CARTOON BETS WEEK 3 – HAVE THE RAIDERS TURNED A CORNER?
Week 3 has come and gone and now things are starting to settle in and make sense.
-The Steelers are indeed bad. Week 1 looks like the fluke now.
-The Bills are indeed good. Week 1 looks like a big anomaly now.
-The Raiders might be legit. This might also be the classic early-season Raiders success that gives way to sad mediocrity, but the Ravens and Dophins games are games the Gruden Raiders would always lose. They are winning them now. Maybe this team is coming together.
-The Chargers still can’t manage a game but now they seem talented enough to somewhat overcome it.
-I can’t wait till the Giants staff gets jettisoned into the sun. It’ll be before the end of the season at this rate, the schedule only gets worse.
-The Broncos are absolutely pretenders, but they also aren’t the worst. 90% of the NFL would be 3-0 against a lineup of Jags, Giants, and Jets
-The Jets somehow continue to look worse than the Giants
-The Browns are legit once more
-Detroit has fight in them, but is still Detroit
-The Vikings still hate me
-Hopefully Andy Ried is okay
Let’s look ahead to week 4!
JAGUARS @ BENGALS
If the Jaguars are on the way to something good, it’s going to take a while to get there. This team is not good. The Bengals, against all odds, actually have some life and fight in them.
If the Jaguars win, I will draw a Catfight KO
TITANS @ JETS
The Jets have to win a game at some point but man, it won’t be for a while at this rate.
If the Jets win, I will draw Joan “Jet” rocking out
LIONS @ BEARS
Well, the fan’s prayers were answered and Justin Fields started a game with Dalton hurt. The results were not very inspiring. I don’t think that’s necessarily on the rookie, the Browns are good and the real problem is Matt Nagy. Fire Nagy and Fields might have a chance. The Lions feel due for an actual win, and it would send Bears fans into a spiral of fury if they play like this again.
If the Bears win, I will draw a bear tombstoning a lion
COLTS @ DOLPHINS
BATTLE OF THE 2021 LETDOWNS! Both the Colts and Dolphins were some darkhorse candidates to actually be worth something this year and so far, it’s been ugly. Both have had injury issues, but both are still underperforming what they should be capable of. Now I don’t know who to pick. Uuuuuuhhhh….(flips coin) Colts win
If the Dolphins win, I will draw a horse drowning
BROWNS @ VIKINGS
Vikings are back on their bullshit of proving me wrong every time. The Browns should win this, and I hope they do, because I am tired of making Vikings drawings.
If the Vikings win, I will draw a Viking chasing a dog
TEAM @ FALCONS
The Falcons are garbage and didn’t even look good while beating up a stupid incompetent Giants team
If the Falcons win, I will draw a falcon nesting on the Washington monument
GIANTS @ SAINTS
Lmao
If the Giants win, I will draw Saint Daniel Jones
TEXANS @ BILLS
The Bills have spent the last two games utterly annihilating better teams than the Texans.
If the Texans win, I will draw a bull stampeding a buffalo
CHIEFS @ EAGLES
Chiefs haven’t had the start to the season anyone would have expected, but the Eagles are probably still worse.
If the Eagles win, I will draw Jalen Hurts as the new State Farm spokesman
PANTHERS @ COWBOYS
The Panthers are 3-0, but not a trustworthy 3-0. CMC is hurt now too. This team is gonna go up in smoke soon but I’ll play the hot hand (may change, haven’t seen Cowboys/Eagles yet)
If the Cowboys win, I will draw a black cat killed by cowboy logo ninja stars
SEAHAWKS @ 49ERS
The Hawks are a good team, but seem like they are just barely holding onto that status. The 49ers are very capable of winning this but I don’t think they will.
If the 49ers win, I will draw Yosemite Sam dancing on the grave of Russell Wilson
CARDINALS @ RAMS
A big early-season match between two surprisingly good 3-0 teams. Gotta roll with the home team on this one.
If the Cardinals win, I will draw Kyler Murray as a headcrab on a zombie Sean McVay
STEELERS @ PACKERS
My faith in the Packers is restored. My faith in the Steelers is gone.
If the Steelers win, I will draw old man Ben laughing at old man Rodgers
RAVENS @ BRONCOS
This is the first test the Broncos have actually faced. If they can win this, they aren’t a bunch of bums with an easy schedule. But I can’t pick them to win it yet.
If the Broncos win, I will draw BoJohn Elway dumping Old Bay in the trash
BUCS @ PATRIOTS
Well the media this week is going to be insufferable about this one. Tom proved himself the superior piece of the Patriots puzzle, and since he’s one of those people who run on spite he will absolutely relish the chance to stick New England in the dirt.
If the Patriots win, I will draw the traitor Tom Brady crucified by Bill
RAIDERS @ CHARGERS
The Chargers and Raiders seem like they might be something. With the Chiefs surprisingly having some trouble and the Broncos as pretenders, this is a big battle for potentially the division lead. I’ll choose the Raiders.
