The Draw Play

Welcome, friends, to the CHAOS AWARDS!

This may be one of our richest years ever. What a stupid year we’ve had. We had a dozen teams vying for first place and a dozen vying for worst place. 10 different coaches fired (well, 9, Tomlin stepped down). Super Bowl favorites like the Chiefs and Lions didn’t even make the playoffs, we had two amazing worst to first stories in the Bears and Patriots. I would wager very few people had the Patriots or Seahawks as Super Bowl favorites entering this year. There was also whatever the fuck the Colts were doing.

So we have no shortage of stupid to choose from. Even the clear winners in each category still have runners-up that would compete in any given season. Thank you all for your nominations, and without further ado, let’s do it.

MOST CHAOTIC PLAYER 
Nominations – Cam Skattebo, Daniel Jones, NINE, Baker Mayfield, Caleb Williams, Bryce Young, Philip Rivers, Jaxson Dart, Josh Allen

Surprisingly, this is actually a thin list for the year. We had a lot of chaotic teams, games, and moments, but not a lot of chaotic players, or guys who are by default chaotic like Josh Allen. Cam Skattebo was a delight but didn’t last long, same as Philip. Daniel Jones being good certainly came out of nowhere, and NINE was a trainwreck that got Kwesi fired.

But I think the easy choice here is Caleb. Every Caleb Williams dropback is an adventure. Last year he was just terrible. This year he would swing between atrocity and pinpoint lazerbeam. He was slippery on scrambles like he was covered in baby oil. He doesn’t even have a good run, he runs like a blind child, with no grace at all and no direction you can predict. But he also delivered some of the most clutch shit you’ll ever see all year. His 4th down backpedal hail mary to Kmet to tie the game against the Rams is one of the most hype things I’ve ever witnessed.

MOST CHAOTIC TEAM
Nominations – Colts, Bears, Panthers, Eagles, Texans, Bucs, Bengals, Vikings, Lions…basically half the league deserved a nod here

Seriously. Half the league has an argument this season. I could write a full post on each one. But despite everything, this was always going to be a two horse race: the Colts and the Bears.

And holy shit is this a tough pick. We have a worst to first gonzo team that was creating season saving miracles seemingly every single game. Ben Johnson refused to kick field goals, ripped his shirt off after wins, performed a cathartic comeback over Green Bay in the playoffs, and almost did it again against the Rams. Pick any Bears game this year and chances are high it was stupid as fuck. They got Brian Daboll fired after a comeback. The Bears were, unquestionably, the most entertaining team to watch week in and week out. I walked into this category polishing the trophy for the Bears.

But I cannot get the Colts out of my head. While the Bears may have been more chaotic week by week, the Colts had a season that genuinely baffled everyone. They start the year looking like a bottom-feeder ready to fall apart, with a cast-off bust QB starting over a project bust QB. Then they magically become the best offense in the league, Jonathan Taylor is having an MVP level year, the Colts are all in. They sell high for Sauce Gardner at midseason to fix one of their few flaws. Then the schedule gets a bit harder, the team stumbles, and Jones gets hurt. The first place team falls out of the playoffs entirely, but not before SIGNING PHILIP RIVERS OFF THE COUCH, 5 YEARS REMOVED FROM PLAY, so he can lose 3 games anyway. The Colts do not fire anyone. Oh and, before we forget, Jim Irsay died before the season started. This is one of the weirdest seasons I’ve witnessed a team have.

We could kind of make this a co-award, with the Bears being the most chaotic team but the Colts having the most chaotic season, but since I have to pick one, I think I’m giving the Colts the slight edge. The Bears were very fun, but the Colts were unfathomably weird. 

MOST CHAOTIC MOMENT OR SEQUENCE
Nominations – Caleb’s 4th down Hail Mary against Rams, The Titans INT/FumbleTD, Jalen Hurts 2 turnovers 1 play, Jalen Carter Spitgate, Trevor Lawrence Stumblerooski, The Zackwards Pass, Jameis Winston catches a TD

Most of these would be good enough to win any normal year. Several of these things are things I have never seen before. Trevor Lawrence stumbling, falling down twice, then scoring anyway is the epitome of “Mission failed successfully”. We started the year with a player getting ejected before the first play of the game because he hocked a loogie. Caleb threw like 5 different game-winning passes this year.

