Blame It On The Jusz Ya Ya EE
The stupidest drama of the NFL season has officially come to a close as of a couple days ago. In case you missed it: Kyle Juszczyk, 49ers Fullback and Guy with a name you have to look up every time to spell it correctly, celebrated a touchdown by pretending to drink a big glass of…something. The NFL interpreted the move as drinking a beer and fined him.
Juszczyk claims it was juice that he was pretending to drink, a reference to his nickname “juice”, itself a reference to his actual name. Which is dumb because his name is pronounced Youz Chick, it doesn’t sound like “Juice” at all. I’m not sure I totally buy the juice explanation, he just holds up a pretend glass. That glass could have held anything. He could have been drinking his own pee for all we know. Maybe he’s a real sicko. Frankly it doesn’t matter. The NFL fining him for drinking a fake beer is a joke to begin with.
And for once the NFL seems to realize how stupid they are after the NFLPA told them to kick rocks. The idea of fining a player for pretending to drink a beer when they have beer sponsors all over the place is ridiculous. People in the stands are drinking beer. People at home are drinking beer. Every ad break is a gambling ad, an insurance ad, and beer ads. All of this is done in front of children. Nobody actually cares. Fining Juszczyk for this is pointless hypocrisy. The NFL announced they will not do this moving forward. Thank goodness for the smallest victories.
Now if we can convince these dopes that there is nothing wrong with celebrating with finger guns before we cut to military recruitment ads.
Let the man drink his crab juice in peace
A much better choice than Mountain Dew
“Every ad break is a gambling ad, an insurance ad, and beer ads.”
Hey! Don’t forget about the medicine ads that makes you realize that you’re slowly but inexorably approaching the age where all of those ads will actually be directed at you!
Will be?
*sigh*
This grits my shit big time. Over here we’ve gone through waves of stuff being banned from sponsoring sports events or teams: tobacco, alcohol, we’ve just knocked gambling on the head- so damn many teams here had gambling sites on their shirts; stupid thing being no bugger recognised them because it was almost all Asian sites. I’m guessing majority Chinese, given either (a) all kanji, no hiragana/katakana/Hangul/Thai/Vietnamese scripts (b) a random number and at least one letter. Sunderland’s was W88 last season; never heard of them. Don’t have one on the front of this season’s gear (which is cool, it looks better and is even more of a tribute To the side that won the FA Cup in 1937), but I’ve can’t figure out why they’ve never had Nissan on the shirt. Their main UK presence is just the other side of the A19.
You’re a cycle and a half behind us – though i doubt that’s going to progress any. Especially with the league trying to argue prediction markets are gambling.
(Did I mention it boils my piss as well?)
The fuck? Are you in Europe? How the fuck did you end up rooting for the Dolphins?
I am a fifth generation South Floridian who was raised by two generations of Dolphins fans and even I don’t know what keeps me rooting for the Dolphins…
I buy that his nickname is “Juice” because it’s easy to imagine a scenario back in his high school or college days where a teammate tried to read his name and got through the “Jusz”(sounding the “J” as English speakers do), saw the “zczyk” and said to himself “eff all that”. “Good play Juice”.
Fully Agreed. Kids are an exceptionally uncreative lot, and if you just gave me his name with no other context and said what do you think his nickname was in school, I would immediately assume Juice. I knew a guy in college whose name was spelled Cwiklinski. People called him Ski. The dude did not ever – not even once – in his life put on a pair of skis. Not water skiing, not mountain skiing, not even cross country skiing. And yet…
Every person I’ve known who has a last name of [bunch of letters]-ski is automatically called “Ski.”
“Slick” would actually have been a more accurate nickname but someone would have to have a minimal knowledge of Polish orthography to see that.
Michael Hoomanawanui was nicknamed “hoo-man” even though his name is actual pronounced more like “oh-oh…”. It’s a name English speakers aren’t familiar with so they make things up that seem right in their own language.
Thinking Juszczyk sounds like “Juice” is 100% reasonable.
I don’t want to elude to anything, but the last time we had a football player with the nickname “Juice” we had two (alleged) murders and a trial that became the catalyst for the Kardashians.
He also has a juice box on his thigh pads (https://i.redd.it/4qjn8ycbniqb1.jpg), and when he catches the ball, the fans yell “JUUUUICE”, which sounds like boos. His nickname a pretty well known thing in the Niners fan community.
Celebrating a sports victory with beer?! That’s hardly the image we want for the Milwaukee Brewers, Coors Field, and Busch Stadium!
I still have to look up “Belichick” to spell it right
The NFL should have escalated this for everyone’s amusement, clarifying that Juszcyk was fined because it was not clear if he was pretending to drink one of the official sponsor beers. He would have been in the clear had he just shouted “tastes great less filling” or “TWINZ” or “pretend Shane Gillis is standing next to me” (and on that note, whatever happened to memorable beer commercial slogans?).
How dare you call one of our only remaining beautiful fullbacks a tight end?
On the news that Ditka passed, could you please bring back the Football Heaven?
Meanwhile, you can’t follow the NFL for more than five minutes without stumbling across some kind of gambling ad.
Let’s not forget that in 2021, Spencer Brown was fined $5K for *actually* drinking a beer during a touchdown celebration. And in 2026, Juszczyk was fined 3 times that amount for *pretend* drinking? What a world.