The JEST Defense System
The Jets finished the season with zero total interceptions. That means you, yes you, the one reading this blog post right now, have as many interceptions as the New York Jets did in the 2025 season. Unless of course you are a professional football defensive player with a pick this year who somehow stumbled onto this post and read it. In which case: Hi! Nice to meet you.
This is up there with the Chiefs season that featured zero wide receiver touchdowns. It is a kind of remarkable that is hard to wrap your head around. To put this in worse context, the last time an entire football season went without an interception, it was 1933. The New York Jets did not yet exist as a franchise. Jet planes themselves did not exist, period. That’s right, the first flight of a jet plane is the Heinkel He 178 in 1939. The Jets accomplished something not seen since before Jets existed. By the way, NFL seasons in 1933 were 8 games long. The 2025 New York Jets had over twice the amount of games to record an interception and did not.
We’ve had seasons with low interception totals before. Interceptions and turnovers in general are flukey things. But think about how hard this actually is to accomplish. At no point did an errant pass end up in the wrong area where a defender could easily catch it. No tip drills. It’s not like the Jets played a QB gauntlet of nothing but Tom Bradys. They played Tua twice, and Tua had the 2nd highest # of picks thrown this year with 15. They played the Browns. They played the Falcons. The Saints. Bryce Young and Joe Flacco. Baker Mayfield, who is a reckless gunslinger. In fact, if you look at the season leaders for interceptions thrown, 8 QBs they faced are in the top 13. They couldn’t even muster a pity interception against the Bills backups in week 18.
New coach Aaron Glenn is a former cornerback. The absolute pain on display here.
The Jets were not expected to be good this year. After a house cleaning and starting the season with Justin “future backup QB commercial star” Fields and Tyrod “how is he not already in one of the backup ads yet” Taylor, the Jets were set up for a foundation building season. Halfway through the year they shipped off Sauce Gardner and Quinnen Williams, and some injuries left the secondary in dire shape. This was not a team built to win in 2025 nor catch a lot of picks. But none?
Nobody in the league finished the season with worse vibes than the New York Jets. The Giants won two games and might have found their QB, the Raiders got the top pick and also beat the Chiefs. The Browns beat Cincy. The Titans have a fresh new QB to build around and the Commanders beat the Eagles. The Jets finished the season getting blown up more than Bikini Atoll. The Patriots demolished them, and then the Bills backups demolished the rubble. The good news? They have a ton of first-round picks now, and they low-key nailed their most recent draft.
But I’m worried about Glenn. Glenn was a defensive-minded “culture” hire, which is really funny because Robert Saleh was the same thing but with a better resume. Glenn did not handle his first year very well. He had bad press conferences, made poor decisions, and generally sucked. I don’t think he was on the same level as a guy you can tell is in over his head and doesn’t belong, like Jerod Mayo, Antonio Pierce, or Jim Tomsula, but he felt like he was in the category of a Bill Callahan or Eberflus. Guys you know have very little chance of sticking around long-term. The Jets seemed to be hoping for Demeco Ryans and ended up with Steve Wilks. But if they strike gold at QB in the draft who knows?
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I’m not likely to make a comic about the coaching carousel until everything is settled, one of the most annoying things about this time of year is how fast news moves. But my thoughts so far:
-Wow the Ravens actually did it. I think it was the right move for both parties, and both the Ravens and Harbaugh instantly become the best coach and destination on the market.
