The Draw Play

Well, so last year, Halloween was my worst week of the entire season. This year, It’s my best. Pending the Browns/Bengals, I only got 2 games wrong. Sorry for those who wanted more, sometimes you win and sometimes I actually have a fairly stress-free Sunday.

One of the things I can say after getting most of the picks right is this week didn’t surprise anybody. Maybe it surprised Raiders fans because things are even bleaker than they expected. But generally, I can’t say this week featured any shocks. However, as we get into midseason form, the struggles are starting to become more apparent with specific teams and you can hear the devious rumbles of DISCOURSE brewing beneath the waves. Let’s look at some of those.

DOES ZACH WILSON SUCK
I have not actually watched most Jets games this year, my usual routine is to watch the Giants game when it is on, watch another game that I find interesting when it is on, and have redzone streaming in the background somewhere to help me keep track of other events as they happen. As such, I haven’t watched much Jets football. I finally got around to it this weekend and my biggest question was “is this team winning because of Zach Wilson or in spite of him”. When I flipped on the game, I watched him attempt to throw away ball to the sideline only to have it picked off anyway. Got my answer. Despite the Jets winning season, Wilson is under fire and appears to indeed suck ass. If the Jets continue to struggle on offense, this could get ugly fast. Defense rips ass though.

DOES TREVOR LAWRENCE SUCK
This one has been brewing for a while and is now coming to the forefront. Everyone more or less gave Lawrence a mulligan last year because of Urban Meyer, but now things aren’t so fortunate, and his poor play has been a distinct factor in what is now a 5 game skid. The discussion has started to blossom wondering if maybe Trevor has been given too much benefit of the doubt since his early college years. Was he so good because he was surrounded by immense talent, and now he’s on even ground? Did that support network make it so he didn’t have to actually develop much as a passer? Can he put even the slightest touch on a pass if he tried? He’s in his second year. He hasn’t faced a killer slate of competition. Trevor is running out of time before the birds begin to truly boo.

IS BRANDON STALEY A BAD COACH
Honestly, he might be garbage. Staley made some waves in his first year by being bold with his trust of statistical analysis. This year it has gotten him into trouble, most namely when he went for it on 4th down in his own territory, up by two points, with little time left. Instead of punting and forcing the Browns to drive at least 50 yards or so with very little time left, they failed to convert and gave the Browns the ball in field goal range. If the Browns hadn’t saved them and Brownsed that kick, it would easily be the biggest mistake any coach has made this year.

IS JUSTIN FIELDS A BUST
Early reports seemed to indicate that at the very least he was being set up to fail. In recent weeks however, against two good defenses, he’s performed pretty well. Even disregarding his brainfart when he jumped over Micah Parsons instead of downing him after the fumble, Fields and the Bears have started to find something in the offense. Whether that is a trend or a fluke remains to be seen, but a lot of eyes are on him.

ARE THE VIKINGS AND GIANTS STILL FRAUDS
Yes, but they have to be given at least some credit. The Vikings escaped another exposure against the Cardinals but the Giants got caught. Unfortunately, the Giants modus operandi of winning every game on a razor-thin margin of doing just enough on offense to put up some points while the defense steals the game and letting the other team make all the mistakes finally caught up with them. The Hawks bottled up Barkley and Jones isn’t good enough to make the pile of trash we call wide receivers a passable threat. Without an incredible defensive strip by Adoree, the Giants don’t even reach the red zone. That said, without two horrific muffed punts by new public enemy #1 Richie James, the Giants were more than capable of winning that one and I genuinely dream of what this team might be with some actual talent on it.

ARE THE SEAHAWKS GOOD
Yup. The defense has stiffened up. The offense is legitimately good. Geno is good. The coaching is good. The entire conference is pretty weak overall so their road to the playoffs likely just requires them to hold off their own division.

IS KENNY PICKETT BAD
I think he is, but there is plenty of time to be wrong and he shouldn’t get pulled or anything. Everyone will always point to Peyton Manning throwing lots of picks during his rookie year but he also threw lots of incredible touchdowns and stuff. Pickett is hucking them up at alarming rates and a lot of it is because the offense can’t do anything and then gets stuck in positions where he has to huck them up. The Steelers did not solve their QB problem.

WAS PANTHERS/FALCONS GAME OF THE YEAR
As a man with a taste for chaotic, absurdist football, yes. Losing the game because you took your helmet off after catching a 60-yard hail mary is absolute peak hilarity. That rule is dumb, by the way. The play was over, he wasn’t on the field of play anymore, and for fucks sake anyone would be hyped after that, but on the other hand, it’s a rule, so don’t break it.

Happy Halloween!

 

THIS WEEK’S THEME – FAMOUS PAINTINGS

EAGLES @ TEXANS
I don’t know if Philly can pull off the world series against the Astros, but man, they are going to slaughter the Texans.
If the Texans win, I will draw Davis Mills as The Scream

COLTS @ PATRIOTS
I don’t think Sam Ehlinger brings enough to the table to win in Foxboro.
If the Colts win, I will draw Sam Ehlinger as Napoleon Crossing the Alps

PACKERS @ LIONS
The Packers absolutely have to win this if they want to save this season from absolute misery
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell as Campbells Soup Cans

CHARGERS @ FALCONS
The Falcons are in first place. The Chargers should, on paper, still be better. Yet the Chargers are injured and being the Chargers. Aww hell, go Falcons.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert as The Birth of Venus

BILLS @ JETS
The Jets defense might hold the Bills down, but then they have to rely on Zach Wilson to score points? Lol
If the Jets win, I will draw Zach Wilson hitting on Whistler’s Mother

VIKINGS @ COMMIES
The Vikings must defeat the red menace to sustain their fraudulent conquest of the east
If the Commies win, I will draw Taylor Heinicke as Washington Crossing The Delaware

PANTHERS @ BENGALS
The Panthers are doing their best but their best probably isn’t enough to beat the Bengals.
If the Panthers win, I will draw PJ Walker as The Son Of Man

RAIDERS @ JAGUARS
This game between two abject failures will be absolutely devastating for the loser. Whoever loses this one is the truest disappointment of all. I guess I’ll go…Raiders?
If the Jaguars win I will draw Trevor with a Pearl Earring

DOLPHINS @ BEARS
Bears, I see you doing better lately, but you gotta win more before I trust you.
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields as Wanderer above the sea of fog

CARDINALS @ SEAHAWKS
The Cardinals have looked better since getting Hopkins back. Is that enough to stop the Geno revenge tour? I don’t think so.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Kliff and Kyler in American Gothic

RAMS @ BUCS
Man I hope this Bucs slide continues, I am enjoying it immensely
If the Bucs win, I will draw Tom Brady as The Old Guitarist

TITANS @ CHIEFS
The Chiefs should probably win this, one would hope. The Titans are very uninspiring.
If the Titans win, I will draw Derrick Henry as Liberty Leading the People

RAVENS @ SAINTS
Ravens are trading for help and trying to make a push, they better blow up the Saints.
If the Saints win, I will draw Andy Dalton as Madame X