I hate how much news dropped in a span of like 3 days. Why couldn’t this happen in July when I have nothing to work with? The Tom Brady and Flores lawsuit will have to wait, maybe Brady next week, because both of those things are big and I need to give them a little more time to percolate. Especially the Flores lawsuit. That won’t be resolved anytime soon anyway.

But we can shit on the Commanders right now!

Short review: meh. Could have been worse, far less interesting than Football Team was.

Long review:
Washington was always going to pick a boring military-sounding name. When the news broke that the name would change I fully expected something generic. I predicted “Generals” and frankly wasn’t far off. They were never going to do Redhawks or Redhogs or even the Hogs, because that would have actually been cool? But I held out hope that the positive response to Football Team would actually make a lasting impression. Washington accidentally stumbled onto genius with Football Team and they wasted it. It was unique, it was classic, and it provided great jokes. Even the subtle uniform changes were good (I wasn’t a fan of the numbers on the helmets, but I don’t like numbers on helmets, I prefer sparse or simple logo helmets).

Now they went and basically made everything worse. Some of it is only a bit worse, some of it a lot worse. I’ll start with the stuff I’m fine with and even like.

-The font on the numbers is good
-I actually kinda love the nameplate being between two lines like the logo. Sadly this is only on the weird black alternate uniforms.
-The little round classic seal is nice
-The updated W logo with the “fold lines” I think looks good, actually. Maybe a bit worse than the previous solid W, but I’m fine with it.
-I like the single gold line on the helmet
-I’m going to be in the minority here, but I like the little gold W on the alt uniform helmet. I actually kinda like the Black alt, it’s interesting. But it doesn’t feel like Washington. It looks like a Steelers alt.

Stuff I don’t like
-The 3 uniforms have no real cohesion to them. They all look like they could be 3 different teams. The home jersey looks fine (except the stupid logo over the numbers, stop doing that). The black alternate looks like the Steelers (and the logo is in a better spot), and the white away looks like…Florida state ripoffs? I hate the away uniforms. Where is the gold? It’s burgundy and gold and we really only have one uniform displaying that. The Burgundy and Gold was one of the best uniforms in the league and they took it away. Give me more gold.
-The mesh pattern on the numbers and shoulders looks stupid, especially on the away jersey. It’s passable on the other two, but it looks awful and busy on the White ones.
-I’m meh on Matte helmet finishes. I prefer my helmets shiney.
-The full-word logo is boring as hell. The W is okay, but the COMMANDERS between 2 lines is quite dull.

Things I absolutely love:
People are already calling them “The Commies”. I can’t believe those bozos in charge didn’t see this one coming. The team can be called The Commies, they have red and yellow colors, they play for the government capital, it’s incredible accidental self-ownage. The ability to call them the Commies makes almost the entire rebrand worth it. Plus, it’s great, because it’s exactly the kind of nickname that’ll piss off the crowd who are already mad they changed from the slur name.

While I’m not surprised with the boring, generic name, I am surprised they changed their look-up as much as they did. Washington had one of the best uniforms in the league. All they had to do was keep it, but have a new logo and name, and it would have been stellar. The temporary WFT rebrand felt more inspired than this and I can’t believe it took 2 years for them to come up with something this bland. It’s not offensively bad, but it isn’t inspiring. Some folks have pointed out that it’ll seem fine soon enough once we are used to it, and yeah, it will. That’s what’s sad about it. It’ll never stand out. It’ll never be interesting.

Oh, and a reminder that the rebrand changes nothing about the vile ownership. A day after the announcement, the Washington Commanders are in a senate hearing about their toxic workplace culture. They timed this announcement to distract from that news, you can bet on it. The team name changed, and that’s good. But there is so much filth to this franchise that still needs to be scrubbed, and I’m glad the rebrand has largely been seen as a negative because those fucks at the top don’t deserve nice things.

I leave you with the new fight song.

Hail to the Commies
Kill the Bourgeoisie
Brave fighting comrades
Topple the power in DC

Run or pass and rights we want more
Hammer em sickle em let the points soar
Fight on Fight on till you have won
Sons of Marx, rah rah rah

Hail to the Commies
Seize the means of victory