-I would like John Harbaugh as the Giants coach. I would tolerate with middling expectations Stefanski or McCarthy. I’d also be game for Rams DC Chris Shula or maybe Klint Kubiak. What I feel in my heart will happen is Colts DC Lou Anaroumo, and I will commit seppuku
-I was wrong about Gannon being safe, was very surprised to see that happen
-Kliff Kingsbury bailing on DC is very interesting, feels like he must have a plan lined up
-I hope the Cowboys are stupid and hire like, Shane Bowen at DC
-Matt Nagy is getting interview requests, which is baffling
-I’d take Raheem Morris at DC if it comes up
-I don’t think Stefanski was a great coach, but he got kinda screwed in Cleveland, so godspeed to whoever goes there
I’m glad guys like Matt Nagy keep getting opportunities so us lower class plebs can point to the obvious evidence that talent and hard work is not actually the key to success
Here’s to hoping Tampa Bay can yeet ex-Jets coach Todd Bowles, and my Fins can yeet McDaniel back to being San Fran (but more likely Philadelphia)’s offense coordinator. I want Brian Flores back in MIA so bad.
Mic Rula mention! I miss that bastard farting up a storm.
Best case scenario for the Giants: Harbaugh wants the job, but tells Mara and Tisch to get rid of the f@#%g idiot GM. And then Schoen is sent into the meadowloands (the swamps outside of Giants Stadi- errrrr, MetLife Stadium), and someone livestreams the entire thing while people ask him questions as he slowly sinks. And he just keeps saying “I hear you and I understand the question! Going 22-45-1 is like stubbing your toe! It’s been a long 4 years but we’re gonna see this throu-” and then the swamp takes him.
2nd best case, Stefanski and some amazing OC/DCs. Worst case scenario, Mike McCarthy, who famously claimed to have watched every one of the Cowboys plays from the previous season or two – something which Jerry Jones proudly trumpeted as a reason to hire the guy – only for him to laugh about how he lied about that because he was desperate to get the job during his opening presser. Seriously, f@#% that guy to the bowels of hell. If they hire him, I’m out. I’d sooner take Lou On A Rumba.
Ridiculous that Harbaugh got fired for having a dodgy kicker, and an injured QB half the season.
That’s not why he got fired.
He got fired because despite having Lamar, he’s gotten to the AFC Championship exactly once since 2012, and often the Ravens underachieve in the playoffs. He got fired because they spent oodles on Derrick Henry, only for the offensive gameplan to forget he exists during crucial portions of the game. He got fired because – regardless what the Steelers think – coaches have an expiration date with a team, and he’s been with the Ravens for 18 seasons.
If the Ravens win one (1) more game this year, Harbaugh would have been retained. There is zero chance they would have fired him after making the playoffs.
Man I… I actually really miss Tomsula. I know, I know, but I think the NFL meme world was so much better having him in it.
I think he moved back to that place he used to live in next to the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.
I wish he would do those Lock of the Century of the Week picks again.
Carl’s Lock was the highpoint of the season for a couple years there. Remember the season where he was picking legitimate locks ever week and was 0-fer like ten games in so he finally just picked both teams? It was beautiful. And awful. Later, when I saw the Patriots getting schooled by the JEST in wildcard weekend I knew exactly who Carl’s pick was and I was right. I think he did that on purpose.
I really need Brian Flores to start cooking up another lawsuit here soon.
Please stay with us, Mr. Flores!
I wonder if Glenn got another year in part because it is his first year as head coach. Very few teams fire a head coach during or after they have only had one season, unless they have committed some epic fark-ups like Urban Meyer did. It’s not uncommon to move on from an interim hire regardless of how well they performed, but a true head coach hire typically gets 2-3 seasons to prove their worth. It was a bad first season for Glenn, but it is possible that he improves next season. It would be very hard not to.
Slight correction to the “no-interceptions” stat (that actually makes it WORSE):
It’s not that the last time it happened was in 1933, but rather that it hasn’t happened AT ALL since they started tracking the stat back in 1933. The Jest *could* be the only team EVER…
I’m sure it happened at least once back in the era when teams were throwing like four passes a season.
If the Giants could have nice things, they’d have their franchise QB and a healthy running back. Unfortunately, the one thing that makes Skattebo fun to watch is the same thing that’s going to get him injured a lot.
Still surprised no one has done an “Infinite Jets” mock book cover, but then again I’m guessing the venn diagram overlap between football fans and David Foster Wallace readers is pretty small.