This is one of those times where you come up with the pun first and then have to figure out how to craft a joke around it because the pun is too good to just leave lying around gathering dust. You may not even find the comic all that funny, but come on, The San Antonio Cromarties. Tell me that’s not an A+ groaner. Actually came up with that randomly like 4 months ago and kept it on a note on my phone for the offseason. Then I got lucky and he retired two weeks ago.

Unlike Joe Thomas I doubt there was much fervor over the retirement of Antonio Cromartie. I bet most of you saw this and went “Oh yeah, I remember that guy, where the hell is my Kirk Cousins money comic DAVE”. I bet most people didn’t even realize that he wasn’t actually retired yet, that we was still playing.

Well he wasn’t, really. He was cut by the Colts after 4 games in 2017 and didn’t get on a team after that. Cromartie wasn’t a great player but he could be pretty damn good at his best and I don’t know if he quite deserves to be forgotten so quickly. He had a weird knack for intercepting Peyton Manning as part of that Chargers team that always seemed to have the Colts number. He also holds the record for the longest play in NFL history, a missed field goal return for 109 yards. That’s the maximum number of yards a play can go for. As a player he seemed like a dude who could be a huge liability or a huge boon. He’d get burned a bunch because he was tall and not terribly quick to follow shifty dudes but when he got those picks he was pretty fun to watch.

Honestly what most people probably know Cromartie for is his stunningly prolific reproduction capability. Antonio Cromartie is the only guy in the league that even Philip Rivers would think has too many kids. Cromartie either hated birth control (Heh heh he played corner but could never cover his dick heh heh) or had the most powerful sperm in existence. Antonio has 14 children. 8 different women. 6 of them, the most recent 6, are with his wife. Most notably, the most recent of these children came after he apparently got a vasectomy. Yeah. Dude got his balls clipped and still some little swimmers beat the coverage and scored. Antonio Cromartie has super sperm. He’s not a hall of famer, but maybe he deserves a mention in the reproduction hall of fame instead. Does that exist? It should exist. Genghis Khan would be the statue outside.

Anyway if he doesn’t move to San Antonio and create a sports team with his offspring he’s a failure in my book. Get it done, Antonio.