Aqib Talib Breaks The Chain Of Oppression
If you listened to my podcast this week this post might sound familiar, but I’m baffled by the fact that for as big a dickhole as Aqib Talib is, he seems to get far less hate and scorn by the league and fans then comparatively dirty players. This incident with Michael Crabtree is the latest in line, and boy, I’m mad about it, because Aqib Talib might be the biggest dickhole in the league and I wish more people talked about it.
A recap: Michael Crabtree wore a chain necklace. Aqib Talib didn’t like it, so after a play, he walked up to Crabtree and ripped it off. Talib was not flagged for what is very clearly unsportsmanlike conduct, and Friday was revealed that he will not even be fined by the league. What a joke. How is ripping off someone’s necklace on the field after a play not a flag of some sort? How is this not a fine? Surely this is against the personal conduct policy right? In some way? How can the NFL justify letting noted jerkwad Talib destroy someone else’s personal property on the field after a play during a broadcast without any sort of punishment? Oh right, the NFL is stupid, I forgot for a second there.
When I cracked wise about it online, I figured out partly why, because lot of people seem to be victim blaming instead. “Maybe Crabtree shouldn’t be wearing a chain necklace if he doesn’t want it broken” Said actual people, apparently too determined to pass the blame for something bad on the person it befell instead of the actual perpetrator of the bad act. It’s like the people who heard Sean Taylor got shot and blamed Sean Taylor for it, instead of the guy who, you know, SHOT SEAN TAYLOR (Fuck you Colin Cowherd). People seem so desperate to elevate themselves by mocking what they perceive as stupid or inferior that the actual problem goes seemingly unnoticed. People are too happy to laugh at Crabtree for being an “idiot” to discuss the much more significant issue of a noted dirty asswipe Talib getting away with being a shithead. Talib being a huge butthead shouldn’t get overlooked just because Crabtree made a questionable choice of attire.
Don’t get me wrong, I think wearing a necklace like Crab’s during football is stupid. Way too easy to get something like that wrecked by a tackle or bad hit, and if it had been accidentally broken, I’d be laughing my ass off at Crabtree. But it wasn’t accidentally broken. It was intentionally ripped off by a man who went out of his way to do so. Don’t blame Crabtree for this, blame the fucking asshole who broke it! This conversation needs to be about how much of a buttmunch Aqib Talib is, not Crabtree.
Which brings me back to my original point of Talib not getting the scorn he deserves. Imagine if Suh, or Burfict, or Pacman, or Beckham, or maybe James Harrison had ripped it off. Flags out the ass, hefty fine, internet rage. Hell imagine if a Raiders player did it to Talib. Probably the same result. Talib is a recorded butthead and might be dirtier than anyone in the league, but he doesn’t seem to have nearly the microscope on him that other players do. He got suspended last year for poking a Colt’s player’s eye out after a play was over. He shot himself in the leg with an unlicensed firearm and didn’t get any sort of punishment from the league for personal conduct violation. His most notable play in the Super Bowl was a horrific facemask that he literally said he did on purpose. He’s been arrested for simple battery. And now he’s destroyed a piece of property on the field because it annoyed him. Talib is a dumb piece of shit, the kind of player that people outside the sport accuse all NFL players of being, and he deserves more national scorn. He doesn’t deserve to be normalized as a dick, he deserves to be shamed for it, because if you don’t call him out on him being a dickweed he’ll just keep being a dickweed.
So spread the word. Let the people know, Aqib Talib is a dumb small penis. Make sure he doesn’t have an unlicensed gun on him first though. Although if he does, just position yourself behind his leg, and you should be okay.
Whenever Talib gets away with his stuff I take solace in the fact that he was absolutely and thoroughly humiliated on national TV by Steve Smith that one time. Fittingly, the chain break happened mere hours after Smith had antagonized his final DB.
Maybe Smith’s football spirit had moved over and possessed that chain or something? 😛
Aqib walked into the stadium, feeling a weight off of his shoulders.
