I’ve started to think the Cleveland Browns are less football team and more performance art. I mean really, how does this happen? Over and over and over and over again? How have they not, in all this time, not gotten a lucky roll of the dice and found a QB worth keeping? A coach or GM worth keeping? An owner worth keeping? How can one franchise continue to keep making the same errors over and over again? How the hell can these utterly heartbreaking losses keep happening? It just never ends. They can’t even have a normal bad year or anything, everything has to fall apart in the process. They can’t just lose, they have to lose in the worst ways possible. A kick-6 after Matt Schaub gifts you an INT? Whatever that Austin Davis slide was? The Browns are like the football version of the aristocrats and it’s baffling. I’m convinced that when the NFL disbands or the sport ends, the owner of the team will come forward, walk up to a podium at the final press conference, and go “TAA DAAA” then bow and curtains will close, and it’ll get rave reviews. This franchise can’t be real anymore.

The Browns have such a strange flavor of perpetual failure to them. The Lions are lovable losers who just flop and suck when they are bad. The Bills? The Bills always have hope, even when history isn’t on their side. The Browns are different. They feel different. They are like the tortured kid in school with a horrible life and no friends that you just root for until he overcomes his trials and truimphs…only this is the real world, and the kid actually just ends up a loser with no future living in a van down by the river, slowly dying of AIDS. AIDS he got from a heroin needle, not even from getting laid.

Anyway, Austin Davis gets the start on Sunday because Mike PettineĀ hates Johnny Manziel, so I had to add Davis to the Browns QB hydra.

That’s every QB from the inception of the new Browns. Can you name them all?