WITHIN that digital art program. That’s dedication to the craft.
i doubt it. there are pencil tools in illustrator (or whatever he uses)
I appreciate you but you gave me way too much credit, I just selected a box, filled it with grey, and used the regular pen tool to write it, all in clip studio, actually doing that on paper just to scan and superimpose would be a stupid level of work for that
TINY Solomon Grundy***
For the sake of the drawings, I’m pulling for absolute chaos this week.
Rest in Peace, Mike Leach. We’re all swinging our swords for you this week.
Dave, I think you made a mistake on the Chiefs-Texans bet. You wrote if the Texans win, you’ll draw Mahomes as Killer Croc instead of a Texan.
Not like it matters though, the Texans aren’t winning that game.