“He’s gone,” The cornerback thought to himself. “I can relax again. No more fear.” The man who had tormented him had finally left the league, and now he could play in peace.
“This is my night.” He thought, grinning as he lined up across from the receiver. “I’m free, everything’s going to be good.” As the quarterback went through his cadence, a familiar voice started whispering in Talib’s ear. He frantically looked around, looking for where that little demon was. “Just in my head,” he told himself. “He’s not here. He can’t be here. It’s just my imagination.”
The ball was snapped, the play was run, and the voice kept echoing across the field. Talib slowly walked back to the line of scrimmage, but as he lined up, he noticed something. The receiver he was covering was wearing a necklace, and in that necklace was a face. That man’s face.
“Ice up, son.” The face said, grinning its twisted grin. Talib went pale, before a sudden fury overtook him.
“Never again,” Aqib said, first as a mutter, then as a shout. “Never again!” I’m a blind rage, he reached out, grabbing the chain and tearing it off the receiver’s neck, in plain view of the cameras. “Never again!”
At the same time, in a suburb of Baltimore, Maryland, a man sat with his family, watching a football game on TV. On his lap sat a book, titled “Sole Possession: how to use your anger to possess inanimate objects.”
“Still got it.”
Always amazed with how tight the NFL is on uniforms apart from when it comes to jewellery, probably something they should be more concerned with for player safety than the colour of someone’s cleats. Also Talib wears earrings, big garish ones. Sometimes folks lose their helmets during games, he best not let that happen in a raiders game any time soon. That would not be a pleasant outcome for anyone.
It did happen to Matt Schaub before so it wouldn’t be unusual
Talib pulled this exact same kind of dickweed shit in tampa and got ‘punished’ by being traded to New England.
Apparently the Faux Sports reporter is nekkid too.
To make matters worse, apparently that chain Crabtree was wearing was a gift from his grandmother.
I hate Talib with a burning passion
The only explanation I can come up with is that the situation was so far out of what they thought could happen that there was no rule against it? Although I do admit it’s flimsy as hell. They should still be able to fine for the spirit of the act, if not the act itself, right? I mean, if you can fine Jarvis Landry twice for the same play, surely they should be able to find some excuse to lay the law against Talib.
I’d say it’s pretty clearly unsportsmanlike conduct. Taunting includes any act directed toward another player or team that is outside of the bounds of play and likely to engender ill will.
Aqib Talib is what you get if you shaved Richard Shermans head and then smashed his face in a car door until he had brain damage.
He talks all the shit of Sherman, but instead of being a clever, sometimes funny, and actually really smart guy, he’s just a dick.
The fact that he Plaxicoed himself and suffered none of the same consequences is frustrating and baffling. Dude should be shamed from the league and sitting in jail for the several laws he broke.
The reason Plaxico went to jail was because he had an unlicensed firearm in New York City, which has some of the strictest gun control laws in the country, and Aqib did it in Dallas, which doesn’t.
Also didn’t he fire said gun in a night club? (granted only hitting himself in the foot) but still that’s something that’s frowned upon in any city…
aqib talib, more liek douchewad mcbellend
If you had told me back in 2012 that within a year, a Patriots player would be arrested for murder and suspected in a few others, I would have said “Oh for sure it’s Talib.” Although my second guess would have been correct.
don’t worry Ryan Allen, they never suspect the punter
Aqueef Talib is now his nickname.
He could at least get crab cakes a new chain. What a jerk
During the Texans Raiders game it got broken again, this time ot was just during the course of play
Can Crabs sue him?
As a Broncos fan, love Talib’s game, hate his conduct. He could learn a thing or two about how to treat rival players from Von Miller.
I expected something bad to happen with that chain all year, never expected it to be intentional misconduct. Though as a Broncos fan, if you told me one of our players did this and asked me who it might be Talib is and always will be the obvious answer. He’s an amazing player but I don’t understand how class acts like Miller can tolerate his conduct.