FUCK DAN SNYDER WEEK
Adios you piece of shit.
Welcome friends. This is a week over 20 years in the making. A week I genuinely never thought we’d actually get any time soon. The Bastard finally flew too close to the sun and pissed off the wrong people just enough that the NFL has finally managed to rid itself of the filth. Dan Snyder is gone. He’s out. He’s officially out. The NFL ratified the sale, and while it’s absolute bullshit that he walks away with 6 billion dollars, at least he’s finally gone.
I’ll save a more exhaustive recap of the shitstain that was Dan Snyder’s ownership for Friday. For today, I just want to relish that this is the first full week without Dan Snyder that football fans have had since 1999. The bad man is gone. Yes, roughly 32 bad men (and women!) still left and another just took his place, but this was the worst bad man. The baddest man. The most vile of all the man. He bought the team and turned a hallmark famed franchise into a depressing, angry joke. Anything good during his tenure was by accident or against his will. He was a vile boss. An insensitive dipshit. A whiney, pathetic, transparently evil person. Fuck Dan Snyder.
I’m happy for the remnants of the Washington fanbase. Even though I hope they continue to lose every game. It wasn’t your choice to get stuck with the cum gremlin of the NFL. You endured everything from expired peanuts to the stadium dumping greywater on you amidst years and years of failure. I don’t blame anyone who gave up and switched teams or just stopped being invested entirely.
No other owner has been featured on this website more. He is the subject of many of my most bitterly angry comics. No one ever defended him. Even the people who defended the bad name never actually defended Dan Snyder. Hell, Dan Snyder may have been the reason the name got forcibly changed to begin with. If he was a competent owner who gave the team respectability it might have been harder to sway a large contingent of people away, but nobody wants to defend a disgusting joke of a team run by the human equivalent of the worst dumpster you’ve ever smelled.
When do we start working on Stephen Ross?
The sooner the better
“…Yes, roughly 32 bad men (and women!) still left and another just took his place,”
I may hate the Falcons with every fiber of my being simply because they play in Georgia and I am a Floridian, but Arthur Blank is a genuinely good person.
ive stopped using the term “genuinely good person” whenever billionaires are involved because you literally cannot amass that kind of wealth without doing things antithetical to that label
but
but i will concede that arthur blank is less bad than your average billionaire
Took the words out of my mouth. I didn’t want to start a whole philosophical argument about it though lol.
Some of the OGs like Mark Davis aren’t really billionaires, their net worth is all in their team that their (grand)parents started from scratch, so they might not have done anything shady. Like Davis, far as I can tell, hasn’t done anything that bad.
Either way, 32 should be 31 because of the Packers. It’s important to keep in mind that the Packers have the best ownership in the league
The “best” ownership? Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you could argue they just have several hundred times the number of jerks involved, and people have been shown over and over to make absolute a-hole decisions once herd mentality kicks in. Oh, wait, I just did some digging, and it’s even WORSE.
In 2021 they put up 300,000 shares of stock at $300 per share, and raised $90 million. So what’s the catch? The shares don’t appreciate, can’t be traded, pay no dividend & offer no real say in team operations. You give them $300, they give you a piece of paper. Hmmmmmmmmm.
That sounds like… NFTs! At the very least, super duper scummy, and a borderline scam. You sometimes get to vote on who gets to vote, which… is not ownership.
Voted with all the other owners in favor of some of their worst actions.
If anything, it supports my theory that success permits acceptance.
Atlanta Braves and Kansas City Chiefs keep their names but the Cleveland (suddenly specific static) and the Washington (mumbles “Fuck You Snyder”) are forced to change their names.
For personal evidence:
“Mike Brown is a cheap owner” > Bengals Super Bowl Run and Playoff Success = “Mike Brown’s okay”
“Reds ownership are ungrateful, cheap bastards! I’m never going to any game until they sell the team!” > Reds 12-game winning streak and in playoff chase = “Hey, lets get some Reds tickets.”
“John Harbaugh is over his head. He’s lost to Ohio State five times.” > Two Nutcracker Beatdowns = “John Harbaugh is the 2nd greatest coach in Michigan history!”
I’d make an Oakland A’s win and fans come back joke here, but I’m holding out hope they do win, they go to the World Series and are one out away from winning it, but the fans pull a Disco Night, rush the field and cause the A’s to forfeit the deciding game and the championship.
*reads “John Harbaugh” in text*
Didn’t know he simultaneously coaches two teams.
…or was there two Johns and no Jim?
I like to imagine the dinner from that old NFL Shop commercial actually happened in real life recently, with Snyder’s wife making a scene in a fancy restaurant by throwing a football jersey at him and storming off.
Also, Dan Snyder was in an NFL-sanctioned TV commercial about women’s clothing… Holy cow. At least the choice of Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me” finally wound up being prophetic.
So… who’s the worst among the NFL owners now?
Probably Jerry Boy again getting the only title he earned on his own.
And if not him then Stan Kronke cause fuck that guy.
*closes eyes*
*spins in a circle*
*points at crusty old white dude*
that one
Jerry Jones is worse than him