If the Chargers win, I will draw Justin Herbert shaving Mark Davis of his precious haircut
Raiders/Chargers pick: I think you meant Justin Herbert and not Justin Tucker?
the best part of Monay
“The Bengals, against all odds, actually have some life and fight in them.”
That’s pretty much me and every other Bengals fans when they actually pull off a win.
I love how you said nothing of the man I hate most in my team’s division. Justin Tucker is terrifying.
That Rodgers/Jeopardy drawing is pure gold.
Colts-Dolphins will be also known as Eagles 2022 1st Round Pick Bowl. And also Eagles related, the Chiefs playing in Philly in the 1st game after what’s hopefully just a scare with Andy might make it quite an emotional moment.
My first thought on that one was, “Wait a second, dude is 0-3 against SF in the postseason, he shouldn’t be smug like that.” But then I slapped myself and remembered it’s Aaron Rodgers. He’s EXACTLY the kind of petty jerkface that would go 0-3 against his beloved when it matters and then use a regular season victory as “proof” they done him dirty. It’s not their fault he has a tiny wee-wee.
As a Giants fan it just keeps getting worse. Year after year of a terrible team. It’ll be nice when much of this staff get fired, but it’ll probably be right after the season. Having to sit through that and then two years of another rebuild will be excruciating.
My friends and I joked at the time that the Giants sold their souls to beat BB and Shady twice. Framing it in that context now helps me quite a bit.
Basically, would you take 2 Super Bowl victories over the most sanctimonious bunch of jerks the sport has ever seen, if it meant 10+ years of angst and misery afterwards?
I think a lot of fan bases would absolutely sign up for that. Yea, the Giants stink, and I’m not going to pretend they’re fun to watch, but at the end of the day, even as things stand, we are far from the saddest sob story in sports… that title belongs to Li’l Bro Jets fans. Think of how much worse they have it. They’ve had the same misery for going on, like, 50 years, and all they have to bask in is a mediocre QB in the stupidest looking fur coat I’ve ever seen. If Darnold goes on to even have a mediocre career, there will be legit arguments that he was the best QB the Jets ever had, and they shipped him outta town.
This is sorta where I’m at. After 42 I more or less accepted that would be the “peak” experience I ever had as a sports fan, 46 was just extra gravy, and I’m convinced we’ll be garbage for 20 years now because we had our moment. And I’m kinda okay with that because we did get a moment. Still doesn’t make the team fun to watch week in and week out though
100% agreed. They’re a nearly unwatchable dumpster fire, no doubt. I’ve only been able to listen to the games this season, and even that hasn’t been fun. But if I treat it like we’re playing with house money, it dulls the pain.
As a fan of a team still waiting for their own Lombardi trophy, I’d certainly consider it, and would probably take that deal. But only if it didn’t come with the stink of scandal, like Bountygate or something similar.
We do have an AFL championship, but that was too long ago to mean much now. It just illustrates that the year we started counting Super Bowls is pretty arbitrary, when you think about it. The leagues didn’t even merge until after the first few.
I’ve already done my decades of misery (The Browns won their last championship when I was a 1-yr-old).
I’ll GLADLY take a couple Superbowls and then go back to sucking the rest of my life.
Beating Tampon Brady would be icing on the cake…
I misread your comment as “I can’t wait till the Giants get jettisoned into the sun” and got hopeful for a moment. I think everyone would cheer the subtraction of any NYC sports team, and we’d still be left with 40 billion talking heads who are fans of NYC-centric teams dominating the coverage of every sport. (Not a dig at you, Dave, it just gets tiring when you’re from anywhere else on the planet when listening to sports coverage)
FACT: Old Bay might be one of the most delicious things on the planet. I have been continually finding new uses for it and it makes me happy
Old bay + poached egggggssss yessss
Chicken wings!
the Lions got absolutely shafted
From what I’ve heard the CBS clock was actually like 10 seconds off. There was no delay of game there.
Still, to lose the way that they did even if they did miss a call there… Nah I’m convinced that God hates the Detroit Lions.
As a Seahawks fan, you’ve been far more Polly-Annaish about the Seattle’s chances of victory than I have.
The way the defense has been playing the past two games, I wouldn’t be the least bit shocked if they go 1-15.
You should have had a Bengal tiger raping Big Big.
You really think this is called for?
>-Detroit has fight in them, but is still Detroit
If I were a Lions fan this would hurt. A lot.
Re Belicheck & Brady, if the Patriots when, might I suggest a hung, drawn and quartered Tom being delivered to Bill?
Also … tombstoning?
Dave, no matter how bad your coaching staff is, at least it isn’t “only run 3 times total in a whole game” bad.
Hey Dave, here’s your pool update for week 3. You got a 10, which was middle of the pack for a weekly score. This week’s winner was me, with a 14.
Overall, you got 30 points, which is good for a tie from 8th to 11th place (out of 27). The leader currently has 36 points.
omg omg omg omg I cannot wait for the Eli comic. He is truly a national treasure.
He secured himself a ticket to the HoF with that move. None shall deny him now.
Has the Cowboys/Eagles game changed anything for you?