But for me this comes down to 3 choices. The Titans/Cardinals wild comeback featured Cam Ward throwing a terrible pick, the defender then fumbling that ball, with the Titans falling on it for the score. Incredibly stupid. Sadly, this was a nothing game between 2 bad teams, so it didn’t have much impact on the year.

The Jalen Hurts 2 Turnovers 1 Cup is something we have never seen before. Hurts throws a woeful pass and gets it picked off. Then, like in the Titans game, the Chargers defender fumbles the ball. Hurts picks up the fumble, then fumbles the ball himself. Chargers recover. It is almost mathematically impossible to witness this. The game also had playoff implications and was a hard choice. But it also happened in the 2nd quarter.

The winner here feels like it has to be The Zachwards Pass. It already has a name! The Seahawks and Rams combined for the best TNF game in history and the centerpiece of the experience was something that forced all of us to actually go and read the NFL rulebook just to understand what happened. Darnold attempts a quick throw on a 2pt conversion attempt to tie the game, and the ball is immediately deflected, harmlessly rolls to the ground, and is casually picked up in the endzone by a lazy Zach Charbonnet. Incomplete…right? NOPE

The pass was technically going backwards, making the ball live. Meaning the whistle is irrelevant, and the ball will be placed where it is recovered. It was recovered in the endzone. 2pt conversion successful. What the fuck. This one has to win because nobody would score again in regulation, meaning the most meaningful overtime of the year only occurred because of this shit. The Seahawks would walk it off after another successful TD-2 pt try, and they took the #1 seed and eventually won it all. It might be the most important play of the entire season.

MOST CHAOTIC GAME
Nominations – Seahawks/Rams TNF, 40-40 Tie, Ravens/Steelers week 18, Bills/Broncos Divisional, Bills/Ravens week 1, Bears/Bengals, Bears/Packers week 16, Bears Packers Wildcard, Giants/Broncos

Another loaded contest here. I’m glad people nominated the 40-40 tie because that was probably the funniest game of the year. The big Micah Parsons revenge game ends up the highest scoring tie ever, a scoragami, and with everyone pissed off. The Bears and Packers combined for 2 of the craziest games of the season, and the first wasn’t bad either. The Bills comeback in week 1 set the stage for a disappointing Ravens season, and Giants/Broncos was the wildest total comeback of the year with the kings of the Meltdowns (Giants) performing their masterpiece.

But this has to go to the most important game of the season, and an easy choice after the last award. The Seahawks and Rams met in Seattle for TNF to battle for the top seed and gave us the greatest TNF game ever played. The Rams set out to a big lead, the Seahawks fought back in a decisive 4th quarter that culminated in the play of the year, the game goes to overtime and the Rams score a TD, forcing Seattle to do the same. They do, go for the win on a 2-pter, and get it. Best game of the year. Decided the division, decided the conference, maybe decided the Super Bowl. Also, and this cannot be forgotten, but we also had the fun drama flavoring of Puka Nacua making a public ass of himself on Adin Ross’ stream just two days earlier, and he tweeted shit about the refs instantly after the game.

MOST CHAOTIC COACH
Nominations – Ben Johnson, Dan Campbell, Nick Sirianni, Brian Daboll, Zac Taylor, Raheem Morris

Dan Campbell is going to be a perpetual nominee here but this wasn’t his season. Raheem Morris suddenly getting his team to perform when they were eliminated sure was a choice, and it gave the Panthers the division. Brian Daboll acted like a child and ran into the sacred blue medical tent and got himself fired.

But this came down to 2 guys. Good chaos and bad chaos. Ben Johnson and Nick Sirianni. Ben Johnson is a madman who hates kicking field goals in the redzone. Many of the Bears comebacks this year were a result of them being down so significantly because he refused to take the points. But it would work! Ben didn’t give a shit, and the Bears entire brand is now the Ben Johnson Chaos Experience.

Nick Sirianni is our other big hitter. Sirianni spent last year seemingly proving that no, he is a good coach, not just Howie’s puppet. He kept these big personalities in line, played the heel and rode it to a SB. This year he undid all that goodwill and looks like a fucking idiot again. The Eagles felt like they were in revolt half the season, his hire of Patullo caused a rift in the locker room and the fanbase, and he would routinely make terrible decisions on gameday. He once again looks like a bum who is only as good as his coordinators and players.

Since I try to award good chaos over bad chaos most of the time because good football is better than bad football, I gotta give this one to my boy Ben. You’re my boy, Ben. This makes the Bears coach the winner two years in a row.

