Alex Smith finally made it to Mars…*sniff*

Okay first things first, anyone doomsaying the Patriots has a short memory and is an idiot. The Patriots will be fine. They always are. That’s what makes them so irritating. They don’t have bad seasons. We’re all so eager to see their demise that the few bad games they do have get tremendous over-reaction. You know, like the last time the Chiefs made them eat dirt. Remember that? Remember the week of stories about the death of the dynasty? They won two rings after that. The Patriots should be considered a lock for the AFCCG until proven otherwise. It won’t be long before Pats fans are back to their usual spoiled selves, looking for any chance to play the underdog card, because even after 2 decades of complete dominance they can’t just accept the villain role and still have to find some tenuous reason to claim NO RESPEK

But you know what? We got to watch the Pats eat shit in primetime on the opening game of the season. We got to see golden boy look like an old fart. We got to see Alex Goddamn Smith torch the Pats for their first home loss when leading in the 4th quarter in the Brady era. We got to see Alex Goddamn Smith drop not one, but TWO 75 yard deep TDs. We got to see Matt Patricia’s big deal defense get clowned on by a rookie who fumbled on his first carry en route to one of the biggest debut games ever. We got to watch a walrus out-coach the lord of darkness. We got to watch Marky “Bailed on the Super Bowl Early Like A Fairweather Bitch” Wahlberg give a big speech and then watched all the stunned silent Pats fans leave early just like him when it became clear the Pats actually had a chance of losing. (Side note: Mark Wahlberg claims he left early because his son was ill. The son who looks just fine in the video. I bet the dog ate his homework too. ). We got to see another chance at 19-0 go fluttering into the wind, right at the start, on the home turf. So good.

So while I am under no delusions that the Patriots are done, I will enjoy the schadenfreude for at least a couple of days until the Giants find some way to crap themselves Sunday night and my pessimism towards life resumes as normal. Enjoy these sweet moments, kids, we don’t get them very often.

I hope the Chiefs continue this feisty offense. This was a fun team to watch that night. Good job, Smith. Kudos, Hunt. Goo goo gajoob, Reid. Welcome back, football.

Note on the comments: I closed off the ones last comic because ironically, a comic about how football distracts us from things that make us sad and angry ended up devolving into only toxic arguments about what makes us sad and angry. I wasn’t happy to do it, but it seemed like the best course of action after things were clearly not going to get better. I fully admit my engaging didn’t help matters. If anyone tries to bring it back up and start more yapping, keep it to yourself or hatemail me like a normal internet person. I’ll just delete any more comment attempts to start a fight. Let’s keep the comments on topic and better than a typical youtube video, agreed?