This will be the last DAVE HATES THE PATRIOTS comic for a while. As I’ve said all week, I want to stop talking about them as best I can.

It’s fun to hate. They make an excellent heel. The fans are uniquely annoying thanks to the unprecedented levels of success. But we’ve spent years on this and I’m running out of steam. I’m running out of ways to hate. I’m just tired.

The Patriots just dominate the media and it’s no longer because they are good. We’ve run out of ways to talk about how good they are. Nope, all we want to do now is find the cracks because we all just want it to be over. Sadly our boredom and desire to see it end has actually made it worse, because ESPN and the like know how eager we are to see it die so any perceived issue becomes a huge story. We had an entire week of nonsense because Tom Brady wore a glove. We had an entire week of nonsense after the Chiefs blew them up week 1. We had an entire week of nonsense when ESPN published a big ol’ rumormill of a story that seemed unconfirmed enough to be complete bullshit (or truth, there just wasn’t anything to grip either way).

The Patriots are the Kardashians. They’ve become such a monster that we can’t stop talking about them even if we hate them and want them to go away. It’s become a self-serving machine. The surface tension is so thick and it’s become unbearable trying to see when it finally breaks. While the Pats will obviously remain important as long as they stay good and have the Brady Billy combo, I think it’s time for us to just…stop caring about them. Stop talking about them. Hating them isn’t making them go away. Being so eager to see them go away is just making the time pass by slower. I think it’s better for all of us if we start talking about other teams instead. The Jags did a good thing this year, lets talk about them! Let’s talk Titans! Bills! Vikings! Eagles! Everybody else!

So I’m taking that opportunity to take a stand for myself because I’m just as guilty of being an obnoxious hater as everyone else. I haven’t checked the stats but I’m almost positive the Pats are #2 or #3 most comic’d here. Unless something completely earth shattering happens like Brady dies or leaves or Belichick dies or leaves or SOMEBODY (Gronk) dies, I’m going to curb my Pats jokes, as easy and as fun as they are to make. Until this team actually, literally crumbles the way we all want it to, I’m going to avoid them. Let’s make comics and talk about other teams.

And as one last huzzah as we enter the great Pats hibernation of 2018, I say this. Let it loose. Cut it all loose in the comments. get all that Patriots hate out right now, similar to that Green Bay comic I did before the playoffs. Just let it all hang out. Be as biased and as bitter as you want. Revel in the hate. Be the hate. I will only accept hate. This is our time to hate. Hate like kings, my friends. We don’t get many opportunities to truly lap up the Patriots misery, so DO IT! (Insert Shia Lebouf picture)

Fuck you ya goddamn chowderheads who idolize a pretty boy who doesn’t give a fuck about you. Foxboro sucks, it’s a hole in the woods and you game-time atmosphere is a load of weak-ass spoiled white dudes wearing Red Sawx hats talking about how much you want Tom Brady’s dick in your throat. I don’t know if you cheated or not. I don’t think you did. But I wouldn’t be surprised in the slightest if you still did and just got away with it because there wasn’t enough evidence. Fuck Tom Brady. He’s no GOAT. He’s just a good player who got stuck with the best coach of all time in a well-run franchise. No matter how many rings he has, he’ll never be anything more than a big crybaby who gets away with being a dick and angry because people want him to kiss their mouths. Bill Belichick is an asshole. He sees players as meat meant to be slaves to his will or they get cut. I’m glad Malcolm Butler is going to leave, he deserves to actually be appreciated. You’ll all have horrible carpal tunnel in 5 years thanks to the never ending jerkoff sessions when you look at Tom Brady pictures. Tom Brady has a quack nutter for a doctor and half of the city probably went on the diet. If Tom Brady was an anti-vaxxer Boston would be ground zero for a new polio plague. You share a fandom with Mark Wahlberg and you’re proud of it. Eat shit.

Josh McDaniels is a sniveling weasel. Matt Patricia is just going to be the next in a long line of failed Billy coordinators. I’m glad Doug Pederson slapped his balls in your faces. No matter how many championships you have I still know that on Sunday night you went to bed angry and sad like the rest of us usually do. I’m glad that Brady’s platinum legacy has a few smudges of shit on it that look like Eli Manning and Nick Foles. Boston sucks. I hope when this team finally reaches it’s end, they hire Hue Jackson and never win a game for 10 years. Every fan who grew up with Brady is a bandwagon bitch and will abandon the team when it’s over. You know those old fart 49ers fans who never shut the fuck up about JOE MONTANA and JERRY RICE and STEVE YOUNG and it’s like “STOP LIVING IN THE 80’S YOU IRRITATING OLD FARTS!” That’s gonna be you in 10 years, only worse.  You will be scum forever. Yeah, we will remember the Brady era, and we’ll be glad it’s fucking over so that all you have is memories of a billion dollar franchise that doesn’t actually give a fuck about your stupid face.


(MOVING UPDATE: Do not be shocked if no new comic appears on Tuesday. I will have the computer in my new place but internet may not be set up by then and I may be too busy getting things in order/organized. Don’t worry, Jimmy G will have his money time to shine)