MOST CHAOTIC FRONT OFFICE MOVE
Nominations – Rivers off the couch!, Browns drafting 2 QBs, Vikings letting Darnold/Jones walk for NINE, Eagles Not Firing Kevin Patullo, Bills Fire McDermott, Micah Parsons Trade

I’m glad I invented this category after the first awards because this one is getting us rich. The Browns shocked the world once when they took Dillion Gabriel over Sanders in the 3rd round, and then they shocked us again when they drafted Sheduer anyway two rounds later. What was going on in that war room?

The Vikings letting Darnold and Jones walk felt questionable, but had some logic. They had a rookie who was the guy, Darnold would be too pricey and he choked when it mattered, and Jones was just a cast off dude who wanted a chance to start. This backfired immensely because NINE was a pile of shit.

The season started with a bang when Jerruh actually sent Micah Packing (pun intended), and the season ended with a bang when the Bills fired long-time coach McDermott, then promoted from within making the firing seem pointless, and threw their own player under the bus when asked about why they are that stupid.

But alas. I invented this category a couple years ago for the sole purpose of having an excuse to talk about the Colts hiring Jeff Saturday. Well, the Colts have bamboozled us again. This is now The Colts Award. You would not in a million years have convinced me that 5 years after retiring, the Colts would sign Philip Fucking Rivers off the couch as a last-ditch attempt to save a broken season. It kinda worked? Rivers was perfectly fine as the QB, but the team was in freefall against heavy competition and the experiment failed. It gave Rivers 5 more years of health insurance though!

MOST CHAOTIC OFF-FIELD DRAMA
Nominations – Shedeur Sanders Draft Slide, Belichick HoF snub, Mark Sanchez Stabbed, AJ Brown being a diva, 49ers Power Station stuff, Epstein Owners, Puka Nacua Livestreams his Idiocy

The Belichick hall of fame snub has been the most consequential snub in a long time. Everyone is talking about how broken the system is now, and voters are even exposing their votes (against Hall policy) to say “Don’t blame me, I voted for Kodos!”

Puka blowing up his reputation and exposing himself as a complete dumbass was funny too, and it helped make that TNF masterclass a fun ride. AJ Brown was being the league’s big diva all year, the 49ers injuries got so bad the nearby power station became an actual talking point, and multiple owners were outed with connections to Epstein. I can’t say that last one surprised me, sadly.

Also special mention to Mark “buttfumbled the bag” Sanchez, who ruined his career in one night by randomly picking a fight with a guy in an alley and getting stabbed. This story was mostly sad and infuriating though.

I have to give the award to the Shedeur Slide. Shedeur was already a massive hot button topic with a ton of drama around him before the draft. But during? His slide was so startling and so far that it had millions of fans watching day 3 of the draft with a bowl of popcorn. He ended up drafted to a team that already selected a rookie QB and didn’t look happy to draft him. He got prank-called by the son of a Falcons coach during the draft. Mel Kiper had a total meltdown on air, and so did several other former colleagues of Deion, like Rich Eisen. The fun times turned deeply toxic a day later when the discourse became about race. There was going to be chaos no matter what happened with Shedeur, but none of us expected this.

MOST CHAOTIC INJURY
Nominations – Bo Nix, Daniel Jones, Joe Burrow, The 49ers, Mahomes, Parsons ACL

This, to me, comes down to Jones or Bo, but before I get to that we should mention the Joe Burrow injury, which someone made a good case for. Burrow’s toe injury directly led to the Browns trading them Joe Flacco, which in turn made the Browns start Gabriel and eventually Sanders, and all 3 guys ended up in the Pro Bowl somehow. Weird shit.

So on one hand we have Bo, who broke his ankle late against the Bills in the divisional. Without Bo, the AFCCG became a mess and the Broncos (who likely win with Bo starting) are forced to play Jarrett Stidham, who sucks and contributes mightily to the loss. With Bo, we likely get a Broncos/Seahawks Super Bowl rematch instead of a Patriots/Seahawks rematch. I think, unfortunately, the Patriots still have a chance to win the AFCCG, and the Broncos probably would have lost to Seattle. Probably would have been a better Super Bowl, though.

The Jones injury is my choice because it was the moment the Colts season derailed. I actually think the Colts were headed for a slide anyway (look at their schedule this year, it got hard right as Jones died) but the storybook season was over. Reports came out that Jones was dealing with a fractured fibula, and the stress of compensating for it put too much pressure on his other leg, and pop went the Achilles. Combine that with Anthony Richardson’s freak weight room injury to his face and the Colts were forced to call up Old Man Rivers, giving us the wildest front office move of the year. I feel so bad for Daniel Jones, but this was tremendous content.

BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT DUCK TEAM OR PLAYER
Nominations – Chiefs, Packers, Chargers, Ravens, Lions, Ashton Jeanty, Geno Smith, NINE, Bills

Many are deserving of this shameful moniker. The Chargers got lucky with the Chiefs sucking, had the division open itself up, and instead they all got hurt and got obliterated in the wildcard. Same with the Bills: the Chiefs sucking opened the door for the perpetual second place Bills only for the Bills to fumble their own chances. The Lions, Ravens, and Chiefs all missed the playoffs despite being general contenders. The Raiders had decent expectations too, with Geno Smith, Pete Caroll, and Ashton Jeanty.

But this needs to be the Chiefs. This is the first time in the Mahomes era that they did not reach the AFCCG. They didn’t even make the playoffs. They were essentially eliminated before Mahomes even got hurt. Chris Jones faced scrutiny of not trying for much of the year. The offense was pathetic. The Chiefs dynasty may not be over yet but this year made it feel like the Eagles hurt them in a way they will never recover from. One of the worst Super Bowl hangovers we’ve seen in a long time, and it might end up permanent.

Also Taylor Swift’s new album wasn’t very well received.

MOST UNWATCHABLE TEAM
Nominations – Raiders, Jets, Cardinals

An extremely tough category. All 3 teams made me want to turn the game off and go play my PS5. There are no losers here, except all of us. The Raiders set up reasonable expectations and shat on them, ending up with the top pick. But the team had some drama. Geno Smith pissed off the entire fanbase and Maxx Crosby threw a fit when they shut him down for the year. The Cardinals are similar, but they weren’t entirely unwatchable. Seeing Jacoby Brissett do his best to actually steal the starting spot from Kyler was fun, the team was just pretty shit.

I think I have to give it to the Jets. Unlike the Raiders or Cardinals, the Jets entered the season with no reason to pay attention. New coach, massive rebuild year, no expectations at all. There was no reason to watch the Jets. It only got worse after the mid-season fire sale and the team gave up completely. Glenn wasn’t let go, but both the Raiders and Cardinals are switching things up. Misery was watching any of these 3 teams, but if we have to pick a “winner”, I guess it’s the Jets.

The Jets: proving to Giants fans that it could always be worse since 2010

HOF VOTES
I realized this year that votes may be spread too thin, so I am writing this so next year I remember to tell everyone to vote for 3 in each category, which will make the winners more clear. I thought about increasing class size, but at that pace we may simply run out of options after a few years. I’ll debate doing that for next season. Let me know your thoughts. Small hall or big hall?

OUR INDUCTEES:

PLAYER
Eli Manning managed to just edge out anyone else in votes. I can’t say Im surprised nor am I upset. Eli’s actual hall of fame credentials will be debated forever, but he’s a perfect fit for the Chaos hall. Eli was a dopey faced goofus and gallant from throw to throw. He ended his career with a perfect .500 record. He won no playoff games, except the two years he won them all. In this household, Eli is a hero, and now a hall of famer.

GAME
Absolutely crushing every other candidate was 28-3, the monumental chokejob from the Falcons. Does anything even need to be said here? This absolutely belongs in the hall, because we are going to remember this forever.

MOMENT
The Fail Mary and Helmet catch tied in votes, so I am the deciding vote. It may surprise you, but I’m taking the Fail Mary. The Helmet catch was a wild bit of chaos in the most important game, but it didn’t decide the game. The Fail Mary did. The Fail Mary was the climax of the replacement ref fiasco, straight up gave the Seahawks a bullshit win that would have playoffs ramifications down the road for both teams. It caused the NFL to immediately cave to the referee union, and the power the ref union managed from this fiasco has directly led to countless officiating issues in the decade since. The NFL’s bad rule changes and ineffective attempts to change anything may partially be a direct result of this play. The Fail Mary is not just a crazy play. It was an earthquake that shook the foundations of the sport.

Also I somehow forgot to list the Buttfumble as a nominee so I expect that to easily win next year

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP DURING THE CHAOS AWARDS. This will be the last post until the 27th, as I am going on vacation starting tomorrow for a much needed reset. EDIT: Nevermind I’m jetlagged as fuck next week then