We are in a duller part of the year and will have to wait a couple weeks for the final games before the chaos erupts again. The week got off to a good start though with the moon cursing the Lions to return from whence they came back into classic Thanksgiving Lions. Embarassing loss to a rival they should have finally been able to pummel into dirt. The Lions are showing cracks before the playoffs. The rest of the holiday went as expected with the Cowboys sending Ron Rivera into hell and the 49ers sending Seattle back to the kids table.

I did not love the Black Friday game as a concept. Felt entirely like it was invented to give Amazon a game on a week that they normally would miss due to Thanksgiving contracts taking the place of TNF. I always put up Christmas decorations on Black Friday so I at least had a reason to turn it on, but I didn’t pay close attention. I was fortunate to see the Hail Mary pick 6. Easily one of the funniest moments of the year.

Sunday started with the sorriest early slate you could imagine. The Patriots and Giants combined for 17 points. 2 Mac Jones INTs before getting benched at halftime for Mac Jones 2, who proceeded to score the only TD before throwing his own awful pick. Nobody told the Patriots that the Giants were missing Sexy Dexy and they could have run on us all day. The Patriots are really bad. Mac Jones is just terrible. The Falcons beat the Saints in another sloppy gross NFCS game. Someone has to win that division, and it makes me throw up a little bit. The Colts beat the Bucs, and the Colts are kind of sneaky. They are a 6-5 team with a backup QB under rookie HC Shane Steichen. That’s not getting nearly as much respect as it deserves. The Colts might be a danger next year, the AFCS ascendance might be incoming. The Steelers had 400 yards of offense for the first time since before Matt Canada, despite putting up a measly 16 points the improvement was palpable. The Titans got a cheap win against the Carolina Panthers who fired Frank Reich the next day. Carolina is in hell.

The late slate was a little better. Chiefs beat the Raiders and the Rams stomped down the Cardinals as expected. But the Broncos came out on top of the Browns matchup and continue to prove that you know what? Sean Payton is a good coach and we all jumped to conclusions too early. But the real wild one was the latest in the now long-running trend of Bills blowing it. The Bills had this game won! Multiple times! The Eagles had to make a miracle field goal just to send the game to overtime. The Bills offense looks better since Dorsey got fired, but the team is still snakebitten by the most dreaded of curses: the poor ending game management. That’s a HC problem. The Chargers would once again Chargers it up in primetime and it’s just a waiting game till Black Monday for Staley to get canned and Spanos to cheap out and hire Kellen Moore or Frank Reich or something equally uninspired.

Of course, you can count on the Vikings and Bears to deliver, and they did. MNF was basically a TNF game. Turnovers for everyone. The Bears won on 4 field goals. Outstanding work, gentlemen.

I had a whole screed about how I cannot root for a tank but I decided that might be better suited for its own post since that’s currently quite the heated topic amongst Giants fandom. Instead, I will say that even though we have worse draft position now, I enjoyed watching that crappy win, and I will not apologize for it. Watching the Patriots eat shit will always please me.

A hail mary pick 6? Jets, you spoil me. I think we found the funniest play of the year and an easy contender for the most chaotic play of the season. The rest of the game may not have been chaotic as other games, but you can’t beat a high point that high.

-We got a duo of hilarious field goals right after each other. First, the Patriots drove the field at the last minute to set up a chip shot for overtime, and the football gods said NO MORE and sent it wide left. Then just minutes later the Texans went for the long shot and we got the ultra-rare Crossbar Doink.
-Also gotta give the Cowboys a thumbs up for not only sending the Washington Commanders into hell but hiding a turkey in the Salvation Army bucket and having players just eat it on the sideline. That’s the kind of sheer disrespect I can respect.
-I am 100% convinced that the “alarm” that sounded during Redzone that Scott Hanson had to address during the broadcast was actually just him pulling the fire alarm because he finally had to pee and couldn’t come up with a better way to step out.

The Packers have won two in a row! They looked like a competent team doing so! A little late for this season but hey maybe Jordan Love has the juice after all.


Lions, I’ve got my eye on you. You can’t hide your Jared Goof from me forever.


The Cardinals. Look I tried to be fair and pick the upset knowing I’d probably lose, but you could have put up a better fight than that.


Reserved for the Carolina Panthers until further notice.



Cowboys are on the part of the seasonal roller coaster where they are good and beat everybody and get MVP chatter. Will this be the first week of the second collapse? That would be pretty funny.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw Blitz feeding Rowdy to her young Blitzes

The Colts: sneaky capable! The Titans: a pile of dumpster goo!
If the Titans win, I will draw T-Rac taking Blue behind the shed

I swear the Falcons schedule has been a cakewalk but nobody is noticing because the Falcons are also shit. If Arthur Smith fucks around and makes the playoffs, Atlanta is cursed. I can’t pick the Jets with how bad the QB situation is.
If the Jets win, I will draw Freddie Falcon getting hit by a sidewinder missile (The Jets do not have a mascot)

Okay Lions. You want to prove you are a big-boy team and go comfortably to the playoffs. Don’t play with your food, eat it.
If the Saints win, I will draw Sir Saint choking Roary with mardi gras beads

How the fuck did this game suddenly become one of the ones I most want to watch? How did this happen? What is going on? I’ll go Broncos, holy hell Im going Broncos
If the Texans win, I will draw Toro making glue out of Miles

Finally, the Chargers face a team they probably won’t choke against, the 2-8 Patriots.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Pat Patriot blasting Boltman with a cannon

The Steelers get to keep practicing out that fresh new mildly interesting offense on a hapless opponent
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Big Red crucifying Steely McBeam on a cactus

Ron Rivera fucked up. He fired Jack Del Rio the week before playing the Dolphins. Now who does he get to blame when Mike McDaniel sends his defense to the shadow realm?
If the Commies win, I will draw Major Tuddy swinging T.D. around like Mario swinging Bowser

Well, this game went from deeply unwatchable to slightly less unwatchable because I guess there is a chance that Carolina does something interesting with Reich gone
If the Panthers win, I will draw Sir Purr pouncing on Capt. Fear like the velociraptor in Jurassic Park

The Eagles keep going up against tough opponents and finding ways to win. I hate it. I also must respect it. I hope the 49ers can punch them in the mouth but I gotta roll Birds.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Sourdough Sam shooting Swoop out of the sky

Ugh. I had written the Rams off but then they go and look extremely good against the Cards. I had given the Browns my blessing then they shat their pants against the Broncos. Now I’m just confused. I’ll stick Browns but Im gonna pout about it.
If the Rams win, I will draw Rampage ripping Brownie in half

Chiefs are winning games because of defense. 2023 never ceases to amaze. This season has done wonders to show the value of skill-position stars. Mahomes can’t be final form Mahomes if he spins out of three tackles, throws a perfect dime 20 yards downfield, and then Kadarious Toney lets it boop off his helmet
If the Packers win, I will draw a large wheel of cheese crushing KC Wolf to death (The Packers do not have a mascot)

CAT FIGHT. Probably would have been better if the Bengals weren’t in a give-up spot right now.
If the Bengals win, I will draw Who Dey wearing a sexier speedo than Jaxson De Ville

If the teams tie, I will have both mascots sinking into the lava of Mt Doom