We’ve reached the part of the season when the early surging teams start to level out and lose games they shouldn’t and maybe reveal the beginnings of being frauds. Who are they? Hard to know. We are also in the part of the season when teams who were struggling to put it together early have started to find that rhythm. The mid-season sea changes are beginning to occur, and I hate it. The real contenders will reveal themselves in the second half, and many of the first contenders will falter.

In my defense, a few of these results are games I would wager most of the country got wrong. The Jets Mike White going ham on the Bengals probably singlehandedly ruined 60-70% of eliminator picks this week. We just decided the Bengals were for real, and they drop a game to…the Jets? The Patriots, despite not being too bad, probably weren’t expected to beat the Chargers, in LA. The Packers, despite being good, also seemed like a reasonable choice to lose once Davante Adams and Lazard were lost with Covid. I even called that one, but walked it back when I saw that news. I’m boo boo the fool. Lastly, the Saints obviously have the ability to beat the Bucs as we saw last season, but did anyone expect that to happen once Jameis went out?

The rest were just tough games between mediocre teams not going my way. I’m still good at picking the Colts and Dolphins (just one miss apiece) and the Panthers have emerged as my other nemesis. The NFC South is just a big ol’ pile of Fuck Dave.

It’s hard to say if we really learned anything concrete this week. The Packers are for real and might be the best team in the NFC and they put us all on notice. The Cowboys are also very legit and it sucks. I think at this point we can safely say that Taylor Heinike is not the answer for the TEAM long term, and that Urban Meyer is a terrible pro-level coach. To come off a bye and lose so badly to the weakest Seahawks squad we’ve seen in a decade…yikes. Carson Wentz is still Carson Wentz. A player still full of potential who will just straight up brainfart the ball to you a couple times per game. Justin Fields had his best game yet, as Nagy sat home. What a coincidence.

Biggest news of the week, as of writing, is that Derrick Henry broke his foot and needs surgery. I am very sad. Von Miller also just got traded. More on that Wednesday.

Here you go, spooky pics

Might be the last time I draw Von Miller as a Bronco. Weird.


I want to believe the Mike White story is real but one week against an opponent who probably overlooked you and didn’t have any film on you doesn’t automatically mean you are Tom Brady. The Bengals likely got trapped and surprised and maybe aren’t quite as good as we all hoped. The Colts seem to be the Colts, a mediocre team with the potential to be good, held back by Carson Wentz turnovers and some roster issues. They can beat the Jets.
If the Jets win, I will draw Mike White ripping a horse in half

The Giants are bad and Derek Carr is making an argument for taking him seriously as a top QB again.
If the Giants win, I will draw the Statue of Liberty wearing a Daniel Jones jersey beating up the inferior Vegas version

Calvin Ridley is taking a break from football for his mental health and the Saints just beat the Bucs with Trevor Semen busting a nut. I swear if the Saints lose this game they are actively reading this page and purposefully trying to ruin me.
If the Falcons win, I will draw the Falcons stadium as a giant gaping sandworm swallowing Sean Payton.

Urban Meyer is a bad coach and hiring him was a mistake!
If the Jags win, I will draw Urban Meyer and Shad Khan grinding on each other wearing buffalo skulls

It’s honestly a bummer seeing this Browns season get so upturned by injury. They had a chance to make some hey this year but they are just so banged up.
If the Browns win, I will draw Baker proudly holding the OHIO trophy

The Pats beating the Chargers was their best and arguably most important win of the season. If they come off that and drop a game against Sam fucking Darnold and the confused and wimpy panthers, they should be embarrassed.
If the Panthers win, I will draw Hey Darnold stomping on Bill in revenge

The Broncos are officially going for the rebuild and the Cowboys won a game with Cooper Rush starting. Don’t pick the Broncos.
If the Broncos win, I will draw the state of Colorado kool-aid man’ing the state of Texas

PURPLE FIGHT! I wasn’t going to pick the Vikings anyway, but to go out in primetime and lose in such embarrassing fashion to Dallas without Dak, I finally understand why some Vikings fans want Zimmer fired.
If the Vikings win, I will draw Kirk Cousins squashing a Raven with Mjölnir

If the Texans win, I will draw Miami underwater from climate change, with the fans happy about it

The Eagles came out of nowhere to slaughter the Lions. The Lions were supposed to be the best winless team out there, and they did that. The Eagles aren’t a good team, but they seem capable of random surprises. I’m giving the Chargers my support once more, but if they drop this one, it’s back to never trusting them.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Jalen Hurts burying a gravestone that says Chargers Hype

The Chiefs are not right. The Packers are very right. Rodgers going to kill his State Farm buddy out of spite for taking the spotlight off him.
If the Chiefs win, I will draw Mahomes winning the State Farm bowl, sponsored by State Farm

The 49ers almost lost to the Bears while the Cardinals probably would have beaten the Packers if AJ Green doesn’t have a brain fart. I think we can probably comfortably stuff the 49ers in the mediocre pile. Whatever they were in that super bowl season isn’t there now.
If the 49ers win, I will draw a prospector panning for gold, upset that Kyler is in the pan, because he’s fools gold

Derrick Henry is dead and now the Rams have Von Miller. What the fuck
If the Titans win, I will draw AJ Brown kicking a ram in the balls

Battle of two teams without offense. This game is going to suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck to watch. Steelers probably win at home.
If the Bears win, I will draw Justin Fields dunking on Big Ben. The future is now, old man.