HAPPY WEEK 12, EVERYBODY! How ya’ll doing. The Giants beat the Eagles so I’m happy.

That win was definitely more an indictment on the Eagles than it was any sort of affirmation for the Giants. The defense played well enough, yes, but they are the good unit to begin with. The Eagles were flying high lately with some nice wins and teasing a potential entrance to the playoffs with Dallas stumbling but this week should put any hopes to bed that this Eagles team is worthy of the playoffs even if they make it. Hurts seems like a poor man’s Lamar Jackson. He can run it well enough, but if the game comes down to him passing the ball, they are probably fucked. Not that this game was entirely on Hurts. Jalen Reagor is a big fat bust.

The Steelers got blown up, that was delightful. The Steelers beat the Bills in week 1 but haven’t had an impressive win since. They feel destined for 8-8-1 and I cannot abide by any other result. Tomlin will get his non-losing season in the funniest way possible.

Looks like Cam is still bad and the Panthers still a mirage. The Dolphins, however, have a chance to save the season at this rate. After beaching themselves so hard they’ve suddenly gotten to beat up on some bad teams and are now back in the picture, with games against the Jets and Giants still coming. Maybe they can do it.

The Raiders/Cowboys game maybe be the worst ref’d of the year, beating out the Steelers/Bears fiasco. I have no love for the Cowboys but man, the refs in that game were atrocious and both teams were dealing with horseshit. All 3 Thanksgiving games sucked in their own way. The Bears and Lions was just disgusting, terrible football. Cowboys Raiders was good football constantly interrupted and altered by the zebras. Buffalo/Saints was just a fat boring blowout. A terrible day of football overall.

The Titans tried to Chaos the Patriots but the Patriots refuse to be chaos’d, also the Titans are starting dudes off the street at this point. That they’ve managed this many wins is astounding. The Colts went toe to toe with Brady but then lost, something they’ve done with many teams this year. They love going toe to toe only to lose. The Colts do feel like a team capable of breaking out but they just can’t put anyone away.

The Chargers are back to being the Chargers. I hate the Chargers. They will never not be the Chargers. At least the Bills got back on track. The Rams are suffering thanks to the Stafford problems.

The Jets won the tank bowl! My ability to jinx the Saints continues. I did pretty good overall this week,

PICKS! I think it’s time we had another themed week. LET’S DO POOP WEEK

I hate that I have to watch Dallas two Thursdays in a row. I like not watching Dallas, especially when they are good. The Saints are all messed up this year but per my curse, I must select who I want to win. I pick the Cowboys.
If the Saints win, I will draw Sean Payton pooping on Mike McCarthy

The Colts should be able to actually finish this game out. I mean, the fucking Jets could.
If the Saints win, I will draw Jack Easterby pooping on a small horse

The Vikings finally have a game they should easily win, and yet somehow it’ll be a nailbiter.
If the Lions win, I will draw Dan Campbell pooping on Mike Zimmer’s kneecaps

The Dolphins are going to make their push for the playoffs. Tua is quietly playing rather well. The defense has found itself. The Giants are trash. If the fish lose this game, maybe they deserve to stay in the hole they dug for themselves.
If the Giants win, I will draw Daniel Jones pooping on a dolphin

I kind of wish the Bucs had a genuine competitor in the NFCS just to make it interesting like last year instead of their success being just inevitable.
If the Falcons win, I will draw Matt Ryan pooping on Tom Brady

If the Eagles lose to both the Jets and Giants in the same stadium in back-to-back weeks, stick a fork in them.
If the Jets win, I will draw baby Zack Wilson pooping on an eagle

The bears are who we thought they were!
If the Bears win, I will draw a bear pooping a cardinal

The Bengals are back baby! The Chargers are full Chargers and I hate them. Fuck you, Chargers.
If the Chargers win, I will draw a thicc lightning bolt pooping on a tiger

Holy moly if the Rams lose this game
If the Jags win, I will draw Urban Meyer grinding on poop. Look Rams don’t fuck this up.

The Raiders subreddit has a guy flipping a coin every week to predict the game. The coin is perfect on the season. I may have to hold off on this game until he makes his new pick. Until then, I pick the Raiders.
If the TEAM wins, I will draw Dan Snyder pooping on a toilet shaped like the Raiders stadium

The Steelers are destined to be .500 and have this annoying knack to win the games when I want them to lose but then start losing when I expect them to keep playing well. I expect the Ravens to win here, but this is exactly the kind of game where the Steelers would come out, win, and piss everyone off who just want to see them go away.
If the Ravens win, I will draw the new Heinz ketchup, poopchup

Since the Dolphins are actually winning again I can safely move the “most disappointing team” from Miami to Seattle.
If the Seahawks win, I will draw tiny Russ pooping in Jimmy’s mouth

Broncos are very mediocre but I assume the Chiefs are themselves again.
If the Broncos win, I will draw Bojohn Elway pooping on kermit Mahomes

Finally, something interesting to watch. Bills need to win this if they want to retain the crown they acted like they already won before the season started.
If the Patriots win, I will draw Mac Jones pooping on the draft experts